Isbandia (WIP) - includes demo


#1

Hi there. I’ve been reading Choice of Games for quite a while now. I’ve read all of the official games and many of the hosted ones (big fan of Zombie Exodus). I thought I’d try my hand at writing one of my own. This is what I’ve put together over the last week and a half.

This medieval / fantasy story is called Isbandia (it’s a working title) and puts you in the shoes of a soldier of the Isbandian army, currently tasked with eliminating one of the many rebellions that plague the kingdom. The demo below is the Prologue of a planned seven chapter story. It’s roughly 9400 words (including code).

Please have a read through and tell me what you think. Ideas, suggestions, feedback and so on. Thanks, guys and girls.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/146882719/web/mygame/index.html


#2

its very good but is the bit “mahogany from the Malchior Forest” is this a reference to team four star?


#3

“You have no dark backstory, no hidden pain. Your parents are blacksmiths and are wonderful, caring people. Your childhood was a happy one.”

Hahaha. I just wanted to say that that line was brilliant.


#4

I enjoyed the game, what there was of it, but I was surprised that most of the choices don’t really seem to do anything story wise.

Thinking strategically when fighting the rebels doesn’t seem to make the battle go better for you, and whether you decide to help your fellow soldiers, your commander, or no one doesn’t result in any more or less people getting killed.


#5

@stsword While the same number of soldiers survive no matter your choices, it affects:

a) Your stats and relationships with Trachan and Kayla, and

b) Your final performance, which Trachan speaks to you in his office about.

Choices you make, particularly whether you saved Karter and whether you get promoted, along with your stats and relationships, will have effects, major and minor, in later chapters.


#6

Well that’s why I said story wise, I knew it was affecting stats.


#7

lol @ San Holo, nice


#8

The game is enjoyable so far, and the writing is excellent and well-edited. My only suggestion is to provide more character building moments with Trachan and Kayla earlier in the story. I like how you can have a conversation with Kayla later on.


#9

@Velax I particularly like having to choose between Trachan and your character’s honour in some cases, and deciding whether or not to steal coins. So far, it looks very good!


#10

Fairly pleasing, but ‘San Holo’? Really?

Edit: Also: “The evil which has fallen upon the land, with the object of destroying the divine principle in the human soul, must be extirpated root and branch. Fury against the heads of the revolution, its devoted followers, must know no boundaries.”

Further Edit: We could do with having some information on events prior to the opening battle, so as to better form an opinion on just how unjust the rebellion is.


#11

It’s a good start; I look forward to seeing more!


#12

“Karters cuts himself off at the ring of Trachan’s sword sliding from its scabbard.”
I think ya called him “Karter”.
San Holo, rofl.
Also, you’ve used the word ‘prone’ twice in a while. Gotta thesaurus?
I’ll keep an eye on this.


#13

One thought I had: when I stopped Trachan from killing the first rebel, my thought behind it was: ‘Don’t kill him, we can interrogate him!’ So, I was rather surprised when the reason given after the fact was ‘He’s unarmed! That’s dishonorable!’ Would be nice to make it more clear in the option as to why you’d be stopping Trachan, and possibly include another option for the more practical reasons to take prisoners. This is especially true for the rebel leader/mayor–honor be damned, rebel leaders make for valuable prisoners!


#14

This is brilliant, absolutely love it


#15

“I can’t stand these rebel scum…”


#16

Also:

Kayla steps up beside you. “He’s right, Captain. We can’t do this. He’s unarmed and helpless…”

(It appears like this no matter what gender you are, and I’m pretty sure girls aren’t boys last time I checked :P)


#17

Another Star Wars thing I found:

“I’m San Holo, by the way, assistant to the Royal Chamberlain.”

(Pretty sure you can guess who is mentioned here.)


#18

Its pretty interesting cant wait to see more.


#19

Very nice start can’t wait to get into the story


#20

@lexlexx Hah, it is, yes. :slight_smile:

@JimD Ah, okay. You don’t think they should be saved for later on in the story?

@timaeus That’s a good idea. I’ll look at that for future revisions.

@Drazen I see your point, but there is a story-related reason as to why the cause of the rebellion isn’t explained in great detail yet. That reason will become clear in later chapters. And San is just a minor character, there’s no harm in having some fun with his name. If I’d called Kayla Lincess Preia instead, that may have been going too far.

@Bagelthief, @RagEgnite Buggar, thought I’d got all the typos and gender-related pronouns. Thanks for pointing those out, I appreciate it. :slight_smile:

To everyone else, thanks for your comments and feedback. Much appreciated. :slight_smile: