Moonbathing (WIP) - 10k

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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I’ve begun work on my new game Moonbathing.

In it, you play… some manifestation of the moon, with fragmented memories and a generous pile of curiosity.

Currently 1/3rd of the prologue is out (10k Words).

To play the demo, go here: DEMO (10K)

Tumblr is riiiiiight here: TUMBLR. Feel free to send feedback or any bug reports there. You’ll find most updates there too because I’m undoubtedly going to forget to update here a few times. :wink:

Summary

You are… you.

At least, you think you are.

Questions of identity are tricky little things. Is a reflection the same as the thing it mirrors? Is it something lesser, or something entirely its own? You’ve had centuries to think about it and still haven’t found an answer.

Granted, a lot of that time was probably spent sleeping.

What you do know is this (From a single memory and the unreliable recounts of a journalist): long ago, you awoke in a stone sarcophagus overlooking the sea. You probably wandered the land for years beyond counting, collecting stories, sights, and memories that never seemed inclined to stay put. Then, one day, you returned to where it all began and fell into a deep sleep.

And now, moon, you’ve awakened once more.

Features
  • Play as…some form of physical manifestation of the moon. You’re not too sure yourself.
  • Customise your moon, from their appearance to their pronouns, to their personality.
  • Freeload off a poor paramedic or actually get a job.
  • Decide whether you feel closer to being human or something other.
  • Befriend or romance a cast of 6 characters, from a charming journalist to a person you’ve only seen in your memories. Probably.
  • Work with your new buddies to find out exactly what you are, and if your sudden appearance is linked to the strange phenomena happening in the seaside town of Merrow.
Romantic Interests

The Journalist: Nanya Walsh - She/Her [RO]

One of two journalists in town. And naturally, she knows everyone, for better or worse. Which made it all the more interesting when someone she didn’t kno stumbled into her dressed in soaked Ancient Greek cosplay. She thinks you make a wonderful Poseidon.

The Boyish Brother of Two: Charles “Charlie” Albright - He/Him [RO]

Everything about Charlie is colourful, from that flannel jacket he insists on wearing everywhere to that head of… red? Orange? Hair that very nearly blinds you whenever you stare at it for too long. And luckily for a waterlogged creature like you, he’s more than happy to accommodate you in his wonderful household.

The Mayor’s Daughter: Lucia Beauregard - She/Her [RO]

You get the feeling she hates as much attention as she receives, judging by that horrifying look in her eyes. But from the way she’s constantly looking for it, you’re not too sure. She’s allegedly picture-perfect. You’ll be the judge of that. You’ll be seeing a lot of her after all.

The Town Pariah: Quest Rivers - He/Him [RO]

Just Quest, or Rivers. He hates the full thing. There’s a rumour around town about his parents playing D&D whilst coming up with baby names. Luckily, you have more than enough time to get close and find out all his little secrets… somehow. He kind of scares you.

You Don’t Actually Know: Warden Hearst - He/Him [RO?]

A psychologist? Doctor? Archaeologist? He’s told you he’s many things, helpful being one of them, and whether begrudgingly or not, you have to admit it holds true. He’s taken a strange interest in you, as have many people around town. Yet his form of interest seems a bit… off.

A Fragment of Your Memories: Redacted [Partial RO]

You see them in your dreams sometimes. Particularly in that one memory you have swirling around that jumbled-up head of yours. From what you remember, you were quite close. You don’t know if they’re still around or if they ever existed in the first place, but you can find out.

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Thoughts - the game maintains the numinous and mysterious atmosphere throughout, but feels like it’s simply meandering instead of getting into the plot by the end of the demo. At the end, I didn’t get much of an idea as to where the story was headed next.

The premise you introduced is pretty unique, and the writing was fine, I didn’t see any issues, but you might want to flesh out the full prologue first.

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I cannot say with any certainty what I think about the premise itself and in many ways, I am not a fan of the writing style itself. The names Elara and Lyra, the town name Merrow, the abundance of em-dashes, the short choppy sentences, the “Thing. Thing. Thing” construct, meta-narration directed at the reader (rather than scenes that trust the reader to infer meaning) and the summaries of what a character is thinking about rather than the thoughts themselves are all things that generated text defaults to a great deal. I am not accusing you of generating this. I am explaining what those things that generate text use constantly and asking if you would slap the “This project does not/does use AI” checkbox up there, that is all.

That being said: The passages are too short for my liking, but that is just a “me” thing; I much prefer to read actual pages of text; passages that are only a few sentences or paragraphs long just don’t look or read “right,” if that makes sense- and again, this is just my opinion and is not a criticism, it’s just reader preference/opinion, it is largely inconsequential and different people will have differing thoughts about something like that.

I was honestly bored after the first couple of screens; I would have been impressed (rather than being bored) if the world had been described in detail (which, to me, would have been interesting; the vague hints alluding to things from the past didn’t catch my interest, unfortunately, due to those things reading more as side notes than anything else)Taking the first paragraph I wrote out of consideration for a moment, it reads more like one of those early-2000s “art games” that were widespread in RPGMaker communities and honestly, I’ve never been a fan of that level of non-descriptive abstraction. I did not do what the deer seemed to want- and the instances that could have been harrowing or actually dangerous ended up being inconsequential.

Beyond that, there was no real immersion for me. So far, it resembles a walking simulator (as far as I can tell) and while I know that ten thousand words is not much to critique, I still know almost nothing about the protagonist beyond the customization that I chose; nothing in the text has given me a reason to care about her, what she is experiencing, or why. She seems to function as a passive thing moving through the environment and I am not a fan of that degree of passivity. The one thing that makes me curious in a way is to find out what time period this takes place in; the MC has archaic clothing and the other woman has some kind of phone.

I honestly don’t think this is something that I’ll revisit- slower pacing is great, but as it stands, the introduction is too meandering for my taste. These are just my opinions though- and I’m sure that I am an outlier in my preferences. I don’t doubt that you’ll attract quite a few people!

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The rest of your feedback is completely within your right to say as constructive criticism, even if it’s a bit harsh, but this caught me as unfair and unwarranted. I could be wrong, but isn’t accusing someone of using AI against the rules? And even if it weren’t, I find your reasoning incredibly weak. Dolling out accusations like this because of names is so ???. And there’s a reason why aspects of writing styles such as em-dashes and “choppy” sentences are so evident in LLMS: it’s because LLMS scraped real writers and found things that were common in writing.

In the first paragraph, you tell OP that you’re not accusing them of using AI. In the second, you basically tell them to confess. Trying to scrutinize people and accuse them of writing with AI is not only unproductive, it’s downright harmful.

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This was a very interesting start! I look forward to more!

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This forum is not the place for raising questions about AI use. If you’re aware of any such usage, please send your concerns to submissions AT hostedgames DOT org with any evidence you have so a member of company staff can address it.

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