Moving to Twine! - Greater than Gods WIP

thank you!!

thanks!! i’m glad you’re liking it

Sounds amazing

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Yes. Yes this is good. I’m loving this a lot and so excited to see what else you have planned!

Tegan and Evan are the best and I’m glad to be their friends. Also I cant wait to meet the other ROs!

Keep up the great work my friend :blush:!!

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:grin:Really really cool I love it keep up the amazing work :grin:

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Alright I’m hooked already. I really wanna know what happens next😂 cant wait for more!

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This was awesome! Can’t wait to see what happens next.

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I enjoyed what you wrote so far! Keep it up!

A few points I noticed
  • You can reply to multiple people in one post by using the @ for exapmle: @pixelcerin @YHGS

  • Evan chuckles at my confidence, yet his eyebrows remain furrowed.

This sentence is the only one phrased in first person, the rest are always in second person.

  • As readers, we know that our PC will be fine because of the prologue so I wasn’t concerned at all while the doctor said something might be wrong. If you want to create a feeling of suspense and urgency for the reader I would change or remove the prologue and possibly starting with a simple “You don’t age.”. That way it sounds ominous and problematic instead of like a superpower.
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Hi guys!! Sorry I haven’t had many updates yet. I’m finishing my finals on the 17th and afterwards I’m setting all of my free time to rewrite chapter one with every suggestion to improve it!

In the meantime, one of my favorite artists will be opening commissions soon and I’d love to get a slot if possible, but I’d like to ask you guys first who you’d like to see art of. for that reason I’m linking this poll for you guys to decide who to see! I’ll be seeing you again soon I promise.

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Update regarding the poll: Zophiel won!

edit: I actually spoke with the artist and I decided the piece will include the three versions of Zophiel, so the old poll to decide the gender won’t be changing much in the end.

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Saw Evan was a RO and got super excited. Then I saw he was gay :sleepy:

I normally don’t play as men in IFs, but I might have to just so I can romance the playful and charming manizer!!

The premise of the story is interesting, but I’m having a little trouble buying in because basically, the MC ages well and that eventually leads to friends forcing MC to see a doctor and eventually learning what they “have” doesn’t have a bad prognosis so in my mind, I’m like WHO CARES THEN?! Like, there are far worse things than AGING WELL lol. So in my head, I 1. wouldn’t have gone to the doctor to begin with and would’ve told my overbearing friends to suck it and 2. wouldn’t have sought more answers if ultimately the syndrome isn’t killing me slowly lol. I kinda wish there were some choices along those lines (like after finding out whats going on, still feeling like “I really don’t care about this”)

I know that whole situation is necessary to propel the story forward though, so I shall endure!! Lol.

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Thank you!! these are issues I was already planning to work on when I rewrote the chapter. So while, yes some railroading will be needed in order to get the plot where I need it, I’ll definitely will be adding more freedom on how to feel about more things. Hopefully it will flow better by the next update!

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Soooooooo COOOL!!!~ its great I like how Evan and Tegan contrast each others personality, but can be a marshmallow to the MC and Tegans expressing motherlylove, its like MC is a bridge to their relationship, the concept is awesome!!! U slay!!~ my mannnn/dude/girl/lady

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I finished my last final already, so I’m officially on summer break and making sure you guys get a better version of the chapter I can fully be proud of.

imagen

The current goals I want to edit/include are:

  • Fixing the pacing: I’m still unsure how to fully tackle it, but I definitely know it has its flaws, esp closer to the end of the chapter.

  • Giving the MC more freedom of choice: I didn’t even notice this at first until some people pointed it out. Hopefully this time your MCs feel less railroaded and have more possibilities to decide how they’re feeling about the situation around them. (For example, see the screenshot)

  • Reworking the household: I will be tweaking here and there some aspects of the MC’s household which I won’t be revealing yet. But maybe you’ll be able to decide if you have a permanent job in a certain coffee shop among other things. :flushed:

  • Adding an option to go alone to the doctor: This was a requested branch I had postponed, so I’ll make sure it’s there now!

That’s the plan for now! More changes might come as I find out other things that bug me or proofreaders point out, but hopefully, this will be a more enjoyable game for everyone once this is tackled.

Thank you everyone for sticking around, every comment or like showing interest in my game means the world to me and motivates me to keep getting better!

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廖…强?


Aaaand, for those MC who have a crush on Evan, maaaybe that choice about “interested in Evan” could come earlier when MC notice the hickey, and then they can be…umm, ranging from heartbroken to finds it interesting, you know, just to add in some drama. :rofl:


Nope, only tried to find out if that’s how his name written in Chinese or nah.

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I’m sorry but I don’t understand, is there anything wrong with his name?

As far as I can tell, that character for Qiang is actually a pretty good one, as it can literally mean “Strong”. Liao though… That one read independently, but as a pair with Qiang, makes for a surprising chuckle.

At least, according to what the google monster tells me. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

It is more the character chosen than anything, but...

The “essence” of the character sums up to mean “little to none” in a sense. Poor Evan. :joy:

So there’s nothing wrong here that I can tell. :wink:

Though I will admit that there are other ways to phonetically write what sounds like “liao” with different characters. I don’t personally know them, but I’m willing to believe there’s more than a dozen ways, and more again besides when you take regional quirks into account.

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Greater than Gods has updated!

And so, the rewrites and changes from chapter one and the first peak into chapter 2 are here! You should restart your file since there’s too many changes and the variables won’t work properly.

The update features:

  • Complete rewrites of chapter one from scratch. Many aspects have been changed and taken into consideration loads of feedback, so it hopefully becomes a more enjoyable read!

  • The first introduction to a certain character… who could that be

As usual I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts regarding the update and I’m thankful for your patience!

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