Project Xavier (-06/02/24)

Power, riches and eventually…even godhood. These are all things that lay grasp of those that achieve the rank…hunter. Conquer zones, garner wealth, power and influence…for the institute, for you are no hunter…no, not yet at least.

You are but a fledgling, a fish in a small pond. To grasp at all that there is, you must first overcome the many trails of the Xavier institute…

PROJECT XAVIER

Synopsis

You are to enter the Xavier institute, the sole authority in the officiating of hunters in a world so much like our own.

-Evolve your abilities.

-Compete, betray and be betrayed in turn in the fires.

-Explore the tensions between the ‘old world’ and the boundless empires of the conquered zones that overshadow them.

-And yes even love… at your own peril.

Setting

A world that stood much like our own… before it was ravaged.

A half century passed, countless rifts tore through cities and unleashed horrific alien creatures upon humanity. Week after week, the carnage continued, leaving death and destruction in its wake. For an entire year, the world teetered on the edge of extinction, until eleven heroes would emerge. The first and become the first among what the world would come to know, as hunters.

Demo

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55 Likes

Well, two projects deployed in a relatively small time frame is a bit of a surprise and can be an added challenge if you wish to go through with writing both stories at the same time. Not saying it’s impossible, but multiple projects can be an added stress. Anyways some pros and cons and a bit of recommendations.

[I’ve just looked through your profile and realize you have a significant amount of WIP’s, absolutely insane but admirable how you managed to juggle all of these projects]

(I haven’t played the full story, or at least to when the demo ends, however what I found so far I felt I had to address, will be continuing and replaying paths in the future)

Pros: Story starts out interesting and leaves a lot to the imagination about what is to come regarding beasts and monsters that live in the shadows. The first threat introduced, while a bit cartoonish with the choice, actually comes off as a terrifying threat that even our little trash pandas can be suspectable to becoming an eldritch horror beyond our comprehension.

Cons: After the story jumps ahead for a few years there is a serious degrading in quantity of writing, it feels rushed to get you to the part of the story you want, with no world building or flavor text on the surroundings or background. We can use context clues to see that we are a relatively rich family with either a absent family or we are simply orphans, but some more information on who we are and where we are would be great. Seattle, Washington is a wonderful place with lots of identifiable landmarks and beautiful scenery and it’s a shame to ignore it, otherwise what’s the point of mentioning the state otherwise then as a location? Another thing to address is that the conversation choices feel rather dull with not that many options that are different from each other. It seems like there’s two jerk, one kind, and one snobbish option for each dialogue. Some more variety on what we can say would be appreciated, whether its professional, cheeky, sarcastic, or stoic, just more variety. And lastly there’s only the problem with grammar in a variety of parts after the time jump that can turn away a lot of potential readers.

Recommendations: More flavor text on world building, character background, conversations, and the overall setting. Try and fix as much of the grammatical errors you see, and lastly more variety in dialogue to develop our personality.

16 Likes

O shit this gonna be good

1 Like

The writing is good and I like the premise. My suggestion would be a few save slots so people do not have to restart every update. But I can see what the others were saying about it feeling rushed. you have attacks with no explanations as a simple example of how you could expand on things and would help make the world more real. and if i am not going to see my sibling for a few years why no option to hug them. just saying :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Congratulations dear author, so far u are oficialy the person with most wips being worked on at the moment, not that its a bad thing :slight_smile:

5 Likes