Legend of the Nûñnë'hï (WIP)

#1

Hello again! I’m finally ready to share my game with all of you. Be aware that it’s still pretty short, with only the prologue, chapter one, and the opening of chapter two. Hopefully I’ll be finished with chapter two sometime next month, but it could be sooner or later.

Before anyone asks, I definitely did get this idea from the TV show/book series Outlander. But I wanted to go in a slightly different direction with it. You’ll notice a few similarities, but hopefully they each have their own distinct flavor. This game was originally planned as a steamy romance (lmao), but I’m not too sure how well that will pan out when I’m dealing with some unsavory events in history. Rest assured, there will definitely be romance. Just the extent of it is something I’m still figuring out.

Anyways, on to the game!

What would you do if you knew all that you know today and found yourself fallen through time? Two hundred years, to be exact. Could one little ripple really change the course of history?

Step into the shoes of a young, modern day Cherokee who finds themselves thrown back in time to 1820, just ten years before the start of the harrowing Trail of Tears. Dive into the history and mystical folklore of the Native American people. Race to help your ancestors avoid their fate or just try to get back home? Discover your true nature and perhaps even find love along the way.

-Play as male or female.
-Play as gay, straight, bisexual, or asexual.
-Currently FOUR romance options are planned, although I’m leaning on adding two more. We’ll see!

None of the ROs are currently in the published game, but you can read a little bit about them here if you’d like. There will also be appearances of real life people!

Real Characters

  • Yonaguska “Drowning Bear”, the chief of the Cherokee (1759-1839)

  • William Holland Thomas (1805-1893)
    -a white man adopted by Yonaguska
    -Principal Chief of the Eastern Band of Cherokee

  • Sequoyah (1770–1843)
    -Native American polymath of the Cherokee Nation
    -invented the Cherokee syllabary

Romance Options

male;

  • Wohali
    -23 years old
    -trader/diplomat
    -english/tsalagi translator
    -gregarious
    -witty

  • Kanuna
    -30 years old
    -blacksmith
    -heavily scarred and blind in one eye
    -stubborn
    -passionate
    -distrustful

female;

  • Ahyoka
    -23 years old
    -gardener
    -brave
    -impulsive
    -petty

  • Leotie
    -19 years old
    -farmer
    -bubbly
    -gullible
    -daydreamer

To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/5140

Please let me know what you think in the replies! :slight_smile:

88 Likes
#2

This is really good. I like it!:slight_smile:

4 Likes
#3

How do you pronounce the title? I’m curious about that :thinking:

I don’t have much to say (since this isn’t my type of story), but wish you good luck.
The Trail of Tears is quite the subject. There are many documentaries on youtube about that and more (like the community working themselves on trying to find dead bodies in the water while the police won’t do sh*t . Despite them fishing out clothing and more from the water…)

It could be a tricky subject, but I believe that if written in a respectful manner that contributes in more awareness and makes us think about the matter; it’ll be an awesome read :slight_smile: Heck, you could even reach out to them to learn more from their perspective.

Again, best of luck!

4 Likes
#4

That title is going to turn my tongue into a ribbon. How the heck do you pronounce that word? And does it mean anything?

1 Like
#5

I’m not sure how the author is using it but in the Cherokee language it means “The people who live forever”. They are usually described as immortal spirits

9 Likes
#6

Love it so far. Can’t wait to see how this develops!

1 Like
#7

Sweet I’m into Native American culture :grin:

2 Likes
#8

This is interesting! I don’t know much about Native American / Cherokee culture and history, so this will definitely be an interesting read once it’s developed further.

Here are some instances of double periods I noticed. Are they on purpose?

Double Periods ..

In [storylore], label atagahi:
My tribe knows it to exist even though few are said to have ever seen it themselves…

Pretending to be angry, he agreed to go home, but as he started down the trail, he kicked a pebble that rolled across the trail to one side and down a bank where they heard a plop as if it fell into water…

In [smokeymountains]: The song grows louder as I draw closer until I’m able to hear the voices more distinctly…

In [atagahi]: This must be Atagâ’hï, the hidden enchanted lake of the Cherokee…

I would also suggest to change the pronoun variables a bit, explanation under the cut.

Pronoun Variables

I would suggest to change the pronoun variables to the forms of “they” as these are all distinctive. The female and male pronouns do not overlap properly, which can lead to the display of the incorrect pronoun in the text (if you ever end up needing the pronouns of the MC, that is. As you’re writing from first perspective, that’s probably not going to happen a lot).

See how the forms are all distinctive for “they”:
they - he - she
them - him - her
their - his - her
theirs - his - hers

Right now, you are using the female pronouns as a base and change the value of the variables for the male pronouns.

    *set she "he"
    *set her "him"
    *set hers "his"

But you don’t always use “hers” when you use “his”, and you don’t always use “him” when you use “her”:

"I see ${her} car."	--> "I see her / him car."
"I see ${hers} car."	--> "I see hers / his car."
"I see $!{name}'s car."	--> "I see Name's car."

Using the name would be the safest route there as the chosen pronoun will either not fit for the female MC or for the male MC.

As far as I am aware, CS authors usually go either the “they” route, the “he” route (so “he, him, his”, setting these to “she, her, her”, often not setting any of those to “hers” as this form is rarely ever needed), or the gender-neutral neopronoun route when creating variables for pronouns.

Again, this is just a suggestion.

When meeting the stranger at the start of chapter 2, it is mentioned that MC is cold and shivering, MC can barely talk. But when MC inspects their phone just a bit earlier, they can cry out just fine. Perhaps that could be changed to some shivering already as well.

2 Likes
#9

Yes, DontJudge got it right. They’re a supernatural spirit race in Cherokee culture that are pretty much the equivalent to the faeries of European folklore. Sometimes called “the travelers”, “the people who live forever”, or “the people who live anywhere”

There’s a legend that the Nûñnë’hï warned the Cherokee of the greatest catastrophe their people had ever known, and a few followed them into a beautiful cave deep in the mountains where they were able to escape the fate of the others who didn’t enter. According to the story, it was from that group of Cherokee that a small number of modern Cherokee that still live on their native land are descended from.

As for the pronunciation, I’m not 100% certain as I’m not Cherokee myself. But I’ve been pronouncing it something like “noon-yay-hee”. According to the Cherokee phonetic guide I’ve been looking at, “u” is pronounced like it is in “tune”, “e” is pronounced like the “a” in “tape”, and “i” like “police”

5 Likes
#10

Thanks so much for this! I really do appreciate it.

The double periods are a stylistic choice of mine but if it’s a distraction to people, I can go back and change them.

Super grateful for the pronoun help!! That’s something I’ve been really struggling to work with. I’m still very new to choicescript and although I’ve used it before, I essentially had to relearn everything lol. Your way sounds much much simpler and I’ll definitely be changing it. I actually planned for this game to be gender-locked female originally, mostly because coding the correct pronouns sounded like a nightmare. It sounds so simple but it’s really not! (for me, at least)

Thanks for catching inconsistencies too; I’ll definitely be going back and polishing everything. An hour after I posted my demo, I realized I forgot to add name options for male MCs too! I’m sure that’s not the only mistake either haha

3 Likes
#11

I loved it.Can’t wait to see it ready.

1 Like
#13

I really like this! :heart_eyes:

I was actually upset when I got to the end of the demo! I trusted this dude on the horse but now I gotta wait to see if he is actually looking out of my good interests, aww. I don’t have any critiques at the moment.

Just curious, is there any reason why this is in first person and not third? I like it in first person, actually, I feel more immersed in the story despite being a different race!

2 Likes
#14

Oh wow, I love this. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: :hearts:

I used to minor in Native American Studies and remember watching a documentary about The Five Civilized Tribes. My dream is to help communities with language documentation and revitalization efforts, so people have greater access and more resources to learn their ancestral language. So reading a Choicescript game about Cherokee history, culture, and the Tsalagi language is amazing. Native American history is a fascinating topic and this game is a great way to get more people to learn about it. Ahhh, I’m excited to see where this is headed. :slight_smile:

Also, if anyone’s confused about how to read/pronounce the Tsalagi names and words in this game, I’d recommend looking up Tsalagi phonology or pronunciation guides. Also if anyone’s confused by the word accents in the title, Tsalagi is a tonal language whose tones can be expressed through diacritics.

4 Likes
#15

Wow, that’s pretty impressive! I hope you don’t mind if I PM you in the future. I haven’t studied this topic extensively; it’s just a hobby for me, but I’d still like to make it as historically accurate as I can. It’s pretty hard to find a lot of information on the Cherokee at this specific period in time so it’s a little slow going.

Regardless, I hope you continue to like it! It means a lot that someone who knows Cherokee culture likes my story so far. :heart:

Tandra88, Glad you like it! I initially thought it would work with third person, but I eventually decided that it was better in first person. That way, it feels more personal to the reader and flows straight from my head and onto the page without having to rearrange my thoughts to fit the perspective.

Also, some of my very favorite games like Guenevere and Wayhaven were written in first person. And of course, the Outlander series is written in the first person as well. Clearly, it just works! :slight_smile:

3 Likes
#16

Really enjoyed what you have so far. Can’t wait to see where this goes

1 Like