Is the current king a good king, or one of the stereotypical aholes like a lot of nobles are portrayed to be? My reason for asking is to know wether or not to throw my lot in or against the guy. Also will we be able to duel with other knights that are abusive to the people or some such reasons? All in all it seems to be shaping up to be awesome so im really looking forward to how it all turns out. Good luck my friend, and may it find great success.
@Danny_Garcia The current king is OK, could be better or worse. Going to let you decide… Thanks for the support.
As for dueling, I may add it, may not.
What are you thinking of doing with the stats? Such as personal abilities in combat, and away from the battlefield. Also I appreciate it that you are willing to put up the timeline that you expect to get things done, it’s cool that you are doing that.
@NoGo Stats will be divided into three sections, emotions, weapon, and general stats. Might add Intelligence, but it depends on my timing.
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Can I marry the kings daughter to become queen 
?
Wouldn’t you have to marry the king to become queen? (unless you mean when the king dies but then there’ll be 2 queens)
Hey when can we expect the demo, I just want to see how you flesh things out so to speak.
Oooh it would be really cool if there are various choices on how to become king such as
-Sabotaging the king whether poisoning him, discrediting him, or hiring assassins
-Marrying into the throne
-or Moving up the ranks honestly
Hey I love your idea ive been scouting this page since you posted it and now that alot of people have questions and you’ve given great answers I love the idea I love the game and how your going into detail with everything I hope a demo comes out soon so I can try it out
Loving the game so far. Funny thing is Morgan the first available name on the list is what I always use for my characters.
hmmm when i pick the red head girl to be my partner this error pop up
Our apologies; there was a 404 error while loading game data. Please refresh your browser now; if that doesn’t work, please email support-external@choiceofgames.com with details.
Edit: when you get to choose your partner the game error a 307 too, so there no way to continue, no matter what you choose a error pop up xD
I found some typos:
shining its light to the heavens
Should be at.
you look around your room, clear and empty
Which is clear and empty. Don’t forget your prepositions.
with only a few furnitures decorating it
“Furnitures” isn’t a word; use pieces of furniture instead.
A bed which you were sitting on, a desk and table in a corner and a tiny hand drawn picture that hangs over your bed
This sentence is just…awkward. I suggest doing something like “You scrutinized the bed, which you are sitting on; a desk with a table that is tucked away in the corner; and a tiny, hand-drawn picture that hangs over your bed.”
Also, you keep switching from present tense to past.
You walk toward the door where you notice a note on your desk.
Put a comma in between door and where.
It’s almost time to your 16th birthday
Use for instead of to. And I would write out sixteenth, but that’s just my personal preference.
your mom keeps reminding you
“Your mom reminds you” flows better.
and it’s driving you insane
I would press the enter tab once to make a new paragraph, & perhaps take out the “and”. The end result would be:
It’s driving you insane.
The purpose of this is to create impact and meaning, something to add depth to your story.
and walks into the den
walk to the den.
This is where you and your mom eat, sow, teach, and cook everyday.
Again, I would make a different paragraph for this.
I would add something along the lines of a greeting that the mother gives. A smile, look, or anything else that acknowledges the reader.
She saw
Sees, if we’re keeping to present tense.
“Finally, I thought you were dead in there.”
This sentence isn’t wrong…just weird. Why would the player’s mother think that he/she would be dead?
That’s your mom, she doesn’t bother with the niceties, just gets straight to the point.
I would indent here. Also, replace the comma with a period.
Sometimes you love her doing that
Consider putting “for” instead of “doing”.
but most of the time, you kind of wish that she doesn’t go in too bluntly.
“But most of the time, you wish that she wasn’t so blunt”.
that nearly cover
Covers. And I suggest changing that to which, and inserting a comma before it.
“What I want right now is to cut your ape-ish hair.”
Dialogue = new paragraph.
and you start to shiver slightly
Change “and” to “as”.
Shea starts to walk over to the redhead but then a wild 404 appears “damn these things are nearly unbeatable” Shea uses a lvl 4 refresh and it instantly dies “damn, guess I have to restart”
I’m liking the game so far, I just have a few complaints/suggestions.
First off, and this is the big one, I got an error upon choosing the redheaded girl, making it impossible for me to complete the game.
And second off, and this is just a side note, you might want to change the name Sir Roderick to something else, just to avoid being too similar to Lords of Aswick.
Other than that I like the demo and can’t wait for more.
Enjoyed the demo. I hope you give us options to develop our character’s personaility as you the story goes on. That’s a major failing in some of the WIP’s I’ve seen.
Thanks for the feedback, I’ll be working on the mistakes
is this a lost prince story because if it is i`ll be somewhat disappointed.?
start feels rushed but looks oke so far.
there is very little world building so far so i know no context too anything going on around me.
will wait for more before i say if its good or not, but like what i seen so far (at least concept wise)
keep up the good work
After reading the demo I found a few mistakes mostly dealing with grammar. One thing that seemed weird to me was the MC didn’t really seem affected by being lied to for all of those years and it just feels off.
Also I have been getting and error telling me to refresh the page right after picking to talk with the red-headed girl. Refreshing would do nothing except restart the story from the beginning. Idk if anyone else has had this problem.