Mission Veritas wip [last update Aug 25th]

Hello! I know it might still be quite early for a demo, but I’m just too eager to wait… Besides, I’m using this as an excuse to motivate myself and take this project seriously; I really don’t want to drop it because of lack of motivation. Plus, if I get some feedback, even better! :smiley:

SYNOPSIS

You’ve lived on Haven Island for years now, trained to be a soldier and protect the place that you have grown to call home. But somehow, safety and survival are not enough anymore. Not when the emptiness of your stomachs is slowly making its ache known; not when the water around your small island now seems too dark and too close; not when the need for freedom begins to claw at your skin.

But the life on the other side of the water is feral and deadly; you know its bloodthirsty darkness is ready to swallow you in endless painful ways.

So, you turn away from the sight of the distant darkness, and instead lay your hopes upon the beacon of dreams and memories that is set at the center of the island — its light so peaceful, yet as dangerous as the darkness of the Outside.

The Nexus — a machine that allows a person to connect one’s mind to another’s — awaits you, with a promise of freedom and a threat of corruption. For your people, you have offered yourself for the Connection, knowing it is the only chance that might bring your kind a new, better future.

You will dive in the memories of who might have had the key to the start of the apocalypse, with the hope of finding the cure to save what remains of humanity.

ABOUT

Mission Veritas is a sci-fi interactive novel set in a world where what remains of humanity has found refuge on an island, away from the dangers of an ongoing apocalypse.

But, when even the last haven left on earth is not so safe anymore, your kind is forced to relay on the Nexus — a machine that offers you a sliver of hope and weights you down with the threat of corruption.

For your people, you offered yourself to explore the memories of who might have had a key role on the making of the virus staining the world, with the hopes of putting a stop to the apocalypse and bringing peace to your people.

Will you succeed on your mission or will you force everyone to seek for another safe place with no true hope of survival?

— — —

DETAILS / MUST KNOW
  • Gameplay

The stats are currently useless, as I’m planning to work on them on a later date. If you find words or charts that don’t make sense, please just ignore them, I’m probably just trying to see what works and what doesn’t.

  • Routes & Choices

There are multiple route for you to choose from, each one is different than the other. I’d play multiple times to see which of them is the most interesting to you. For now the game is only around 10k words total, with an average playthrough or around 6k.

  • Romance

The game will include romance, but I’ll take my time to better flesh out the characters first, before revealing who is a RO.

  • Updates

My schedule is a big of a mess at the moment and I’ll try to update as much as I can. Though I’m planning to have a general update every one or two weeks.

  • Addictional Details

Did I miss something? If I did, feel free to let me know. All constructive feedback is welcome (though, I suggest you skip over any misspelling you find of your list might be quite long… I’ll get back to it I promise!)

Word Count

Total (with code): 20 k
Average playthrough: 10.5 k

— — —

You can find all link here:

| DEMO | TUMBLR |

But before you click—!

:warning: !!WARNING!! :warning:

This game might contain blood, violence, trauma, possible torture, Implied experimentation on people and children.

Just wanted to give you a heads up, I’m a Ning to keep the explicit to the minimum, but you never know.

— — —

UPDATES

I’m planning to update every one or two weeks, but my days are getting busier the more time goes on lately… I’ll try my best, of course; still, I wouldn’t trust that schedule.

  1. = major changes
  2. = minor changes
August 25th
    • stats are now ready
    • i’ve decided to upload entire chapters from now on, for obvious reason
    • you can view the change of setting in-game and/or in the stats (if find it quite distracting, but i know people might think otherwise. So i’ve just made so you can decide how to view it)
August 9th
    • added first true interaction with two of the Mc’s team mates and a few back story scenes.
    • added bits of info of how Haven works.
    • one of the team mates had his name changed from Evan to Ethan. (Delia might have her name changed as well)
July 27th
    • Host 3 is now available as a choice route.
    • many of the chunkier paragraphs are now shorrter.
    • less repetitive text between choices.
    • minor spelling / grammar check.
July 19th
    • fixed issue where you’d play through all of the routes available, instead of only the one you chose
    • Minor spell/grammar check
To Do/Fix
  • grammar and spell check
  • Fix / add better descriptions
  • Add better introduction scene for the Mc’s team
  • Fix host 1 route

Additional information and details will be added here and/or on Tumblr as I update the game, though feel free to ask me anything. If you have any constructive feedback, let me know and thank you in advance! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

82 Likes
Grammar and spelling feedback
  • Quite a lot of capitalisation errors, especially in the dialogue and after periods.

…the First had said. “We know you all have your hands full, what with all that is happening right now, and so we will force no one to endure an additional task to carry on. We are only asking for a volunteer,

  • Should have a period instead of a comma.

You have half the kind to answer her that you’re trying,

  • Should be mind.

Being thrown into an immediate ‘fight or flight’ situation haft way out of the Flood

  • Spelling error, should be half or halfway

Your host — this Chris — jumb

  • I think it’s meant to be jump or jumps, either of the two.

Writing feedback
  • A lot of the sentences are pretty long, making them hard to read. I would recommend you break them up every now and then.

Really big chunk of text that should be broken down for easier reading.

Morgan watches you, as you shed off most of your clothes and step inside the Nexus. This is it, you think, fingers brushing against the cool glass of the machine. Your feet touch the centre piece of the Nexus and you hear the round glass panels around you shift and slide one over the other. When you turn, the opening you just stepped through is no more, as if the had never been there to begin with, and you feel a shiver run down your spine at the fleeting thought of no exit (no escape ), and pure solitude. But then, you see Morgan give you a thumbs up through the glass, the fingers of her other hand sliding over the smooth, transparent panel set before her, “I know, I know. The first time you enter the Nexus is quite overwhelming,” she tells you, her voice clear as if she were standing right beside you and not on the other side of this clean, thick glass that feels so much like a temporary prison. “For a successful connection, we will need for your mind and body to be ready. So, you can take a little while to calm yourself down, while we prepare for the connection.”


“No. But I like to pretend to be checking one’s health, so [that] they are more inclined to let me do what I want to them.” You’re unsure whether to take that as a joke or if she was merely stating a fact. She’s known for her deep interest in science not for her morale, after all.

She helps you up and onto your feet, hand firm on your arm and attention fixated on her folder, while you still struggle to stand on unsteady legs.

You are led to take a seat at head desk while she slides a sheet of paper before you, “Put down as much as you remember, then we’ll break it down and add all the details that may have slipped you the first time.” And with that, she leaves you at her desk, while she moves to check on the Nexus.

  • Bolded are my corrections.

  • I think you meant to use “speak of the devil” instead of “speaking of the devil”. We use the former when we notice the person that we’re speaking of. The latter, however, is used as an interjection after said devil has been referred to. Explanation here.

“Right,” you shake your head, before stepping back to get a good look at them. The three of them are all geared up, as if ready to go on mission. If you think about it, that must be the case. “Aren’t you heading out?”

  • This line feels unnecessary to me, since it’s already stated that they look ready to go on a mission.

Story/gameplay feedback

“I know what it could cause, Atlas,” you cut him off, and he blinks at you in stunned surprise, “I’ve already been briefed with every danger I’m putting myself into the moment I offer my help.”

“Then—”

  • An option for a determined MC would be nice. Something like “You drown out his words, focusing only on the confidence you have in your Host.”

  • Option for choosing MC’s gender was kind of confusing, probably due to the repeating text. Perhaps there’s a way to only include the dialogue tag (I can think of one, but I’m not sure if you’d want to read it in case I come off as standoffish)

With a sigh, you turn and look up at the gates. Somehow, you have the feeling that crossing them will only disrupt the quiet that has been granted to you this month. You’re not looking forward to that.

  • A lot of players, including myself, don’t like to be told how we’re feeling when reacting to something. I would suggest adding a few choices to let us determine how we really feel about having the quiet being disrupted. After all, some people really like chaos.

  • Perhaps you could indicate the time and/or place of events at the top in bold or in the page breaks? It was a little jarring to go from being in the Nexus to waking up the next day.

  • In the chapter after being asked to write about what you know, my host is referred to as she/her even though I chose the male one (first option). Unless it was referring to myself, because I chose she/her options? Either way, this was pretty confusing.

But of course, it’s only a small part of you that thinks that way; the rest of you can only sigh in relief that it’s all over.

but your opinion on the matter doesn’t really matter, does it?

  • Then why even ask me about my opinion on it? I advise you to refrain from having narration that doubts the player’s choices. Even though the player’s opinion doesn’t really matter in the plot (which is kind of a red flag to me), I wouldn’t recommend stating it so blatantly.

“It’s a jolt that wakes you” “Must you blind me each time?”

  • I think some variations in the dialogue and text would be helpful for readers to discern between their first, second, third, etc. etc. time going through the Awakening.

Overall, you have an interesting premise. It hooked me in, even though I don’t read much science fiction. Your descriptive writing is also really vivid, which helped me to immerse myself in the story.

Feel free to disagree or explain your side of things on the feedback I gave. I look forward to reading more of this in the future :slight_smile:

2 Likes

You have no idea how useful this feedback is >.<

Well, you enter and exit the Nexus all in the same afternoon, and the Awakening refers to your Mc waking up inside the Host’s mind. So, there is no ‘next day’.

I don’t think I can do as you suggest, because each time is your Mc’s brain that processes things like “where am I? Oh, I’m back in the Nexus now”. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself clearly.

This is a little complicated to explain. I knew it’d be confusing, and I was unsure whether the last scene was enough to explain things :thinking:

On the route you chose, your Mc ends up diving too deep in the mind of the host, this brings you to believe that you are the host. Until you wake up inside the Nexus (the scene when Morgan helps you out of it) and realise you where in there all along. This happens because of who the host really is, and cannot be predicted, because you don’t know anything about him.

I think you’re talking about the last line, right?

Something wasn’t quite right with you connection and you want to find out what. But for now you can only write down what you know and want Morgan to know. Maybe, you’ve just let your mind wonder off, as she had put it?

If this is what you mean, than the she on the last sentence refers to Morgan.

Sorry, I think I was just trying to say that you can’t do much about it. It’s like watching being on a plane, whether you like it or not, you’ve there because you need to be somewhere and you have to wait until the journey is over.

I’ll fix things and better explain what is happening. I keep forgetting people don’t know what I’m talking about if I don’t explain myself…

Thank you for your feedback, it was really helpful :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

4 Likes

I just realised that you’re talking about the third host. I don’t understand how you were able to even choose them, their option is supposed to be unclickable

1 Like

Regarding the indication of time/day and being told how we’re feeling when reacting to something, I think I’m partly at fault. Upon re-playing, it’s clearer to me now that I was entering the Nexus, and entering the minds of my hosts.


I was referring to the scene that starts with this paragraph:

The sun burns against your skin as you run, air heavy in your lungs and muscles aching with exertion. The streets are deserted, and you cannot decide whether this fills you with dread or relief. Your host runs, mind working steadily on its hunt for safe escape routes. She works her way through the ruins of destroyed vehicles and buildings, your mind swirling with decisions and possibilities. Jump over or slither under. Swerve right or dodge left. If she doesn’t find cover soon, she won’t make it , your mind helpfully supplies.

I was confused in my first playthrough because I had chosen the first host, which should’ve been a male.


I hope you don’t mind me looking at your code, but I think I may have figured out why I was able to enter the minds of more than one host, including Chris.

At the end of the scenes for the first and second host, you use *finish. This will bring the reader to the next scene as listed in the scene list in the startup.txt file. You’d have to use *ending instead in order to end the game after Morgan saves you from the Nexus.

So, I’m guessing that’s how I was able to access the third host’s scene :joy: After all, his scene is the last, so the game was only able to end after his scene had been visited.

Some code suggestions, if that's alright with you.

Why not make a single variable for determining the host, like assigning them a number? It would make your code much more efficient.

So instead of having:

*create host1 false
*create host2 false
*create host3 false

You can just have:

*create host 1

Of course, you can change it to any other number if you’d like. But let’s say you leave host = 1, then when it comes to choosing a host, the code could be simplified like this:

*comment Because host is already = 1, we will leave the first option alone.
*fake_choice
	#Host 1 > he is clearly a survivor of the Outside. there is nothing so particular about him, but there is also something that had you pick him over any other of the remaining Hosts of the room. What exactly, you cannot say.

	#Host 2 > someone had done something to her; though what, you are not sure.
		*set host 2

	*comment not ready
	*selectable_if (host3ready = true) #Host 3 > the oddest of the three, with no scar, and no right built to safely survive the harsh world Earth had turn into.
		*set host 3

Finally, at the end of the first scene, you can simply put this after the page break:

*if host = 1
	*goto_scene h1-00

*elseif host = 2
	*goto_scene h2-00

*else
	*goto_scene h3-00
1 Like

Oh, this makes things so much easier lmao

I think the code I used also messed up the host choosing, because the first host is a male but the game just sent you to the second.

You saved me from so many headaches :joy:

1 Like

I really liked the demo. It’s an interesting concept. Being able to connect to another being, their memories, with a mission and at the same time you have to not be drown by the host.

I would like to read more informations about the MC team. The meeting was really fast, it’s hard to choose the type of relationships.

About Morgan, it seems unwise to show distaste to their behaviour. We still want her as ally. We should try to lie a little or just throw caution to the wind ah, ah.

I only tried host 1 and host 3 (the no scars at all was really mysterious and attracting to me) and I actually enjoyed more host 3. But I think we’ll learn more about the hosts and then it would be easier to choose.

Will we always choose the same host or for the story it will be asked to “try” them all ? Like having a glimpse of everyone to discover what happened before/while/maybeevenafter the apocalypse ?

I liked the demo so I hope to read more about the story. There is so many things we don’t know. The type of apocalypse, how the technology of Nexus was discoverd, our team, our own name and apparence, even our own “side”, are there sides ?

1 Like

Wow, that’s a lot to take in XD I’m really glad you’re liking this so far!

I was a little worried about host 3, if I had to be honest. Since their story is quite different from the other two.

As for all that you’ve asked, everything will be explained later in the story. I can only tell you that I’m currently working on a better introduction for the team, I know I really only introduced the captain out of them all.

2 Likes

The host 3 's story was a nice change of path and mc’s reactions were really funny :joy:

I can’t figure if the RO’s are your team, the hosts or the people you meet thanks to the Nexus and your host. Don’t worry I won’t ask. I like not knowing and finding out in the story when it will happen ~.

1 Like

UPDATE! We are now at 16k word in total.

What’s new?

  • You will talk to two of your team mates and have a small peek at your past.
  • edit: oh and you can skip directly to the update. No need to redo everything from the start.

What’s taking you so long?

  • the fact that I’m changing my plans again. The importance of the names (especially of the Mc’s team mates) is growing the more I write and now I’m battling with whether to keep them or change them. Evan is now Ethan and Delia may or may not have her name changed completely. We’ll see.

I just hope you won’t get confused with these changes. Thanks for the patience :slight_smile:

7 Likes

UPDATE! We are now at 20k! i’m suoper slow, yes, I know lol At least we have the stats now :slight_smile: and I’m changing my focus to this game into a weekly priority (if my brain allows it)

What’s new?

  • the stats obviously.
  • another peek into the past.
  • and now, if you want, you can see the change of setting. I find it distracting, but i do admit it’s quite (very) useful, especially in this game, where you are not always in your own head :thinking:
14 Likes

Quick question.

I’ve been planning to fix my last update, either way, because the choice I give you seems too forced. But, does it feel like info dumping to you?