This was interesting. I like the idea of playing the manipulative character beside the royal figure, and I enjoyed being able to have a more cynical personality compared to the naive prince. Both the prince and the mage seem interesting as does the setting. I also liked the short chapters, although I’m curious as to how many there will be.
I have to agree with the others that terms and characters are thrown at the player without any explanation, like the invasion/traveling with the prince or how Etrea is only briefly brought up in an option. Another minor example would be the mage’s name – the MC knows their name the entire time, but it’s only brought up pages afterward. That warmaster choice was also very confusing in both how it was worded and the fact that all the other choices before this were from the MC’s perspective.
Typos and other stuff I saw
Warning bells were tolling and the heavy footfalls alerting you to attack.
Add “were” after “footfalls”.
You open your eyes and stare into the fire, only for a moment before drifting to your nearby companion.
The previous sentences when around the campfire are in the past tense but then it shifts to present. Also, the placement of “only for a moment” seems slightly awkward.
And despite, or perhaps because of that you look around for something to dispatch the guards.
Add a comma after “that”.
A sword from one of the prince’s dead guard.
“guard” should be “guards”.
A shortbow and quiver, on a nearby dead man.
Remove the comma.
A set of combat daggers that look to be finely made.
The other two choices say where the MC takes them from, but this one doesn’t.
You quickly swipe it from the grip of the dead man and then slowly move forward.
I noticed the word “quickly” three times in this paragraph. I’d remove two of them to avoid repetition.
The invaders don’t notice you until one already has your blade inside them, when you remove it the first soldier fall dead.
“fall” should be “falls”. Perhaps cut out either the “one already has your blade inside them” part or the “when you remove it” part that the battle feels more fast moving (so it could be something like “The invaders don’t notice you until one already has your blade inside them.” or “The invaders don’t notice you until the first soldier falls dead.”).
However, after a few erratic swings from the second soldier you quickly bury your blade into his side.
I’d remove “however” to again make the battle feel more fast pace.
“I realize you need your beauty rest, Majesty, but shouldn’t we be running away from the invading soldiers right about now?”
Add “Your” before “Majesty”.
His eyes lock on the bodies, but he follows you away from the danger of his home.
Add “to” after “on”.
The prince continues his restless sleep until it’s his time to watch
Add a period at the end.
Looking around you are in your room, the fireplace crackles to fill the silence that always permeated your room.
“crackles” should be “crackling”, “permeated” seems like it should be “permeates” as well.
And then you start as you see a tall shadow watching you from the end of your bed.
I’d reword this so it doesn’t begin with “And then” – that way both the MC and the player notice the shadow at the same time instead of the player being forewarned by the “then”.
Back as far as you can and feel for the weapon you keep under your pillow.
Add “up” after “back”.
Make a shrieking sound, and jump of the bed.
Remove the comma, “of” should be “off”.
You look closer at the figure and then smirked,
“smirked” should be “smirk”.
The shadow hardened, and the familiar figure you addressed looked around at the lavishly decorated bedroom, "I admit some curiosity, but I chose this place under the assumtion that you would find comfort here.
“hardened” should be “hardens”, “looked” should be “looks”, “assumtion” should be “assumption”.
Not that you wouldn’t mind, your mage is a very handsome man.
Change “wouldn’t” to “would”.
‘Of course’, you think looking back at the mage woman, ‘If it wouldn’t that painful if I had to.’
Change “If it wouldn’t that” to “It wouldn’t be”.
You see almost a small bit of relief, in the woman’s features as you move your business to a professional setting.
Remove the comma.
As always he carried himself stiffly, his perfect posture giving him a regal bearing that even you struggled with.
“carried” should be “carries”, “struggled” should be “struggle”.
Your observation ends with his lighting colored eyes.
Is “lightng” supposed to be “lightning”? And does that mean his eyes are white?
He raises a brow, “Should you begin your report?”
I’d change “Should” to “Shouldn’t”.
Ritar nods in approval, it’s good that you are gaining the Warmasters approval with this campaign, you mother was not as diplomatic as she could have been, it would not be beneficial for you to have opposition for your title," he pauses for a moment, before eyes softened, “What about you, my Prince? I have sensed stress.”
Not sure where Ritar is speaking due to missing quotation marks. Also you may want to reword “I have sensed stress” so it flows better.
Your cheeks redden at his concern, “I’m well Ritar. A little tired perhaps, but otherwise fine.”
A lot of these options in this choice feel similar and like they can be condensed down.
You feel a small hint of surprise, you never expected him to ask, nevertheless you have already have a fake one for your cover as a servant.
I’d divide this sentence into two.
And as your names pass through your mind unbidden you realize one other thing,
I would divide this sentence as well.
