thank you!!
thanks!! iām glad youāre liking it
Sounds amazing
Yes. Yes this is good. Iām loving this a lot and so excited to see what else you have planned!
Tegan and Evan are the best and Iām glad to be their friends. Also I cant wait to meet the other ROs!
Keep up the great work my friend !!
Really really cool I love it keep up the amazing work
Alright Iām hooked already. I really wanna know what happens nextš cant wait for more!
This was awesome! Canāt wait to see what happens next.
I enjoyed what you wrote so far! Keep it up!
A few points I noticed
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Evan chuckles at my confidence, yet his eyebrows remain furrowed.
This sentence is the only one phrased in first person, the rest are always in second person.
- As readers, we know that our PC will be fine because of the prologue so I wasnāt concerned at all while the doctor said something might be wrong. If you want to create a feeling of suspense and urgency for the reader I would change or remove the prologue and possibly starting with a simple āYou donāt age.ā. That way it sounds ominous and problematic instead of like a superpower.
Hi guys!! Sorry I havenāt had many updates yet. Iām finishing my finals on the 17th and afterwards Iām setting all of my free time to rewrite chapter one with every suggestion to improve it!
In the meantime, one of my favorite artists will be opening commissions soon and Iād love to get a slot if possible, but Iād like to ask you guys first who youād like to see art of. for that reason Iām linking this poll for you guys to decide who to see! Iāll be seeing you again soon I promise.
Update regarding the poll: Zophiel won!
edit: I actually spoke with the artist and I decided the piece will include the three versions of Zophiel, so the old poll to decide the gender wonāt be changing much in the end.
Saw Evan was a RO and got super excited. Then I saw he was gay
I normally donāt play as men in IFs, but I might have to just so I can romance the playful and charming manizer!!
The premise of the story is interesting, but Iām having a little trouble buying in because basically, the MC ages well and that eventually leads to friends forcing MC to see a doctor and eventually learning what they āhaveā doesnāt have a bad prognosis so in my mind, Iām like WHO CARES THEN?! Like, there are far worse things than AGING WELL lol. So in my head, I 1. wouldnāt have gone to the doctor to begin with and wouldāve told my overbearing friends to suck it and 2. wouldnāt have sought more answers if ultimately the syndrome isnāt killing me slowly lol. I kinda wish there were some choices along those lines (like after finding out whats going on, still feeling like āI really donāt care about thisā)
I know that whole situation is necessary to propel the story forward though, so I shall endure!! Lol.
Thank you!! these are issues I was already planning to work on when I rewrote the chapter. So while, yes some railroading will be needed in order to get the plot where I need it, Iāll definitely will be adding more freedom on how to feel about more things. Hopefully it will flow better by the next update!
Soooooooo COOOL!!!~ its great I like how Evan and Tegan contrast each others personality, but can be a marshmallow to the MC and Tegans expressing motherlylove, its like MC is a bridge to their relationship, the concept is awesome!!! U slay!!~ my mannnn/dude/girl/lady
I finished my last final already, so Iām officially on summer break and making sure you guys get a better version of the chapter I can fully be proud of.
The current goals I want to edit/include are:
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Fixing the pacing: Iām still unsure how to fully tackle it, but I definitely know it has its flaws, esp closer to the end of the chapter.
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Giving the MC more freedom of choice: I didnāt even notice this at first until some people pointed it out. Hopefully this time your MCs feel less railroaded and have more possibilities to decide how theyāre feeling about the situation around them. (For example, see the screenshot)
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Reworking the household: I will be tweaking here and there some aspects of the MCās household which I wonāt be revealing yet. But maybe youāll be able to decide if you have a permanent job in a certain coffee shop among other things.
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Adding an option to go alone to the doctor: This was a requested branch I had postponed, so Iāll make sure itās there now!
Thatās the plan for now! More changes might come as I find out other things that bug me or proofreaders point out, but hopefully, this will be a more enjoyable game for everyone once this is tackled.
Thank you everyone for sticking around, every comment or like showing interest in my game means the world to me and motivates me to keep getting better!
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Aaaand, for those MC who have a crush on Evan, maaaybe that choice about āinterested in Evanā could come earlier when MC notice the hickey, and then they can beā¦umm, ranging from heartbroken to finds it interesting, you know, just to add in some drama.
Nope, only tried to find out if thatās how his name written in Chinese or nah.
Iām sorry but I donāt understand, is there anything wrong with his name?
As far as I can tell, that character for Qiang is actually a pretty good one, as it can literally mean āStrongā. Liao thoughā¦ That one read independently, but as a pair with Qiang, makes for a surprising chuckle.
At least, according to what the google monster tells me.
It is more the character chosen than anything, but...
The āessenceā of the character sums up to mean ālittle to noneā in a sense. Poor Evan.
So thereās nothing wrong here that I can tell.
Though I will admit that there are other ways to phonetically write what sounds like āliaoā with different characters. I donāt personally know them, but Iām willing to believe thereās more than a dozen ways, and more again besides when you take regional quirks into account.
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Greater than Gods has updated!
And so, the rewrites and changes from chapter one and the first peak into chapter 2 are here! You should restart your file since thereās too many changes and the variables wonāt work properly.
The update features:
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Complete rewrites of chapter one from scratch. Many aspects have been changed and taken into consideration loads of feedback, so it hopefully becomes a more enjoyable read!
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The first introduction to a certain characterā¦ who could that be
As usual Iād love to hear everyoneās thoughts regarding the update and Iām thankful for your patience!