Lost in your eyes (WIP) [Feb 06 2025 Update] [3 Ch, 260K words] [Vampires/Romance/Modern Dark Fantasy]

[Silly_Cat_69]

It is MONDAYYYYY! Which means update time! Now, this week was a blast! I got skyrim yesterday and started to play at 1 am and didn’t even realize it being 10 am in the morning lmao. Got new glasses as well, which looks wonky on me but hey, eye sight is important people. Take care of them! But let’s not blabber about my personal life cause some of you might find that a bit weird lol. Any who! Let’s dive into what we accomplished!!

A massive 7K words were written! (I know I used to write like 1.5K words a day but come on guys, I didn’t write 1K-2K words per day for a month, I’m a bit out of practice This number is expected to increase though!)

6k words added in main story and 1K was added in the short story, there will be a lot of disclaimers because it will contain themes of Sexual assault, Rape, and a lot of blood and gore. This will really be an NSFW story with me not holding back on how dark I can make it, Sorry if ya’ll don’t dig that but I did say this one may have little fluff heh

Previous saves won’t work because I’ve been trying to make the stats as low as I can. Astute has been replaced with “Rational”, two stats (vicious and Detached) were merged, Dominant and Submissive will only give you unique dialogues instead of changing the whole game play drastically (For example, If you’re a dominant and then choose a submissive, You’re going to get a unique dialogue now and then.) This is because I don’t want to make my game feel too much of a chore to play. I rather have it as a novel where you can earn achievements instead of just ending up dying cause you chose wrong things, This doesn’t mean you won’t get punished for choosing a charismatic route when you’re an intimating . (Imagine you got a scar, are 6’2 and above, and just have killer eyes and you walk up to someone and say

I don’t see you wooing any one with that. (On the other hand, If you’re dominant and get all shy next to someone who’s even more dominant cough cough Alex/Alice then it’ll make you more cuter :>

I am thinking of adding certain symbols for things such as for Intimidation (also !! ≠ ) and ↝ for for submissiveness etc. Might make a poll for it, (This idea was taken from @Phenrex. Give their book a read! It’s really great!) Until next time you guys! <3

[Lucky_Icarus]

[LawfulLeah]

kathy my beloved

[Silly_Cat_69]

Leah, My beloved

Ehem! Monday is an update day! Or what ever Obama said. Anyways, this week has been filled with questions about how I’ll proceed with this book and how I’ll present it to you guys, the public. It’s my first time writing a massive novel, so I’m learning a lot from it. However, I’ve realized that the book isn’t quite ready for weekly releases, and instead, I’ll be updating Patreon weekly and releasing a monthly update for the book here!

The reason for this is simple: I’ve read Chapter 1 hundreds of times and it’s still not perfect (at least not in my eyes). I haven’t even touched Chapter 2.5 except to cringe at a few bits and pieces and change it so it looks at least semi-presentable. My original plan was to give you all with a main draft and then fix any grammatical mistakes on the 4th chapter once all characters were introduced. But after seeing your positive reaction to Chapter 1, I felt guilty about making you all suffer through a trash draft. Why shouldn’t you enjoy my work to the fullest extent possible?

So, I’ve decided to take some extra time to perfect the book before releasing it. I’ll keep you all updated on my progress each week, but the final product will be released at the end of each month (with weekly updates for Patreon’s link). So without further ado, Let’s get to this weeks accomplishments!

A total of 7K were written! (I know, same as before, I’m trying to increase the daily words written ) The main book is now at 114,564 words! While the short story is now at 3787!

Since I did say that I was trying to make the book better, about 2K words were mostly me writing more and making the sentence structure better. However It won’t be that case, I’m still trying to set a goal for myself that I have to reach chapter 4 as fast as possible.

A fan of mine made a few fan arts btw!! I never thought I’d be lucky enough to have someone do that lol, and she also made a few emojis which you can find in my server! You guys can follow her on instagram on Snapdragon (@cinnamon_snapdragon) • Instagram photos and videos

That’s all folks! See you on the 1st!

[quartz]

Before I read WIPS, I have the habit of looking through the code first (I know, I’m a creep, sue me!). I’ve found a few issues that might have been hard to detect in an actual playthrough. It’s ok if you don’t want to focus on fixing them right away, but keep them in mind when moving forward as some of them might spiral out of control and become harder to fix as you write your story. I’ll post them now and give you feedback on the actual story once I finish the demo.

Ro Stats

For your three RO’s you have similar structures for describing the MC’s relationship with them

*if RO_Hayes = True
    *set Relationship_Hayes 100
    $!{Hname} sees you as $!{Hhis} mate.
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 75
    $!{Hname} would give their life for you.
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 65
    $!{Hname} looks forward to spending time with you.
    *stat_chart
        text Relationship_Hayes
        percent Relationship_Hayes
    *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes >= 50
    $!{Hname} adores you and sees you as a good friend
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!{Hname}.
    *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 45
      $!{Hname} enjoys you but at a distance
      *stat_chart
          percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
      *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes < 35
    $!{Hname} still cares for you but wishes that you wouldn't be an annoying idiot.
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5

*if RO_Hayes = True
    *set Relationship_Hayes 100
    $!{Hname} sees you as $!{Hhis} mate.
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5

^This means that every time you go to the stat screen, your relationship with that character will always be reset to 100 no matter what interactions you previously had with them. Is that what you want? If you want to set it 100 when they become the MC’s RO, then I suggest you set the relationship to 100 when you set the Relationship_Hayes variable to true, and not in the stat screen.

*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 45
    $!{Hname} enjoys you but at a distance
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5
*elseif Relationship_Hayes < 35
    $!{Hname} still cares for you but wishes that you wouldn't be an annoying idiot.
    *stat_chart
        percent Relationship_Hayes Relationship with $!
    *goto Continue5

^ If the relationship value is between 35 and 45 (including), the player won’t see any text related to their relationship with the character. To cover all the cases, you can change the if to something like this:

*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 45
   ...
*elseif Relationship_Hayes > 35
  // 36 - 45
   ...
*else
  // for relationship 35 and below
  ....

These issues repeat for the other two ROs

They/Them pronoun grammar support

To properly support they/them pronouns, you also have to take into account how verbs change their forms. There are some verbs that end in “s” and others in “es” for “he/she”, but not for “they/them”. Ex: he see(s) / they see ; she blush(es) / they blush. It gets more complicated with is/are and was/were.

You already have a few of these kinds of problems in chapter 1:

that ${pc_she} was → that she was (ok) → that they was (not ok, should be were).
"$!{pc_she} is → She is (ok) → They is (not ok, should be are).

You can search your scenes for the they/them pronoun variables to hunt all of them down. In order to fix this issue, you will have to add variables for the proper verb conjugation and use them where needed (you’ll need a variable for “s”, “es”, “is/are”, “was/were”). There can be more, but that’s what comes to mind right now.

You have a different setup (declaring pronouns for every character vs using an array), but you can use the variables from my story as a checklist. I wouldn’t recommend using my approach now since you are hosting your game on dashingdon as well and it does not support the *create_array command.

*comment pronoun arrays
*create_array he 3 "he" "she" "they"
*create_array him 3 "him" "her" "them"
*create_array his 3 "his" "her" "their"
*create_array hiss 3 "his" "hers" "theirs"
*create_array himself 3 "himself" "herself" "themself"
*comment This is for the 's' on the ends of verbs, as in "they walk"/"she walks".
*create_array s 3 "s" "s" ""
*comment This is for the 'es' on the ends of verbs, as in "they march"/"she marches".
*create_array es 3 "es" "es" ""
*comment These two are for contractions. Note that all versions of them have an apostrophe: "they're"/"she's".
*create_array re 3 "s" "s" "re"
*create_array ve 3 "s" "s" "ve"
*comment This variable can be used in case there are any irregular verbs, as in "they are" / "she is".
*create_array them 3 false false true
*create_array boy 3 "boy" "girl" "child"
*create_array man 3 "man" "woman" "person"
*create_array men 3 "men" "women" "persons"
*create_array title 3 "Mr." "Mrs." "M*"
*create_array pretty 3 "handsome" "pretty" "handsome"

[Silly_Cat_69]

I don’t know why looking at code first makes you a creep lol (Or it might just be me, I dunno) But thanks a lot for the advice! I usually was scared of touching the arrays because it’s really hard to implement(at least for me) and after staring at it for a few minutes, I still don’t exactly know how to use it. Plus as you’ve said, Dashingdon doesn’t support it either so I’m going to have to hunt them down and try and do it all manually which requires a bit more effort.

As for the RO stats, Those are fixed! I checked them out and thankfully they work as intended! For now they won’t always stay on 100 since I don’t want to make the characters to just start simping for the MC once you accept them as a romanceable partner. Instead the stats will go up and down and so will the reactions. It’ll be a bit of a work but hopefully it’ll pay off haha, Thanks again btw Quarts!

P.S You’re an amazing writer annnddd if you’d like to impart some advice for how I could improve my own writing, I’d love to hear it

[Silas1]

To be perfectly honest I had just assumed the RO name disappearing from the list was just an indicator the route was closed off for the time since I first noticed it when I decided to say I was just friends with Hayes. Which did get jossed after sufficient testing of Blaine knocked the score low enough (poor lad/lass). And I had also assumed Blaine’s relationship suddenly turning into 100% in the next chapter despite treating him/her as garbage (again, poor lad/lass) and refusal to date them was just because there wasn’t stuff ready for that combo so it just defaulted into best friends with more to be added later.

As an aside, if you go with the “I was in love with Hayes” option when asked and it moves your relationship up to 80% the text of the bar says “Relationship with $!” (or at least it does with Alice). Lastly if you go with the recap to chapter 2 part 2, you get asked if Michael told you about Blaine’s past but that start point starts with you deciding to go to lunch with Blaine or going to lunch alone where Michael will tell you about Blaine’s past so it is something your character cannot know by that point (unless you are able to get him to tell you at an earlier point and I haven’t found it yet?)

[Silly_Cat_69]

reply to @Silas1

Blaine is trying to make you forget about Hayes, and your last traumatic moments with him are slowly fading from your memory. This is why Hayes’ name is disappearing from the list. Blaine wants to erase any traces of Hayes from your mind, and it seems to be working since you’re remembering him less and less. In the upcoming update, you’ll learn more about how this trauma affected you. By erasing Hayes from your memory, Blaine hopes to gain more control over you.

Also sorry that you had to encounter the error! It’s fixed now ^-^ As for the recap, There’s only questions on what you want your character to look like and what your personality will be. The 2nd part of the 2nd chapter starts with you and Blaine going out for a lunch to discuss a few things. Or if you don’t choose that, then you’ll get interrupted by Michael who’ll tell you about Blaine’s history. That’s the only way you’ll find about Blaine’s past.

Well, There won’t be a weekly update this week since I’m updating it now! after this, there will be a weekly update on monday unless the next month is ending on any other day other then monday lol. So let’s check what we accomplished today!

The demo has been updated! The book is now 118,100 words! I have no idea how many words I wrote this week, but if I had to guess it’s close to 7-8K words since there was a lot of progress.

An art is now made for the main antagonist of the short story! I’ll write up synopsis of both the short stories on Patreon in the upcoming days!

I don’t exactly know if it’ll be a 20K limit for the short story since I just got done with the prologue and that alone is 6K. Though I for once, after starting to write the book, am actually proud of something I wrote lmfao. It’ll be a lot better then my previous writing since I’m slowly improving. (Also a massive shout out to @Fat_cat cause they’re helping with the feed back and giving me links and stuff so I can write out better content for you guys!

(P.S Their book is AMAZING! Give it a read!!)

I am finally starting to show my other project, Femboy dating simulator where you play as a hunk or a fabulous female! You can look at it in. Femboy Dating Simulator (70K words) It’s REALLY amazing and has the same character this game has! But in an alternate universe. Don’t look at the comments though, I dunno why but they’re misleading heh

For now, see you all next week! I’ll be updating the book monthly, however I promise to keep providing weekly updates on what happened and stuff! Love you all!! <3

[Nemureru_Mori]

I found out about your WIP in the femboy dating simulator thread, you said that your story has a femboy in it and I was like , and decided to read it.

I really enjoyed reading it! I love the heavily oppressed and religious setting of the story. Your writing style overall is really nice, it sort of lively and dramatic, never dull and boring. Some descriptions are rather poetic, and some scenes have a good emotional punch. Probably my favorite emotional scene was the soccer short story when MC was poisoned and Marcus realised his feelings, that was very moving. There’s also a lot of humour, which is also a big plus in a story. You made me laugh several times, I especially liked the description “His eyebrows shot up so high, it was as if they were trying to escape his face and make a break for it.”

Love the MC, I’m glad we’re a vampire, and the transformation scene during fight was cool and unexpected. We should drink more blood though, I remember it happened only once in the story, and the rest was just normal food. Also I really enjoyed being a badass who intimidates people just by looking at them.

I read through the thread and found out that you want to make poly routes with three or two ROs. Personally I enjoy the drama, so my MC flirts with everyone, but I want to only have a relationship with Marcus (I just love seeing him jealous, sorry bb ). So the question is: can I accidentally stumble into a poly just by flirting with everyone, or will you include some separate options that will make it clear that they’ll trigger a poly route (e.g. special flirt-choice with two ROs at once instead of just one RO)?

Coming back to femboys, I wasn’t disappointed by Marcus, he is amazing and so cute! I love how shy he is, I want to make him blush as much as possible with my dominant MC (btw, my dominant stat at the end was 69% ). It’s very hard to find an RO like Marcus, so thank you so much for him.

Now more specific feedback and some mistakes under the cut.

I’ll start with things that would improve inclusivity of the story. I’m very passionate about this topic, so I hope I won’t come on too strong

1. Pronouns and gender identity is not the same thing. I suggest changing the wording when you ask about pronouns to include gender identity with it. It might be nitpicky, but this change will make what you’re asking about clearer, because, for example, some amab people can identify as non-binary, but use he/him pronouns. Coding gender identity and pronouns separately may be too much work, but making the question clearer will make it better, I think. Example:

But what gender do you identify with and what pronouns do you choose for yourself?

I identify as a boy and use he/him pronouns.
I identify as a girl and use she/her pronouns.
I wasn’t really one for genders. (They/them)

2. After choosing gender and pronouns the game calls the MC “handsome boy”, “beautiful girl”, or “good looking person”. “Beautiful” and “handsome” are heavily gendered adjectives that limit MC’s appearance, because they imply that MC conforms to traditional gender norms. For example, the word “handsome” wouldn’t be a suitable adjective for Marcus, because of how feminine he is. I suggest changing it to gender neutral version for every gender: “good looking boy/girl/person”. There was another instance of using such words later in the story: “handsome young man”, consider changing it as well for better inclusivity.

3. I could be wrong, but are MC’s clothes gendered? I only got the option to wear jeans/pants/shorts as a male MC, no skirts. It’s better when all clothes are unisex, unless female MCs also didn’t get to wear skirts.

Other stuff:

People already noticed bug where MC corrects Mr. Vigil on their gender despite being cis; I don’t know if you’ve already fixed it or not, but just letting you know it’s still there.

You can buy ammunition for your gun endlessly, you don’t lose any money.

There were a couple of height mistakes with 6’3 and taller MC:

1. “Marcus sat right next to you and scooted close to you, resting his head against yours.” - He should probably rest his head against MC’s shoulder because of height difference.
2. When hugging Marcus: “You asked, voice muffled with your face buried in his chest.” - Doesn’t make sense unless MC is kneeling in front of him.

Some screenshots:

Hayes relationship stat is always bugged, but sometime later it bugged Marcus’ stat as well. Also there’s a full stop mark after Vivian.

This choice lowers “Deceptive” stat, but shouldn’t it increase it instead?

“Ear” sounds awkward and the word “hair” is missing (also first line - “y” in “you” shouldn’t be capital).

The sentence cuts off:

Blaine referred to as “Marcus” before you get to choose their gender:

Marcus’ eyes are hazel, but maybe it’s intentional, like they looked darker before lighting up, I’m not sure:

Some mistakes on the stats page:

• Athletic and muscled build or body (also Athletic shouldn’t start with the capital “A”, and it should be “an” instead of “a”).
• Above - “A” shouldn’t be capital.
• pure - should be capital “P”.
• And last, save slots still don’t work, but you probably know it.

[Silly_Cat_69]

Thank you so very much for your kind words! I love how you describe the things that you love as well which really fills my heart with this warm kind of feeling haha and don’t worry btw! You didn’t come out strong. I really wish I could repay you for your kindness <3

Reply to your replies

But what gender do you identify with and what pronouns do you choose for yourself?

I’m an idiot for not noticing that lol, thank you so much!

2. I could be wrong, but are MC’s clothes gendered? I only got the option to wear jeans/pants/shorts as a male MC, no skirts. It’s better when all clothes are unisex, unless female MCs also didn’t get to wear skirts.

Uh no! Not at all, But I should have added skirts as well, seeing that Vale uses a skirt and would like you for wearing one hehe

People already noticed bug where MC corrects Mr. Vigil on their gender despite being cis; I don’t know if you’ve already fixed it or not, but just letting you know it’s still there.

Yeah, this was a recurring problem, but now it’s fixed! I accidentally made it yes somewhere else which is why it kept bugging out.

There were a couple of height mistakes with 6’3 and taller MC

Oop! I’ll fix that in a jiffy! Thanks for the save <3

Hayes relationship stat is always bugged, but sometime later it bugged Marcus’ stat as well. Also there’s a full stop mark after Vivian.

This is gonna need some time lol, thought I edited out buuuttt it turns out it didn’t get work, for some reason if I set it different numbers on the stat menu, it works then for some reason ;-;

Also, again. THANK YOU SO MUCHH!! <3 <3 <3

[Lucky_Icarus]

Oh boy, I just got the to end of the update. I cannot WAIT until I can go buck wild for that fuckery.

Summary

If they think they can shoot my boyfriend and get away with it? OH! Just wait till they feel the sting of my knifegun!

[Tyler_Blenkinsopp]

Love Mellisa can’t wait for more

[Silly_Cat_69]

@Lucky_Icarus

Spoilers

If they think they can shoot my boyfriend and get away with it? OH! Just wait till they feel the sting of my knifegun!

Well, yours and Valentine’s both! They may not show it but Vale/Valerie is really pissed off. (Be careful though because they might “borrow” you for a few nights:flushed:)

@Tyler_Blenkinsopp

Love Mellisa can’t wait for more

Haha, thank you for your kind words <3

---

Update time! While there won’t be any released version public, I did decide in the previous week that I’ll keep giving updates every Monday and then release the game on the first of every month. This week was hectic (But then again, I feel that every week is hectic lol) but it was hectic in a good way. I’ve found that I love writing and it’s a way for me to cope so the more bad days that I have, the more I write lmao, which is awesome! (At least that’s what I think lol) But anyways, let’s jump into what we accomplished this week!!

So, a total of 8k words were written! (FINALLY) I didn’t write for a day or two so I had to hustle yesterday and the day before now I’m back with a goal system and it’s MUCH easier for writing. It’s better to set a goal for “at the end of the week, I’ll accomplish this and this.” instead of “Ath the end of the day.”

3K words were written and a scene was completed. You can now go after the first obstacle. These three obstacles will not just be just a test of how well you do, but it also depends on how well you do with a horn dog who wants to get in your pants.

5K words written in the short story, you’ll have a set of three plans for the story to progress. Each plan will get you somewhere different and end the story in a very different way. This won’t impact the main book too much, but it will since I don’t want choices made in the Patreon stories to just be meaningless and “haha, I find this very fun.”

Every day we get close to finishing the Patreon story, and once it finishes, I’ll start on the book called “Femboy Dating Simulator.” I’m talking with my artist about making newer art but they’re still a bit busy with school n stuff.

Goals for next week.

Next week I’ll hopefully write 9K words. Which will complete the 2nd and 3rd obstacle present so that you can get a surprise. Which is fighting the final boss and rescuing Blaine. How you’ll treat Valentine in these obstacles will depend massively on how he treats you later on.

Write 5K more words in the short book and try and finish it next week. There will be a lot of editing now to smooth out the kinks and creases.

See if le artist can create the other characters for the game or not.

That’s it for now, see you guys next Monday <3 If you like my work, consider becoming a Patreon, (It helps with the art lol)

[Silly_Cat_69]

Update day! It won’t be super long since it’s been a tiresome day, but I’ll try and make it as entertaining as possible ^-^

Unfortunately we weren’t able to meet out goal of 9K guys, so I’m extremely sorry about that. I even pulled an all nighter but it seems that it just wasn’t enough (That’s what she said ). Most I managed was 8.2K words which, while is pretty good, it just ain’t great for me. But I promise ya’ll that I’ll try and double down next week! ∶D

My Uni is starting again, but don’t worry you guys! I have a schedule and it’ll make sure I write twice as much as I do now!

4k words were written in the Short story while 4K words were written in the main book. which puts the official word count as follows:
Mainbook: 125,214 words
Short book: 14023 words

A character art was made which is a cute 19 year old who you’ll train with in my up coming book femboy dating simulator (Up in Patreon, I’ll present all of them once 20K words are written or once the demo for the 2nd book is created lol)

That’s pretty much it. See you folks next week! Hope you guys have an amazing days till then!

[Silly_Cat_69]

No update this week, because sick Will do my best to work on just the main book until the 1st of the month though!

[6un]

i hope u get better soon

[9GAG]

I just read the demo, I really loved it. Lots of typos and pronoun errors but the story is pretty good, a bit slow at times but I definitely am interested.

Some parts of the story made me sad but thats good for readers. Btw will this be a standalone or a multi book series?

Also get well soon

[Silly_Cat_69]

Hey there! Thanks a lot for the read haha, I really appreciate the kind words! I do agree with it being slow at times along with the typos and pronoun errors which I’m slowly working to fix, but the progress is a tad bit slow as for the book, it may be a stand alone with it being 500K+ (It’s a rough estimation so don’t quote me on that XD)

[9GAG]

Thats a shame, I would be sad if this book is more of a stand alone, I thought it was kind of a “prologue” book as it started at the beginning and the pacing was more slow to give a “childhood origin story” feel

The characters are really good. and enjoyable and I like that its more character based and not stat heavy story based.

Also will Hayes be a potential RO? Will there be a poly or harem route?

[Silly_Cat_69]

Well, it depends a lot on how the people enjoy it, this book won’t be the first, that’s for sure plus It’ll be a long book so if that doesn’t cover up everything, maybe it’ll have a second part. It depends a lot on how many people read it and how much they enjoy it.

As for the characters, yeah, I don’t think a lot of books (other then wayhaven) have done that, so I’m just trying to take what I wanted to read and put it in my own book and trying to make it more unique XD

As for the Hayes, yep, he’ll be introduced in the fourth or at the end of the third chapter. Right now, the third chapter is close to the middle. And yeah, there will be Poly or Harem route where you can romance all four of the RO’s (But it’ll depend a lot on the stats and how you handle them, the stats will go up and down depending on the choices you’ll make even after the romance is done but I always add a heart on the ones that’ll increase the stats)