Disclaimer: I am not talking about any specific incidents here; I know way too little about how this forum works to be talking about the people you suspect I am. If you think I am pointing fingers at anyone in particular, that is just filtering my words through your own experiences. It’s natural, but I still have probably never heard of the person you think I am talking about.
As someone who was a moderator in the dark ages of the internet (oh WFB, the most peaceful of fandoms), there was one big lesson I learned there:
The forum users never know the whole story, and neither do the moderators.
The first is more damaging to the community, and the second can be very damaging to individuals.
For example: There are stories circulating, which sound weird and hurtful and illogical, and how could anything like that happen? I don’t understand what’s happening? Or why? What if it happened to me?
We’ve heard those stories before, people banned for a thousand years, kicked out for breathing in the wrong direction, or any other of a dozen incidents. I’ve heard them and have no idea about the details, but they still make me wonder what was going on. Curiosity is as natural as fear for your own safety.
And yet. I know how this goes. I am hearing second-hand accounts from people I know nothing about, who might tell and retell stories, and who knows what information gets forgotten or changed? I never read the original posts. Or partook in the discussions. Or saw what might have been written before deleted. Or the PMs. Or anything else. What I see is the aftermath, the moderator post announcing a decision, copy-pasted from a DM, and used as fight fuel.
I’ve been a moderator. I’ve seen how information gets twisted, sometimes by ill-intent, most often by word of mouth, and people wanting to use old grievances to support their own. Or, if they were directly involved, because they filter what they tell people through the lens of their own hurt feelings. Real feelings. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong; you can be hurt all the same.
And yet, even if nobody knows the whole background, the emotions that bringing up things like this cause are real. Because IF that was the whole truth, it would be terrible. Most people, including me, react very strongly against perceived injustice (whether it’s true or not).
Adding to the complications, moderators try to keep things out of the public eye to avoid further harm to people as they try to sort things out. At least we did, and from what I have seen of this place, the same goes here. That means that the regular forum user only sees the first slip, and then the massive crash down the hill four miles away, and not the road that gets there. If they notice at all.
This is usually the best way of dealing with things since it keeps the 99% of forum users from being forced to have first-hand seats to fights they aren’t involved in and helps things from escalating because some people just like to pile on. Often this allows things to be resolved without anything blowing up, and everyone involved can go back to their business. Sometimes it does not, and that’s when bans might happen.
Do they happen too often or for the wrong thing? I have no way of telling, and neither does any other forum user. What I can say is that I do regret not banning more people back when I was a moderator on a different site. If we had, a lot of grief would have been saved in the long run. Would we have banned someone who didn’t deserve it? Yes, at the time, we did not know they would grow up and change their ways. Nobody can see the future; how do you judge one person being allowed space to learn how to socialize instead of antagonize against a dozen people leaving because of the tensions they caused?
Being a moderator is hard. Being moderated is also hard.
This finally brings me to part two of my statement above. The moderators don’t know the whole story either. An argument on the forums might have deep roots, and the moderator might only catch a singular instance. A person might have been pushed and hurt off-site, and then the fight moves here, but the person who lashes out might be the aggrieved party. The bullied finally hitting the bully, but this time there is a teacher around, and they are the one getting in trouble. It’s a classic.
This is one of the reasons why trying to solve it in PMs is a good idea. To get the full story. If the person in question can talk calmly, everything usually resolves itself. Misunderstandings happen all the time. BUT people are people.
Some people react very badly to being told what to do. Even if there are good reasons for it. If there is anything this pandemic has taught us, it’s that (just watch any video of anti-mask wearing tantrums in stores). If someone perceives they have been unfairly warned/flagged/accused, they might snap and go on the attack. This goes double if the issue is emotional and tied to their politics/identity/views, which is why those subjects tend to be the ones causing the drama.
This is the point where I can very easily see things escalating to a ban for questioning moderation instead of just talking things through.
So what’s the solution here? I don’t have one. Not everyone can be Gower (seriously, his calm reasoning skills here and elsewhere are something I envy). I just wanted to get this out there.
TLDR:
- The forum users never know the whole story, and neither do the moderators.
- Bringing up past events is not the gotcha you think it is.
- Focus on what you can personally do to fix the issue.
- The rules can never be clear enough; try to focus on the spirit.
- If a situation/poster/thread/forum makes you feel bad, walk away.
And in the end, this is CoG’s site, their rules. If you want discussions they don’t want here or talk in a manner they don’t feel conductive, go elsewhere. That’s why there are many sites. There is nothing wrong with coming here for WIPS or help and talking politics or sharing memes elsewhere. I do. There’s no obligation for any site to be what you want it to be.