Minor fall, MAJOR LIFT - a WIP of an Interactive Fiction Piece in inkle's ink language!

#1

minor fall, MAJOR LIFT is an interactive fiction piece, choice-based, written in inkle’s ink mark-up narrative language, which is a close cousin of ChoiceScript. I’ve been faffing about with this WIP for weeks now and I’m mostly just showing it off now in the hopes of regaining motivation to finish it.

The story tracks the budding relationship between Lev Morgenshtern, a horror writer and schizophrenic and the alluring, mysterious Anzu Menelik, who claims to be a pathologist. As their acquaintance deepens and their feelings for each other grow, unexpected complications of the supernatural kind arise.

As a warning, it does contain adult content. Minors shouldn’t be reading it.

I’m looking forward to all and any feedback that people feel like giving! There’s no obligation, of course, but I would be immensely grateful. Thank you in advance!

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The Bitter Drop - UPDATED 02-NOV-2016! [WIP][ink] (NSFW)
Would anyone be interested in playing a disabled character?
#2

It would be helpful to include a link? Or is it something that has to be downloaded and you want people to message you?

#3

Oh my GOD, I totally forgot to include a link. Just a second!

#4

There is now a proper, functioning link in the OP. My apologies. This is what I get for posting at 5 AM.

#5

So I feel like a complete ninny now and I think I bungled posting in the thread for the second time, but the actual link to the game is up now! Sorry about all of that, whoops.

#6

could you elaborate more about the story in the first post?. someone might be willing to test it if there is an explanation about the story :grin:

#7

Great idea! I included a short blurb. :slight_smile: Hopefully it’s sufficient to draw some interest. I really am very bad at summaries.

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#8

Oh and for the record! I adore feedback, detailed feedback, even if it’s lukewarm or negative. It’s the only way my writing can grow, no? So don’t be shy <3

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#9

I found the narrative voice compelling, and you did such a good job of capturing awkwardness and anxiety.

The story seemed to stop at “He laughs and kisses the tip of your nose, a silly, affectionate little gesture that makes your heart leap like a salmon in spring.” is that as far as it goes?

#10

Only read a few pages in, before I stopped. I will not be forced into a homosexual romance. ever.

On a side note, you bombard the reader with too many unknown concepts (especially for the first page).

#11

The protagonist isn’t you, they’re very clearly a voice of their own. No one is forcing you into anything. It’s a story about someone else.

A simple “I’m not interested in homosexual romances” would have sufficed, rather than the way you did phrase things, which I found extremely hurtful and offensive. I hope that wasn’t your intentions.

I find that reading stories outside of my own experiences can be insightful. They can help me understand lives different from my own.

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#12

Yes, the action currently stops in the bedroom, before any sex happens.! There’ll be an update shortly. I can’t make concrete promises but it should be in a day or two.

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#13

I never used any of the explore look around type options. Hmm wonder if I should go back and do so, if it’ll make things different, or if it’s just a description of things.

Your writing is wonderfully evocative. It’s the sort that draws you in, and I most certainly didn’t mind that there were words I didn’t understand. It just seemed to add to the immersion, being immersed by all this rich text that didn’t quite make sense in places.

I’ll admit that “protagonist with schizophrenia” usually would be something to make me roll my eyes at the very least and expect it to be handled badly, especially coupled with supernatural elements. But it didn’t come across as a gimmick to me. I could empathise with the anxiety, the sheer awkwardness, knowing you’re strange, recognising some thoughts as possibly intrusive, and the just not quite fitting in.

It’s a very unique narrative voice, most certainly belonging to Lev, and not to me, and I liked that. Liked learning more about Lev.

Why’re we referring to Anzu Menelik when we were asked to call him Anya? That felt a bit jarring to me. As if we immediately discarded their request. I suppose it’s not the same as dead-naming since Anzu used both names, but still it felt off to me, as if I wasn’t respecting their identity.

The world itself was intriguing, especially just catching glimpses of it, I am looking forward to finding out more of what’s going on.

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#14

I simply do not see a reason to include choices in a story, if the main character doesn’t resemble (or is not relatable) to me in any way. if someone cannot relate to a character, then most likely they would not be invested in whatever choices were available. An already defined main character would work better in a novel.

I merely stated fact, about what I would never do. It was never intended to offend anyone, especially since there would be no reason to do so.

#15

The very first line of the game is Be Lev Morgenshtern. That to me frames it as we’re not ourself, we’re someone else, this person who we don’t get to define, who already has a name, feelings and thoughts and a personality of their own.

This is interactive fiction. There’s many forms of interactive fiction, and this is one. It doesn’t make the choices we do make any the less valid.

It does come across as less of a game than the standard that choice of games puts out. I like that. I’m always far more interested in story over game. I like hearing unique voices and stories where you can be pulled in and not worry about the mechanics.

I think it’s possible to relate to characters on different levels, or sometimes just to enjoy them for how different they are. I think ‘schizophrenic’ is a description that already most people reading this aren’t actually going to be able to identify with. But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t read it.

You weren’t being forced, you read something that didn’t interest you, and stopped reading.

We certainly do not believe that there should be content warnings on any GBLTQ games, as if heterosexual people need to be protected from exposure to such ideas.

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#16

…As I have no time to argue, and it would be a waste of time regardless, I’ll keep this short.

1: “Be Lev Morgenshtern” can be interpreted in many different ways.

2: I never said they were not valid choices, only far less impactful.

3: Good for you.

4: I never argued about that.

5: Heh, now that is uncalled for, and has nothing to do with what I said.
There is no reason to continue this argument… So I will not.

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#17

Also, just as quick noteL I’m schizophrenic myself, roughly to the extent Lev is.

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#18

Thank you for the positive response so far, incidentally! Really makes a body want to finish the dratted thing.

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#19

I have tried several times but unable to see anything but a blank colored page.

#20

What browser are you using? Do you have JavaScript enabled? It works for me in the latest Chrome on a MacBook Pro.

If you keep having problems, I can try uploading a different version.