New story ( Titled Mages Tale)

**odane94** · May 25, 2015, 6:58pm

I Have done a major rewrite of the first 2 chapters. I decided that I needed to add more details to the beginning and I wrote a more detailed outline of the story so I had to change somethings. Please leave comment, suggestions, tips, ideas. I love getting feedback

--------> The New Rewrite Demo Chapter 1 and 2 —>https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/q0t1r9dc2h2kn6c/Mages%20Tale(2).html?dl=0

Basic Plot:
MC is taken to a world of magic where they learn that they are a mage. They set out on an adventure to discover and learn more about the magic and the new world. I don’t want to give too much away more details will come with more chapters.

Characters:
Elis - Mage teacher
Carly - MC’s Bestfriend
Taria - Elf Archer
Talio - Elf Mage
Riley - Swordsman

Villains:
King Lan - Dark King
Queen Lan - Dark Queen
Brog - Dark Mage
Zig - Swordsman (leader of Lan’s Army)

Let me know if there are any questions. Check Back for more added scenes.

**FairyGodfeather** · May 23, 2015, 12:16am

You need to upload your files to the internet. The wiki has some instructions.

**adamthecowdog** · May 23, 2015, 4:03am

I can’t even play the demo so I can’t tell you if it’s good or not fix the link so we can play

**ballmot** · May 23, 2015, 4:05am

@adamthecowdog
He eventually managed to make it work.

The link is on this thread.

**Nikki** · May 23, 2015, 4:44am

Seems like a really good concept, will the best friend be a romance option? There’s some grammar mistakes such as issues with capitalization (things that don’t need to be capitalized are capitalized, the beginning of sentences lack capitalization), odd comma placement, and a couple of spelling errors. Keep up the good work much success!

“what are you?” you tell me this is your dream “this is some wierd dream” (this is what I get for having sugar before bed) Well you still cant sleep here so get moving buddy. “Where are we anyway?” your really dull are’nt you this is still your dream where do you think you are? You look around and the place where you are reminds you of your town. What kind of town do you live in?

**FairyGodfeather** · May 23, 2015, 10:51am

@Odane94 Please pick one of your game topics to keep open. I’ll close the other one since they both seem to be about exactly the same thing.

**odane94** · May 23, 2015, 3:57pm

Close the first one called mages tale… keep this one open

**odane94** · May 23, 2015, 4:12pm

Thanks I will do some more proof reading … I was thinking about
including the Bestfriend as a romance option , thinking about how to work
it into the story because the bestfriend is part of the plotline. They get
taken by the villain which is the prompt for the make character going after
the villain.

**odane94** · May 23, 2015, 5:52pm

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/5zsh8yh7wxv6lgk/Mage%20Tale(1).html?dl=0

I edited some things that you suggested take a look.

**Nikki** · May 23, 2015, 11:53pm

Nice clean up! Be careful of the word “you’re” as you are, and “your” as possession, and the word “aren’t” is separated between the n and t.

**odane94** · May 25, 2015, 7:05pm

@ballmot @adamthecowdog @Nikki
Check Out the new rewrite ------->https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/q0t1r9dc2h2kn6c/Mages%20Tale(2).html?dl=0

**Keira** · May 27, 2015, 1:16pm

Magic, something most people don’t believe in,
but wether they believe or not there is a place where it exists.
A place where there is magic, mystery, and adventure.
A place where humans are not the only inhabitants.
A place filled with creatures people wish they could see
and monsters people never want to see.

Should be “whether” instead of “wether”.

**The_Moonlit_Shadow** · October 12, 2015, 1:21am

There’s a lot of grammar mistakes. Still in the middle of playing the demo.

Got here by the rec, guess I’m necroing, sorry.

**Jjcb** · October 12, 2015, 11:26pm

@jasonstevanhill

**jasonstevanhill** · October 13, 2015, 4:32pm