I’d have to grab screenshots of all the ones I’ve seen, but there’s a few places where the opposite variable is chosen, rather than refuted in the stat check scenes. Not sure how they’re built, but that’s basically what is happening.
Okay, with this edit, I have a series of screenshots for you to find the errors more easily.
Screenshots of the stat check errors
This first screenshot is so you have an idea of my testing MC’s stats build. This will remain consistent throughout the testing I did to collect these screenshots. This was a snapshot from the first stat check error.
Referring back to the status screenshot, you can see that my MC is actually more aligned with being Harsh. This is how all the following screenshots operate.
And that’s all the one’s I’ve found throughout the whole demo. So you see not all that many, but enough that you may want to check how you’re building these types of scenes to make sure it isn’t pulling the wrong variable.
These are some other errors I found you may want a look at.
So Alex and my MC both met Micheal in the cafeteria scene, but the following scene acts like that is the first encounter with him. It remembers that you ate with him in the future is you choose not to eat with Marcus, but in the training room with the bullies, it acts like that is the first time, going as far as explaining what Micheal looks like again.
So this one is a long time error that’s never been resolved. The hair length variable may not be in this scene at all, because it is set as “short” no matter which hair length the MC actually has. For the test build, mine has waist length, which could just be called “long” for the purposes of this scene.
You did have the correct word earlier on this same scene page, but the both uses of “retract” rather than “extend” here is backwards from what you mean to say.
One too many words. The use of ‘not’ here makes it mean the MC isn’t a vampire, when they are one. Remove ‘not’ to correct this one’s minor inverse of meaning.
I love the story so far, but have noticed the comments about personality mismatches like lynx above, also small background for my MC in my head, best friend Alice, ends up loving them, feels responsible for losing them, Blaine basically gets shoved down their throat, so my MC is trying to constantly push them away, considers Kate, Sagittarius and Micheal as friends.
Would love to know more about the necklace, confused when the red eye man is talking to the doctor in the cafe, when he says my MC is questioning it more, only time it’s really bought up is in the fight with the experimental, my MC isn’t questioning it more but has noticed feeling weaker after using it, could be an interesting scene if at one point the MC does actually consider removing it. (I assume that’s who is using the MC’s body during this scene, also assume it’s Adrian?)
The none spoiler stuff was my head canon for my MC, not to force a direction for the story hope I didn’t overstep, besides the bug with personality tags.
“English isn’t my native language-” If AO3 has taught me anything, it’s that this doesn’t matter. It’s still gonna be amazing.
Squinting and struggling to focus through your swimming vision, you could make out the form of a… talking monkey? Named Fabien. I will accept nothing else.
I don’t know why this was so funny to me: The concussion must have been severe enough for you to forget your name and your gender! It just read to me in the same tone as “Eh, just another Monday.”
"…you should never, and I mean never go to the other side of the school. Boy, I sure hope the plot doesn’t make me go to the other side of the school. That would suck!
I'll tag any errors and such I find here!
Some minor edits are needed to fix capitalization and stuff, but nothing that broke anything or ruined the overall enjoyment.
Random little suggestion! I think this sentence: Vigil’s expressionless look faded into something of distaste. "Yes, young Hayes. The ones that I have no choice but to cater for. could go like: "Vigil’s expressionless look faded into something of distaste. “Yes, young Hayes. The ones that I have no choice but to cater for.” Only because he’s rebuking her, so I feel like it would hit home a little harder.
Also, stan Alice. Love that she was offended at being a Paragon. “Bout to ruin this man’s whole career” vibe.
The last few days of the . The moment you woke up, you walked over to her and shook her awake and looked out the window once she groggily woke up. Missing word(s)?
I’ve been lurking for a while lately, but wanted to let you know the game just updated (I was playing up to near the end of ch 2 when my save stopped working) and content was removed from the Werewolf fight, at least that I’ve seen so far. Not sure if that was intentional or not, so figured I’d report it here. I’m going back to it. o7
Just saw this:
About 4K words were deleted in chapter 2 which I’ll have to rewrite. I think an additional 1K might be needed to be deleted. (I’m rewriting the first fight with the werewolf)
Now ya got me excited. Jeez.
–
Finally just finished what’s public. The moment Ch5 is released, you can plan to see me on patreon. Still one of my absolute favorite WIPs. Great work so far!
Okay, all of them should be fixed, massive MASSIVE thanks to @AdmiralLynx89 and @PrismaticSpace for all the errors (I love you guys so much )
[spoiler]I’m gonna be putting quite a few things on the Necklace since the first chapter and third chapter is long over due, thank you so SO much for pointing that out.
I’ll give the choice of the MC removing it later in the future which will have some really nasty side effects since… well chapter 5 will reveal why XD
Also bruh, how’d you assume it’s Adrian That is really farfetched XD Good guess tho!
[/spoiler]
Yep! You didn’t overstep at all, everything you pointed out was something I needed someone to point out so thank you so much!! <3
For the MC, it is another Monday Good thing Vampires recover from brain damage lol
Hahaha, thanks!! I really appreciate it ^-^ I’ve fixed all of them and you’ll see all the changes in abooouuuttt 2-3 days (Just need to finish the fight scene between the werewolves >.<)
That was intentional, (And I’m an idiot for forgetting that I’m not supposed to update that specific chapter, I’m sorry
Hahaha, you don’t have to support me, just the words alone are enough ^-^ Thank you so much!!
I’m so very sorry for no update this week, I’ll update tomorrow (Life got hectic >.<)
No worries, I had just read that part and got to keep the stats I was going for anyway. Literally no harm done. Just do your thing!
Nah, I like to throw money to the WIPs that keep me interested every now and then. Like a thanks for doing what ya do while we wait for release. It’s been a while, but I’ve already subbed before. Call me a fan.
Oops, sorry! Fixed XD (I don’t think there wasn’t anything much spoiler other then just saying that there would be something in chapter 5.
Update Time.
I’m so very sorry for not updating this week, I didn’t have time but I do now!
Ehem, let’s get into it!
I was able to write about 5.2K words
About 2K more words were deleted. A few rewrites here and there.
A little planning for Chapter 5 was also done.
The fight scene of chapter 2 is almost finished. Will be updating it in a few days (probably in 1-2 days cause it does effect the rest of the story, not too much, but enough.)
That’s pretty much it, again, I’m really sorry >.<
Now that is has a proper structure the author should look at the stats. Unless the author plan to focus solely on romance if not then stats need revision. I often replayed and it’s very hard to keep track of the stats. Not to mention some of the stats are conflicting with the romance flag. Like I want a complete intimidation, but I would have to shout at my friends to do it and miss their romance flag. I keep growing specific stats only to keep encountering choices where I have to sacrifice my stats or stagnate my romance meter.
When using spoiler blur, the syntax of the platform here on the forum does not like character-less spaces.
An example
.
Of it working.
[spoiler]An example
Of it not working.[/spoiler]
As long as you have at least a letter, or symbol, in the space between your formatting, it should populate the blurred text correctly. I admit; this is one of the more archaic bits of formatting nonsense Discuss imposes, but I’m not someone who has the technical knowledge to fix it, either.
Are you dominant (confident and not easily flustered.)
Or a submissive (Shy and easily flustered.)
*fake_choice
#Submissive.
*set dom 20
#Dominant.
*set dom 70
Instead of “dom”, it should be “dominant”, since that was the name of the variable you were using in all subsequent if statements. Right now MC would always be shy/submissive.
Also, you set ${pc_boy} according to the gender in the beginning, but used ${pc_girl} in the story instead, which made it always said “girl.”
In Fumbling Fragile Feelings, you forgot to ask for MC’s name, so V kept calling them “unknown.”
VALE?? Man, I think this is the first time I’ve seen a Vale romancer in a long time I salute you for romancing em ngl. He’ll be up in a newer chapter (You can either bring them food or Marcus. Both of whom will be very happy)
Hmm, I’m gonna try to focus more on the way it’s written rather then the stats (Well, I’m gonna try and tackle both of them at once honestly but I’ll be more focused on the writing itself since that’s the meat on the bones).
Also, the Stats, once set, won’t stagnate (At least not from what I put in.) They’re there purely for customization and for flavor texts. You can choose to be intimidating and then choose a shy option and then have it go “Well you were intimidating and chose the shy option so it should be because of this specific person which is why you’re shy” something similar.
But if you think I messed up in a specific place, please do point out ^-^ (I at least think that I’ve fixed almost all the stats, still I’ll try and go through them again.)
All of them are fixed!! Thanks for pointing them out
The fight with the werewolf is now up! Sorry for the massive delay, Kinda had to rewrite it and stuff, deleted almost 3K words of content
I saw Vale in the RO list and immediately knew he was gonna be my go-to. Man is Red Flag Incarnate and that’s admittedly a good portion of his appeal for me, I love this damn gremlin. Also peak character design tbh, I salute you back
I’m sorry for the late updates, I’ve been extremely busy as of late >.< But that’s a good thing cause the business is also breaking the dry spell!
This week I’ve written almost 6K words! Admittedly I did delete around 1-2K but it’s the progress that counts! XD
The fight scene in chapter 2 was shortened from being 4-5K to being only around 2K. The MC was made to look more capeable and Blaine was made to be seen as more shy. The pendant was shown to be an incredibly dangerous but wieldy weapon as well.
About 3K more words were added to chapter 5. I’ll be releasing it hopefully next week on Patreon, work on chapter 5.2 and then make chapter 4.2 and 5.1 public on the first of the next month! (Or probably on 25th)
That’s pretty much it! Hope to see you guys next! Thank you to every one who supported me!!!
I’ve decided that I’m gonna be dividing chapter 5.1 into two parts, one I’ll be releasing hopefully on Wednesday, and then the other I’ll be releasing hopefully between 25-30. The reason for dividing is that locking with Vale/Vivian is kinda challenging and I’m just jumping between one choice and another. There are a total of at least 26 choices and depending on it, you get either: Consensually Snu Snu’d by Vale/Vivian while you’re tied up or they cries into your arms and you have wholesome snu snu.
Might have a vote on it in which I actually write Snu snu or just have it fade to black. (Ngl just thinking of a fade to black)
Around 5K words were written. Seems like I still can’t break out of my 5K per week thing even though I spend 4-5+ hours in front of the screen. (I prolly deleted 1-2K words which makes it 6-7K but I don’t count deleted)
That’s pretty much it, sorry for all the delays you guys >.<
The passage of time has not been slowing down despite me trying to grasp it.
But it allows me to be productive!
About 4K words were added to the book.
About 7K words were rewritten.
Three options were finalized.
I put up a poll on Patreon so instead of dividing the chapter into 2 parts, it’ll be just a single massive chapter. Rn it stands at 21K words, but I think it might go all the way to at least 23K, prolly more.
That is really farfetched XD Good guess tho!
