ISLAND OF CARNAGE Hosted Games Beta Test

[Ted]

Hello, Choice of Games Community!

I’ve written a story for Choice of Games called Island Of Carnage. I’m new to this forum, so I hope I haven’t broken any protocols with my title.

The story passed Quicktest & Randomtest. All the assets for the game are ready to go, and I guess the only thing left to do is beta-test it.

I had a blast writing this story, and hopefully, it’s a fun read for you!

Thanks,
Ted

Beta Link: https://dashingdon.com/play/theodore-nolan/island-of-carnage/mygame/

Island Of Carnage

Survival, horror, and an interactive adventure await those who travel to the dangerous Island of Carnage. Will you escape the bloody carnage that plagues the island, or will you fall victim to it?

The story Island Of Carnage is an interactive journey that thrusts you into a world of horror and adventure. The story written by Theodore Nolan is entirely text-based, with around 50,000 words. There aren’t any graphics or sound effects, but that’s okay. All you need is your imagination and the power of choice to enjoy this adventure. But choose wisely because the wrong choice could cost you your life.

In this game, you start as a struggling journalist who has a tip for a big story that could launch your career. You travel to a remote island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, fraught with seismic activity, to begin your investigation of a company known as OWL.

Your goal on the island is to gather enough evidence to try and expose OWL for its exploitation of the island for its resources. But survival and escape quickly supersede your initial journalistic endeavors.

Survival and escape from what? Earthquakes? Yes, but besides the deadly seismic activity, your encounters with some unexpected inhabitants on the island also threaten your life. Or, more accurately said, your life is in danger because of the hordes of bloodthirsty mutated cannibals stalking the island in search of human flesh.

Your journey will take you across an island filled with peril, adventure, and life-and-death choices. Survival won’t be easy, but with new friends and your trusty weapon for protection, escape from the island might be possible. Can you escape the Island Of Carnage, or will you end up as a meal for a hungry horde of red-eyed cannibals?

Content Warning: The story Island Of Carnage contains blood, violence, and gore. The flesh-eating creatures, you, and anything else alive on the island can die in this adventure/horror game of survival.

[Ofuasia_Gaihu]

Hi.
Just read this to the end…
It literally had me on the edge of my seat. My heart was at my throat the whole time. In summary, I actually felt scared. It was a lovely experience.
This is mad stuff. I am still feeling the adrenaline (if that’s what it’s called).
I am at loss for words.
Thanks for the experience.
I am very impressed.
I can say this is one of the only games where I felt the exact same way the MC was feeling. And this is also one of the only titles of the horror genre that has managed to give me the feelings and experiences tied to the genre. That is no small feat. Kudos to the Author.

[Ted]

Thank you so much for your glowing review! And congrats to you for escaping the island!

[AletheiaKnights]

This is quite a good story you’ve got here! Although it doesn’t offer much in the way of emotional connection to the characters, it’s tense and scary and had me both impatient and terrified to know what was going to happen next.

On the whole I like your style, although sometimes the single-sentence paragraphs feel a bit too jerky, and too many “sound effects” on one page can be a little confusing. It’s not so bad in either case that it’s something I would say definitely needs to change. Just something to keep in mind when you consider how you want any particular scene to read. In relatively calm and collected moments, maybe use slightly longer paragraphs. The short, jerky paragraphs are perfect for intense action sequences, and the “sound effects” felt most effective to me in moments when more was going on than the character could easily process at once. But I actually like the way auditory sensations were worked into the narrative.

A few corrections and observations:

“Candlelight” isn’t usually quantifiable, so I think “Dim candlelight” or “A dim candle” would sound more natural here.

“to the woods”

“returns to its unfinished bowl”

Repetition. If these are meant to be different dogs, that doesn’t come through at all. Otherwise, there’s no need to say it twice. (Once was bad enough … poor doggo. )

“about to change”

Was this supposed to be “It”?

sheathes

I’ve watched people turn into red-eyes flesh-eating monsters right before my eyes, I spent a night worried that I was becoming one after being bitten, and Will is surprised I want to know what actually causes the change?

Missing quotation marks

vial

What’s this about?

Again … this is very good, and I expect after it’s published I’ll be recommending it often when people ask for horror games or action/adventure.

[Ted]

Thank you for your favorable story critique, suggestions, corrections, and observations! My observation from your post is you’re an animal person, like me! I’m so glad you fed the cat!

I implemented everything mentioned in your suggestions/corrections to the best of my ability. I swear, I must have a mental block for the word “to.” I re-read the spots in the story where you suggested it was needed and still had trouble seeing the mistake.

As for the single-sentence paragraphs, I totally get what you’re saying. The intention was to move the story along fast to keep the reader engaged. Also, as a person that’s written a bunch of screenplays, large blocks of text are usually a no-no, so I guess it “felt wrong” doing it. For this story, I think I’ll keep it the way it is, but if I write another, I’ll definitely consider using longer paragraphs for the calm and collected moments.

Which brings me to your last question, “What is this?” That’s a code to use if I write a sequel to this story. A save, if you will, of someone’s individual progress. Or, if I wrote a totally different story in the same universe, it could be used as a bonus boost for the new game.

Again… Thank you! And I appreciate that you’ll recommend the story to others asking for horror games or action/adventure.

[AletheiaKnights]

I’m glad you appreciated my notes, and glad I could spot some of those pesky missing words. Most authors have trouble proofreading their own work, because when you know what it’s supposed to say your brain just fills in the gaps.

I’m not surprised to hear you’re a writer of screenplays. Your work has a very cinematic quality, and I think your style contributes quite a bit to making the scary moments such a visceral experience. I absolutely meant what I said about this being good enough as it was, and my comments on style are meant much more as a gentle suggestion to keep in mind than a real complaint.

I hope you do write a sequel, or something else set in the same world. This is such a well-made game, and I’m sure whatever comes next could only be better as you get more comfortable with this medium. Also, I definitely want to know what Will is getting up to with that vial of his! If you do write a sequel or companion piece, the end code may not actually be necessary, assuming you’re planning to publish through Hosted Games. You could either make the sequel an IAP add-on, or enable saves that could be transferred from this game to the other.

By the way, you’re totally right about me being an animal lover! Thank you for letting me pet the cat!

[HoldTh3L1ne]

The player character talks out loud a lot when it doesn’t necessarily make sense. Internal dialogue doesn’t have to necessarily be actual spoken dialogue. This is just a personal preference, though, so obviously feel free to write things as you see fit.

There seem to be a lot of exclamation marks, even in action lines. Obviously some make sense like in dialogue lines given the situations characters encounter, but it feels a little exclamation-heavy to me (again more of a personal observation).

There’s also a lot of the character acting outside the player’s control, especially in regards to dialogue and character building; if this is intentional, then feel free to ignore this part of the comment.

I do personally enjoy the shorter lines and paragraphs, as opposed to more traditional-novel style blocks of text; it’s much easier to read and follow the way you have it written, especially on mobile. The more fragmented pacing especially shines in high-action scenes, where it truly feels frantic.

[Ted]

Thank you for your gentle and kind critique.

As someone who lives with an individual who constantly talks out loud, it felt natural to write external dialogue for certain situations rather than internal. With that said, I’ll go back through the story and see if I can switch a few of the external dialogue to internal. Perhaps, it’ll make the story flow better for some of the readers.

I’ll also go back through and try to purge some of the exclamation points!

One thing I avoided was fake dialogue choices. Perhaps, they would’ve given the player a better sense of control. I admit I’ve got a lot to learn about this interactive medium. Feedback like yours makes me more mindful of the player’s perspective, and if I decide to write another interactive story, it’ll help with the process.

Interesting point on the shorter lines being easier to read on mobile. I’m glad you enjoyed the pacing of it, especially in the high-action scenes. Most art, including the written form, is truly subjective. I appreciate you taking the time to comment here, and I will purge some of those exclamation points later today!

[Ted]

@AletheiaKnights

You could either make the sequel an IAP add-on, or enable saves that could be transferred from this game to the other.

Hmmm… Those options sound interesting. The one thing that worries me is it could get messy on my side of things if I went that route. With the code at the end of the game, I could cater to each code ending at the start of a second story. A prologue, if you will, that ties up what happened in the interim between games. There’s one storyline in particular that could get messy for me.

I’m sure someone with coding skills better than mine could implement your options without a messy problem. Anyways, I appreciate all of your suggestions, help, and feedback!

[AletheiaKnights]

I’m not sure how much you’ve studied the work of other ChoiceScript writers, but I think it’s probably worth looking at what other people have done, and asking people who have already published sequels how they went about it. It might be easier than you think, especially since there probably aren’t a huge number of variables and such that would have to be transferred.

[Eiwynn]

@AletheiaKnights

especially since there probably aren’t a huge number of variables and such that would have to be transferred.

Perhaps I misunderstand, but it is my understanding that most, if not all, variables from the first work in a series transfers to the sequel.

@Ted –

There is a recent thread on this issue. I’ll edit in the link momentarily.

Edit: Here it is:

Sequel Writing

I’ve enjoyed having a nice long vacation after the publication of Day After. But it’s time to get back to it and dig in with Grandparenting Simulator. However, I find the prospect of writing a sequel daunting. Does anyone have ideas or suggestions about writing a followup? The mechanics of it (I know I am supposed to paste in all existing variables from the first game, but beyond that I am a bit lost), the best ways to manage spread, and how betatesting works for something like this. Or rea…

Edit 2 – It appears if you chose “stand alone” for your sequel, you’ll need to import all the variables, but if you choose the dlc/add-on choice you import none. That clarifies things.

[AletheiaKnights]

@Eiwynn

Perhaps I misunderstand, but it is my understanding that most, if not all, variables from the first work in a series transfers to the sequel.

My point is that the game uses very few variables at all. Basically all that would need to transfer would be the character’s name and what ending they got, and possibly some of the inventory items.

[Ted]

@Eiwynn

There is a recent thread on this issue. I’ll edit in the link momentarily.

Thank you for the link, Eiwynn.

[Eiwynn]

@Ted

Thank you for the link, Eiwynn.

I took a glance at your writing style, and it looks very promising to me. It has a few similarities to the style I use in my projects, and while some do not care for the “screen-play” form, most will not let that be a game-breaker.

[Ted]

I read some posts on this forum, and incorporating a save function into the game seems like a viable option. But my current method requires less brain power for me to handle.

Perhaps, more clarity would’ve made the code at the end of the game easier to understand.

Maybe something like: “Your Save Code —> XXXX”

I’m just brainstorming, but I’ve considered scrapping the save option, and instead, I’ll write a standalone story in the same universe. It would probably draw more eyes than a sequel, and the game would revolve around the character Will from the Island of Carnage.

But would people want to play a game that locks in the character’s gender and name? I wouldn’t mind it as a player if the story is good, but everyone is different.

[AletheiaKnights]

A lot of people around here really don’t like genderlocked games, but I actually don’t think it would be much of a problem in this case because, assuming the next game is in much the same style as this one, your approach is so heavily plot-based. People who put a high priority on character customization probably won’t be drawn to your games in the first place, while those who are looking for a good thrill ride won’t care whether they’re following [Insert Name Here] whose gender is never mentioned or a guy named Will.

If you went that way, you could even include the PC of this game in some way. Just include a question at the beginning of the new game about whether you’ve played Island of Carnage before, and if the answer is yes, you get to enter the name you used for them and the gender you pictured them as, and maybe a couple other specific questions about their experiences on the island.

[Ted]

I’m leaning toward eliminating the save code. Once I finish my latest edit, I think I’ll delete the codes. A new storyline with elements from the island should be fun to write.

[EsetiaErnlaud]

I’m a save goblin I use it at almost every choice

[AletheiaKnights]

I don’t think he’s talking about the ability to save your game on DashingDon. He’s talking about the code that appeared at the end of the game, indicating which ending you’d reached so that in theory you could enter that code at the beginning of a sequel game and continue the story.

@Ted

A new storyline with elements from the island should be fun to write.

I’ll be looking forward to it!

[Ted]

An updated version with edits was just uploaded… Thanks again to everyone who’s beta tested the game thus far!