Project Xavier (-06/02/24)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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Power, riches and eventually…even godhood. These are all things that lay grasp of those that achieve the rank…hunter. Conquer zones, garner wealth, power and influence…for the institute, for you are no hunter…no, not yet at least.

You are but a fledgling, a fish in a small pond. To grasp at all that there is, you must first overcome the many trails of the Xavier institute…

PROJECT XAVIER

Synopsis

You are to enter the Xavier institute, the sole authority in the officiating of hunters in a world so much like our own.

-Evolve your abilities.

-Compete, betray and be betrayed in turn in the fires.

-Explore the tensions between the ‘old world’ and the boundless empires of the conquered zones that overshadow them.

-And yes even love… at your own peril.

Setting

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A world that stood much like our own… before it was ravaged.

A half century passed, countless rifts tore through cities and unleashed horrific alien creatures upon humanity. Week after week, the carnage continued, leaving death and destruction in its wake. For an entire year, the world teetered on the edge of extinction, until eleven heroes would emerge. The first and become the first among what the world would come to know, as hunters.

Demo

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Well, two projects deployed in a relatively small time frame is a bit of a surprise and can be an added challenge if you wish to go through with writing both stories at the same time. Not saying it’s impossible, but multiple projects can be an added stress. Anyways some pros and cons and a bit of recommendations.

[I’ve just looked through your profile and realize you have a significant amount of WIP’s, absolutely insane but admirable how you managed to juggle all of these projects]

(I haven’t played the full story, or at least to when the demo ends, however what I found so far I felt I had to address, will be continuing and replaying paths in the future)

Pros: Story starts out interesting and leaves a lot to the imagination about what is to come regarding beasts and monsters that live in the shadows. The first threat introduced, while a bit cartoonish with the choice, actually comes off as a terrifying threat that even our little trash pandas can be suspectable to becoming an eldritch horror beyond our comprehension.

Cons: After the story jumps ahead for a few years there is a serious degrading in quantity of writing, it feels rushed to get you to the part of the story you want, with no world building or flavor text on the surroundings or background. We can use context clues to see that we are a relatively rich family with either a absent family or we are simply orphans, but some more information on who we are and where we are would be great. Seattle, Washington is a wonderful place with lots of identifiable landmarks and beautiful scenery and it’s a shame to ignore it, otherwise what’s the point of mentioning the state otherwise then as a location? Another thing to address is that the conversation choices feel rather dull with not that many options that are different from each other. It seems like there’s two jerk, one kind, and one snobbish option for each dialogue. Some more variety on what we can say would be appreciated, whether its professional, cheeky, sarcastic, or stoic, just more variety. And lastly there’s only the problem with grammar in a variety of parts after the time jump that can turn away a lot of potential readers.

Recommendations: More flavor text on world building, character background, conversations, and the overall setting. Try and fix as much of the grammatical errors you see, and lastly more variety in dialogue to develop our personality.

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O shit this gonna be good

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The writing is good and I like the premise. My suggestion would be a few save slots so people do not have to restart every update. But I can see what the others were saying about it feeling rushed. you have attacks with no explanations as a simple example of how you could expand on things and would help make the world more real. and if i am not going to see my sibling for a few years why no option to hug them. just saying :slight_smile:

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Congratulations dear author, so far u are oficialy the person with most wips being worked on at the moment, not that its a bad thing :slight_smile:

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Thanks for reading!

Yes, there’s actually a few of us sharing the account and pen name. Any issues at present unfortunately are more ‘skill issue’ than workload oriented. But yes, we’re all improving and there’ll often be many reworks of the entire game fixing a lot of issues from grammatic issues to narrative flow. I’ve personally been revisiting my favorite COGs as of late. Trying to learn the mechanics of everything that made them such a good read. That’s all to say my ‘pen game’ needs work and it’ll take some time.

On world building- You’re right on the rush post time skip the writing is very ‘floaty’ post time skip, it’s not as vivid as I’d like. I’m working on this, revisiting my favorite COGs to remember more about how they handled grounding players, I was rushing, trying to get to the part of the story you will be exploring, otherwise the story simply won’t find the time to explore DC the way you might want. The first section represents a permanent departure from the ‘normal’, when you begin post time skip you’re already as alien as the monsters you ran from with your strange technology, you’re a bored demi-god who attained everything the world could offer you it’s a quirk you’ll share with many other candidates and students form the ‘normal’ world. Your ambition is to subdue a zone and conquer a world of your own, thematically this isn’t going to be the same person taking leisurely strolls passed the capitol building. You’re rushing past it all with spiteful disregard, It’s something everyone whose moved from a small town to a large city or from a poorer country to a wealthier one would understand. Otherwise when things slow down you’ll be able to take your time.

Dialogue-Yes unfortunately dialogue is an iffy issue right now, because canonically, the Xavier institute is very cutthroat and ruthless… You’re supposed to be guarded, only ever addressing everyone around you flippantly, the dialogue options just flavor how you go about it. You expect everyone you see in the trial to die, you’re dis-associating in way, talking at people and not with them. Conveying something so complex needs more work. I might need to overhaul dialogue a few times I’m sure… But I am going to be adding more verity for personalities as per your suggestion, the options present aren’t enough I agree.

Thank you for the critique. I welcome more, I’ve found some might prefer to direct message as well. I’m open to that as well. Ever looking to improve.

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Here’s hoping… :grin:

Thank you. Hoping you enjoy what I have to show in the next few days.

Thank you. Yeah I’ll be sure to expand the heartfelt goodbye considering…well :zipper_mouth_face:. I’m also working on the pacing, there’s a few things I still have to implement to the structure of my writing.

Well…I’m not to sure about that we’re more of a small group. But thank you we have a lot more coming!

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