Assuming the sairs or whoever it was is going make us into a Guardian, will we have the option to run away and literally become a lone warrior as the title says or even join the empire cause I’ve always wanted to play from the perspective of the dark side in the star wars. battlefront doesn’t count
Wow… I mean, wo-ho-how! I really like this story, partly because I love stories where I am part of a prophecy, and partly because it’s really well-written. And totally because Star Wars!!!
I remember seeing your post in the Interest Check Thread, and considering that this is your first time writing IF, I’m very surprised by your storytelling abilities. Good work!
Now, more on the subject of the game itself:
Stats and Stat Screen:
You have too many personality stats and some of them are overlapped, in my opinion. Some of them could be merged to make a cleaner stat screen while making it easier for players to keep track of them. Also, by the end of Chapter II, only two or three of them were changed. I find this a little bit annoying.
I find the names “Skills” and “Primary Skills” a bit confusing. Maybe consider changing one of those names to “Attributes” or “Abilities”.
Also, I don’t see what has “Focused” to do with “Vengeful”. Could you please explain why these stats are an opposed pair?
Gameplay/Interactions:
When we have to answer the Sair’s dilemma, the text is the same after every answer. Maybe you could create a variable that counts each time we answer so the text changes. Maybe her answers change depending on the skills we choose?
In the same scene, after she asks us about the Lost Heir and all that, I found out after checking the stat screen that our answer is the same copy-pasted text from there. Maybe make MC’s answer shorter/different so that it reads less robotic and more natural? This is only my opinion tho.
Maybe add more choices/reactions that affect MC’s personality? I think they’re very few, and where almost at the end of Ch.II
Typos:
There are some words that shouldn’t have the first letter capitalized.
I think there was a paragraph where Arcai wasn’t capitalized.
Some ellipses have an unnecessary period after them ("{text here}…."), and some periods have unnecessary periods after them ("{text here}..")
Rune Craft and Weapons Craft have underscores in their names, so they read as “Rune_craft” and “Weapons_craft”.
I think I saw some other errors, but I can’t remember them lol
Good work overall, will be checking the next update.
Edit: Also, the save system isn’t working. I tried reloading the page but that didn’t work. I checked your code and it seems like you have a *comment before *sm_init
Is this, this one wip from the Interest check thread. If so I’m really happy that you are working onit now and really excited to see where this will go.
So far this is pretty great, I would say though that especially the scene where you talk to the sair is very rough around the edges in the way the choices are presented, it doesn’t really flow naturally compared to the other scenes.
Other than that I would say if you want to keep this many personality stats (although I would say you could definitely make do with fewer) , Imo you should split up the stats tab into a skills tab and a character tab, the character tab could also be a good place to put the MC’s physical features because so far I haven’t seen them noted down anywhere. Also in regards to the stats screen it’s currently very bland to look at Id say that some short sentence descriptions certainly couldn’t hurt.
Regarding the story I definitely think that the direction it’s going in seems good especially with the dream scene at the beginning but the exposition in the sair scene is somewhat overdone.
Also both a mysterious and a angsty former best friend RO? Please sign me up
Good great golly! So wonderful! Will patiently await more of your beautifully crafted piece of science-fiction/fantasy, planetary romance, goodness! It’s like Princess of Mars and Dune had a baby!
@Ray_Mithun loving the update thus far but did notice a mistake of sorts when leaving the priestess people and getting back to palace grounds when we meet are siblings. There is numerous instances of referring to all of them as older brothers but we have a older sister and two older brothers…so perhaps look into fixing that I am defintly looking forward to seeing more and I’m curious of a certain empire soldier .
Noice, loving the story so far. Despite it being short, its already intriguing and fascinating. The setting sounds interesting, space-fantasy? brilliant! The few ROs available so far are also bunch of lovelies.
There are few minor errors here and there, nothing a quick reread can’t fix, mostly are grammatical or spelling errors. All in all, its on to a great start, can’t wait to read more, have fun writing!
Maybe it’s just me but I felt on several occasions that it was difficult to understand who exactly was saying what, and even who was involved in the conversations to begin with… for example the scene where you’re suddenly reading things from someone elses perspective was very confusing at first.