May 2023's Writer's Support Thread

Game Development Writing and Content
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So, hello fellow creative chaotic people.

First time posting here in this thread.

I have big goals for may.

I am trying to get rid of my depression habits that solidified with COVID lockdowns. Which means getting a routine and basically getting the life back together.
I have a whole semester where I can spend time doing that thanks to my longtime partner.

So anyway my writing goals for May are
Writing the extra articles for my true crime podcast and posting them on my substack ( I am having a little anxiety right now which I hope I get in check by the end of the week and thus finally write and post my finished 6 articles :pensive::joy: and getting to record my two finished episodes)

I wanna start my English podcast this month with translating my next episode.

Writing every day again (using the allocated daily time slots productively). The goal for my WIP is a added minimum of 10k words. But preferably I would like to write more. But I hope to get some shorts out on my tumblr to let people get to know my characters a little (also myself the characters I added for readers).

Let’s see how much I really can do :muscle:. I will update you at the end of the month I think :thinking:.

Good luck everyone :sparkler::tada:

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Normally I read this post during the first week of the month, but I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with different things, I’m just now getting to it. I love seeing all of the awesome goals from everyone!

I’m excited because my summer break is almost here - 12 weeks of focusing almost exclusively on my various projects. I should get Final Monologue submitted, I should be able to return to CCH3, and hopefully Book 1 of my co-written novel series will launch this summer, too.

But this little pup will complicate things a bit. Meet Olive the pug.

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So pleased to hear about your summer break beginning soon - that’ll be a lovely change and I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes! And ALSO, what an ADORABLE love of a puppy!!! :heart_eyes::sob::star_struck:

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OH EM SQUEE! PUGLET! PUGLET! PUGLET!

I mean, congratulations on your new bundle of squishy love, and please kiss her ears for me and tell her she’s a nubby nubby noodle nugget and the very best girl, oh yes she is. And did you notice she has a little pink tongue, and -

Sorry, what I meant to say was she’s adorable. And I want to eat her face. Not literally, so if you ever need a pugsitter I will hop on a plane and -

Ugh, let’s try this again. Your pug is very cute and if you fail to post pictures of her here on a regular basis I will be very very angry, and you won’t like me when I’m angry. Because I’m pugnacious. And punnacious, too.

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Hey hey! What’s up, all you awesome writers out there?!

I’m here to declare that it’s high time I start setting some serious goals for my story. Gotta kick this brain into gear!!!

So, here’s the plan: My goal for this month is to release the demo before the end of the month comes knocking on my head. Fingers crossed and all that jazz.

ᔐᔃʞᔇᔉ ᔃ ˥ⁱᔗᔗ˥ᔉ ËąËĄá”ƒá¶œá”â±âżá”ïč–ïč–:pleading_face::pleading_face:

Best of luck in reaching your goals! You got this!

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So it’s technically the 15th now (by half an hour or so), which normally means snippets.

This month I’ve not actually got a snippet ready, because I just posted my WIP thread (which I’m going to subtly plug here). I’m counting that as a snippet and taking the win.

I’m not normally big into posting my work in public spaces, so the WIP thread was a bit of a psychological barrier for me, and I decided the only way I was going to be able to tackle it was by charging head on and posting it now.
There’s a “completed” chapter there, and it feels a lot easier to get feedback on something small than it would to get feedback on say
 100k words. I’ve already received some useful comments (and released a patch), and I’ve gained a new goal for the rest of the month.

By the end of May I’m aiming to have rewritten the dialogue so that it actually follows the basic rules of grammar, and fixed any other issues that get flagged up. A secondary goal is to get a few thousand words of the second chapter done so I can get a decent flow of new content coming out.

Honestly, posting the thread has flipped a switch in my brain. The stress over what people are going to think is almost completely gone (thanks to the lovely people who have already provided feedback), and I’ve picked up a new burst of energy from somewhere.

P.S That’s a lovely lil pup @Eric_Moser. Look at that tongue!

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It is the 15th! Let’s get these previews started. :slight_smile:

Dawn of Heroes: Chapter 11

I looked through the drawers that we had stopped Lugh from further investigating when we first showed up. There was nothing that stood out beyond the hidden toy. I turned back to find Breaker going through the mail that had been resting on a side table.

“I could not find anything of significance upstairs nor in this ledger.” Lugh says as he steps into the room. The words make Breaker drop the remaining mail and approach the god. “What is it, lassy?”

“May I see that ledger?” She asks, holding out her hand before getting an answer. Lugh complies and she starts looking the book over. “This could prove useful.”

“Now what do you say?” Huginn says in our ears and I can’t help but snicker.

By the motion of her head I could tell the autumn haired vigilante rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Lugh.”

Lugh gave a big grin before noticing the flashing lights out front transforming the smile into a frowned; it was time to go. Aegis was likely already so the rest of us made our way out of the back.

Before leaving the room something stopped me. Noticing the sudden stop, Breaker turns and follows my gaze.

“What is it?” She asks and approaches my side after I walk back to the mail left sprawled on the side table.

I pick up and open a black envelope and pulled out what I feared. The only people that should have these initial invites are people that knew (Him/Her) personally like us.

“An invitation?” Breaker questions.

“Yes, to Rowen’s party that (He/She) is throwing soon.” I say and gears start moving in my head.

Breaker grunts but her partner speaks up for her. “What do you think that means?”

“You mean beyond them knowing each other?” I ask with a soft tone only half paying attention to the world around me. “I’m not sure yet.”

Best of luck to everyone! I look forward to everyone’s writing.

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Jiayou, everyone! I’ve semi-finished the prologue and moved to chapter 1. It’ll be a
 slow climb, given the fact I’m slightly busy with university, but I did something, yay! Jiayou! I can do it!

The main nit is the fact writing in English isn’t really the same as writing in Russian. All the things I write in English feel much drier.

I will eventually finish at least three chapters!

Another yelp. It’s hard to guess who fights whom.

And another.

It should pass, eventually.

*fake_choice
#If it won’t, at least the flat can’t get much worse.
*set sense +5
It’s old, cramped, dingy. It’s cheap and costs you only a third of your pay. It smelled utterly foul once you’ve moved in and the landlady, the one with a devil brand on her shoulder, the one who used to speak so fast her speech could barely be recognized, was an incredibly polite and cooperative woman.

Several months ago it smelled of acetone and cleaning solutions, but now the only thing you can sense is dust. No matter how much one tries to force it out, it always returns. Floor is creaking. You’ve found a note about acetone and rubbing alcohol glued tightly to an old soviet fridge that often is noisier than the TV behind paper-thin walls.

At the very least, mage can’t ruin this flat much more than it already is. Maybe explaining the situation will make the landlady shed a single tear and chip in on the repair costs.

Maybe. But eventually it must pass and you will have to deal with the aftermath. It always was like that and it always will.
#When it passes - and it will - hopefully there won’t be too much bloodshed.
*set sense -5
When the regulars share stories in the bar, and you listen, your marked eye keen for any details, they keep saying they’ve went through horrifying things. Full-body branding, getting stranded in the desert seven weeks away from the city walls with supplies only enough for two, catching the attention of an especially capricious devil (she-devil, they laughed) and being forced into a contract the contents of which they preferred not to mention, it all was now simply a story for them, something to be shared together with a cup of spirits.

Everything passes. Your own flat stayed dingy, cramped and small, but at least now it doesn’t smell so foul that it felt there was something rotting. It’s old and dusty, but such things can be fixed, even if they eventually return in full force. Even if eventually you have to inform your landlady, an utterly polite fast-talking woman with a devil brand on her left shoulder, that there is another issue, she will help out, as she always does.

You can only hope this mess will end up another story as quickly as possible. That it’ll pass without too much bloodshed.

A thud. Bestial roar follows soon and another scream is shut with noises of something wet and raw.

It wasn’t like this only a week ago. It was noisy because of people, familiar. Countless faces, brands and voices kept endlessly chattering under the roof of the bar you’re happening to work in, one of several gates, which could clearly be seen even from its windows, was kept shut under watchful eyes of devils. Was certainly far less messy, far less bloody. It ended up like this somehow - but how?

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Happy 15th of the month, everyone.

I’ve been focused on my rewriting for the past two weeks and have been working at a good pace, yet I still have a lot to do to meet my month’s goals.

@Blunderbutts – Congrats on getting the WiP up, that is a huge milestone!

@WRMK , @Kwartel @Isi_Talks , and @Raven-w – It is wonderful having you post here for the first time. Welcome to the Writer’s Support thread
 I appreciate you stepping up and posting. :revolving_hearts:

@Dvalor53 and @vera – Thank you for getting this month’s excerpt sharing under way! :slight_smile:

This month, I will share an excerpt from my ÉmigrĂ© project:

Emigre excerpt 05-15-23

Striding down the alley with the wisp of a man next to you, you reconsider your impulsive choice that you just made. “Tell me, again, what exactly I traded you my Colt Patterson pistol for again?”

“I am your agent, opening the way for you to get to California.” Interrupting himself with a wheezing cough that sprays blood-tinged phlegm your way, your agent, who you also know as Dan Halloran, continues. “In exchange for this fine hand-gun, I will take you to interview with up to three different families, one of which you will join for the trip to California.”

“And why can’t I just go to them myself, again?”

“You are taking my place on the last wagon train out of Springfield this year. There is no way I will make it with the consumption hitting me so hard right now and there is no way a Johnny Come-Late would ever get the opening spot the normal way.” Spraying blood-tinged spittle across the alley-way, once more, Dan attempts to stifle the convulsions wracking his wasted frame. “You have no choice, really. It is trust me or wait another year until the spring rolls around once more.”

Putting your hand on his shoulder, you bring Dan to a halt, allowing him time to recover his composure. “Why is it you insisted on my Colt, instead of gold coin? That makes no sense to me.”

“Look, ${pcnoun_insult}
” Looking you up and down again for the hundredth time, Dan shakes his head. “Be glad you have your health. I have all the gold and comforts I need. You saw my office and all.”

“I know, but
”

“But nothing!” Suppressing another coughing bout Dan screws his eyes at you, anger coloring his cheeks. “The doc, uptight cuss that he is, says I have a couple of weeks left. This is just too much for me, do you hear?” Pounding his chest and then pointing to you, Dan, lowering his voice says: “A man should be able to die in dignity if he wants. Of course the old doctor refuses to give me some of his cocaine cutters or opium poppers
 says the medicine he has should go to people that it will do good for.”

“Why not buy your own pistol then. Or shotgun, if you prefer?” Blinking in confusion, you just don’t see the problem. “Even a new pistol from Connecticut wouldn’t cost you twenty-five gold dollars.”

“Well, I wanted to do some good with my life before leaving it behind. Figured a ungrateful ${origins} like you could use a break every now and then.”

“Still
”

“You want to drag the truth out of me, do you?” Sighing in resignation, with his anger and bitterness draining away, Dan finally reveals his motives to you. “That damn doctor forbid his son-in-law, the only gun dealer with stock, to sell me any firearm. The sonuvabitch is concerned about my soul, he is.” Walking ahead of you, Dan turns and says: “Well, are you coming, or not? I’m not giving you back the pistol. It is mine. Of course, if you miss the last wagon train 
”

*page_break “That’s not happening.”

Peering out into the staging area from the mouth of the ally, you turn to Dan and make a comment. “It truly looks deserted, Dan. Where are all the others that normally fill the staging area?”

Turning to face the old-timer, you catch him shaking his head at your ignorance. “$!{pcnoun_insult} 
 you really are from the swamps, aren’t you? The springtime is nearly over as it is now April, these damn-fools leaving today really shouldn’t be doing so. As it is, there is a chance they get caught in winter storms trying to get over the Sierra Nevada mountains near the end of the journey.” Coughing up phlegm, Dan wipes his hand on the seat of his britches.

“Then why go at all? Why not wait until next year, when you are sure to make it before any winter storm approaches?” Puckering your lips, you cut your questions off, as Dan motions for you to quiet down. “Well?” Sidestepping another bout of flying spittle, you sigh at the answer he gives you.

“Everyone has their reasons. You’ll have to ask them, yourself, if you want to make it your business why they are insisting on leaving so late, just as you are.” Holding his hand out at you, palm forward, Dan forestalls any further questions by asking you which family you want to approach first. “Which family do you want to approach first?”

I’d like to shout out @Cecilia_Rosewood , because she has been working very hard with @Nocturnal_Stillness , to help get UnNatural Season Two ready for release.

As a backend person helping an author getting their story/game ready for publication, often these essential people do not get the recognition and the praise that they deserve. Ask any published author and they will tell you that there are people who are essential to their success.

If you are lucky enough to have such a person in your corner, take the time to tell them you appreciate them. :revolving_hearts:

Last shoutout for the day goes to: @Eric_Moser – not only for the puglicious pictures, but for sharing with us his struggles to transition to full-time writing.

Many of us can feel overwhelmed at times because as @HarrisPS said earlier, what we are doing is hard.

Thank you, Eric for showing everyone that even multi-published writers can feel overwhelmed and that none of us are alone in our struggles.

Time to go back to my writing, ttyl everyone.

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I’m curious about how English natives perceive their language - what would count as dry and / or beige in the eyes of the native speaker? How do they perceive English in general and what defines the norms of literary work in native English speaker’s eyes? It’s always been a confusing area for me as an ESL - I feel I somehow perceive this stuff wrong and can’t get a grasp on it, no matter how much I try.

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I’ve been told by a few of my ESL (or third or even fourth language) friends that English is very direct and non-descriptive.

In fact, that is a common feedback issue I receive from my readers who are non-native – that (to them) my writing sometimes is not descriptive enough.

Ironically, my feedback to them on their writing is often: “too much purple prose”, which of course is hard for them to wrap their head around, at times.

On a practical writing level, often what I see ESL writers do, is to use more than one descriptor in close proximity while writing their prose.

A sentence that is “artful” and “rich with description” in their native language and which seems normal and accepted in their native writing communities, often seems to native English readers as overwhelming, awkward and “too much”.

My feedback to those ESL writers targeting the English language readers is to review and cut the descriptors you use to what you normally feel is “too direct” or “bland”.

If you have the ability, ask a trusted reader to identify such places in your writing where you can cut back.

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I think it varies a lot and isn’t always easy to quantify. “Sparse” language can be evocative and beautifully written (eg Hemingway) and so can more descriptive prose (eg Max Gladstone) - random authors I know, just looking at my bookshelf!

I think for me, I find that non-varied sentence lengths or very samey sentence “rhythms” can make a text feel “dry”.

“The dog was walking on the sand. The man was swimming in the water. The seagull was calling in the sky.”

-this example (made up just now, not based on anything I’ve read) feels repetitive and although repetition can be a perfectly useful tool, and maybe that set of sentences would work in the right context, it would be tiring to read a whole page written like that regardless of whether it uses more descriptive language.

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As not native English I can confirm what Eiwynn says (I tried first hand). It’s not only romance languages, may I add: When I studied at university I had to read many German authors who can give you an headache with sentences long an entire page and the main verb at the end

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Very much so. The time and effort she put in was very appreciated and I always thanked her. :slight_smile:

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Aw, thanks. Polishing up someone else’s stuff is a lot easier than writing my own stuff, that’s for sure :wink: (And I got an awesome :dragon: cameo out of it.)

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This is actually an amazing setup that you might actively want. Sometimes, you DO want stuff to feel boring and bland and samey and same old, same old, just so it impacts more where you break it.

Look at this:

And then, surging from the waves, Godzilla attacked.

Now that I’ve been sort-of-but-mostly-not learning Korean, it’s interesting to see how it handles sentences. The verb is at the very end of the sentence* and that’s immensely annoying to me. It’s at the longest possible distance from the subject and whyyyyyyyyyy? :sob:

*it’s literally the last word, followed by the particle that determines if the sentence is a question or a statement

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Oh definitely, in context these things can be great! But it would be exhausting to read a page or more like that :sweat_smile:

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This interests me, especially as I’m a 39-year-old Englishman who has spent over twenty years writing in UK English, writing UnNatural which is set in America, so I decided to write in US English. That is a challenge in itself, to not use words that work in UK but not as much in US.

It’s probably why I get some comments saying my writing is at a 5th Grade level lol

My next project will be written in good old UK English which I’m looking forward to.

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We were taught British English in school. I think our schools generally prefer it to American, and mine was trying very hard to make us develop Queen’s English, to teach us that specific accent. I can’t say if I speak it or not, but I
 can speak, I suppose. If it isn’t too much of a bother, how would you describe my language and my writing language? Does it feel clunkier than usual?

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Yes. Even simple sayings popular in one Anglo-centric nation can have completely unexpected implications and repercussions in another.

Overall, I feel you are doing well and avoid writing too many descriptors together.

This sentence is an example where if you followed the same structure over and over for an entire passage, readers may feel it is too much. However, you sparingly do this, so I feel you are fine with this concern.

A sentence I would urge you to break-down and rewrite would be:

This sentence is over 40 words long, so you might want to consider splitting it into 2 or 3 to make it easier for readers to understand.

Nope, I feel your style is more “formal” than many native writers, but that is a comon theme among ESL writers overall.

Keep up the good work.

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