Law-Abiding Citizens (WIP) -- Updated 23/08/18 (HUGE HIATUS)

gender-choice
#21

Thank you! I will work on this to the best of my abilities :smile:

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#22

I’m not familiar with copyright laws. I think you should ask someone who knows more about it than I do.

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#23

Nice work! I am looking forward to this story. I am very intrigued by Raven. I am curious how her story will unfold. I hope she is an RO.

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#24

You sighed and lumped slightly,

lumped -> slumped

He smiles apologetically, making you at ease.

making you feel at ease

You thank him, unused to this time of chivalry,

time -> type

all action I see Ricky’s curls bouncing whenever he walks.

all the action I see
or
the only action I see

That was… weird

period needed at the end

So far I’m loving this! :+1: I hope Trevor is a RO!

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#25

Will do, thanks for the tip!

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#26

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it :slight_smile:

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#27

Will fix all of this, thank you so much for pointing it out. And Trevor is definitely a RO!

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#28

Forgot to mention: The two not-announced characters are the only poly relationship available. But both can be romanced individually too. (I apologize but it’s a boy and a girl)

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#29

im hooked, can’t wait to see more (while the other talking about raven, im here falling for Ricky :blush:) though serena is also adorable :grin:, cant wait to meet the other two character.
and by the way im impressed with how you tell the prologue… all that lesson from your previous thread really does help i guess :wink: Good Luck! (i’ll be watching your game :slight_smile:)

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#30

Oh my bad, I thought this wip would be about law attorneys because of the title, reminded me of Phoenix right the ace attorney, that’s why I commented OBJECTION. And then I realized it’s about police officers.

The chars is because when you make a reply with less than 10 letters, you can’t post it. So you write 10 or 20 chars.

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#31

Seems interesting can’t wait can we arrest criminals instead of allways killing them and can we go court see how many years they get inside

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#32

No need to apologise! Your game is still awesome and if I can’t romance them at the same time this just gives me more excuses to play your game multiple times :wink:

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#33

This just mean that many lovable characters / ROs.

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#34

This isn’t necessary. It may have seemed like a frustrating issue at the time but you’ll probably get the hang of it pretty quickly and realise it was relatively minor. (Notepad++ is great in that it highlights the other bracket in a pair so you can keep track of them.)

You’ve stated that this is romance-based - would there still be enough action for an MC who doesn’t want to romance (or even befriend) any of the characters?

Two more things:
-it would probably be easier to read if you put each new character’s dialogue onto a new paragraph
-I feel there were a few instances that could have been used to further define MC’s personality rather than having actions/dialogue decided for them. For example, after the coffee incident MC says “I’m far more concerned about your foot…” but some readers may prefer to be more concerned about themselves or be more restrained and distant in response. Such a choice, I think, would really allow the tone of MC’s relationships with their colleagues to be set and to give a sense of how professional they wish to behave. But that’s just a suggestion, do what you feel comfortable with.

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#35

Really loved the game. Looking forward to the updates! :smile:

Summary

wanna help me with this case?”

Capital W

And everyone smiled happily to have someone on board, expect of course, Officer Hunter.

except

You look at him, sceptical. Serena then glances at you and smiles

skeptical

Maybe she thought you had just leaved her like that.

left

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#36

You had me at
"The game will be very romance based"
I’m not a romantic I swear!

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#37

Just two things I’ve noticed that seemed out of place?

-tired bangs under her eyes
bags? or is like bangs a thing xD

-phones on their hands, coffee on the other
I think on is supposed to be in? Like
phones in one hand, coffee in the other

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#38

Naah, i am pretty sure nothing will happen since you don’t copy the whole movie. Just a name is nothing, else just imagine what would happen if you could not use same names! We would be called something like Amalia123987​:joy::joy:

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#39

Thank you so much, I also find Ricky very endearing. My previous thread helped a lot, I always strive to improve so if you have any suggestions, please share them :smile:

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#40

Oh okay I get it. And that would be an appropriate reference if the game was truly about law attorneys (but I don’t know much about law)

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