Into the Void (WIP)

Hi, everyone, i have already tried to make a Hosted Game called The Day The Rain Came Down, but i couldnt finish.
So, im here to bring not another project to not be finished. It is a project to be made with four hands, me (Arthur), Alysson, Lucas and Vitor, we are from the same college and decided to make a game, this game. (We are studying Digital Games)
Some of you may find it a little bit Lovecraftian and sorry, it is true, i am big fan of him.
I will put some concept arts and stuff in the game because it was first developed to be a digital game, but me Arthur, thought it could be a good ideia to make it a Hosted Game (if finished)

Into the Void.

Its a game about a person who comes to be a puppet in a play of three Nameless Cosmic Entities. They are trying to use you, but have you any freewill in this or willpower to go against their plans?

The first chapter is already completed and i will try to upload it as i write (obv). Soon i will be on vacation, what means, free time to write.

Here, check it up: https://dashingdon.com/go/3367

Please ask me anything and critique.

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I love your enthusiasm and the concept seems interesting, but there are a whole host of spelling errors and grammar errors and the demo is generally just very hard to read.

I would also suggest a warning for those who are sensitive to material such as suicide. I personally am not triggered by it, but others may be.

Right now I would suggest proofreading your demo and really nailing it down. Demos don’t have to be perfect, of course, but they are really what draws your audience in.

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:smiley: thanks, i will fix everything, or at least try to

A lot of capitalization errors.

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I am absolutely going to 2nd this.

You might want to consider putting something out when you actually have some substantial work on the demo. I don’t know if it’s incredibly short or if I am looping, but I can’t get past: the opening with the cliff. No matter what I choose, it keeps me there.

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I think you have to pick all three options to continue…

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Actually you just have to choose to look up and keep looking up.

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adult fiction

a bit Lovecraftian

Nameless Cosmic Entities

I’m sold!

Oh no. This is page 1.

This is what it should look like:

After a long day of wasting your time in this miserable world, you must recover a bit. Don’t even bother taking a shower. You can do it tomorrow.

You may need to rest. Maybe you should go to bed.

I can tell English isn’t your first language by some of the sentence structure (“bother about a shower” and “tomorrow you do it”) so I recommend finding a native speaker to help you with spelling and grammar. Writing in your first language is hard, but writing in your second language is even harder.

I’m completely sold on the idea. It sounds great. Unfortunately, someone needs to help you with your grammar. It’s not your fault – I’d be even worse if I tried in French, for example – but you still have to find someone to help.

Alternatively, write in your first language! :slight_smile: You’ll have a much easier time. I know you want to share it with the English-speaking community because we kind of dominate the internet, but I think you should start in your first language because it’ll be much more comfortable for you.

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:smiley: Glad you liked it. And yes, my first language isnt english, it is br portuguese. But we kind of have to make a game entirely in english until november 30… and i thought it could be a great exercise, you know, because in my country we barely speak portuguese correctly, even an accent looks alien, imagine a foreigner language.
We are also planning to join a game jam, we already did it, but, you know, we want to participate everywhere we can and guess… english speakers everywhere.
Finding a native speaker that could help us and also do it for free, seems like a difficult task, but i will try to talk to someone.
Thank you very much and i am almost finishing fixing some errors. :smiley:

Find an ex-pat! There will be many. Portugal is a beautiful country. Brazil, not Portugal! You’ll find many more actually. If you can find an English teacher, even better.

You may not be able to get a translation service for free, but you can maybe find some ex-pats who will do it for a few beers a day.

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