Hollowmoon Valley (WIP 8/28/20)

So… is there hope to romance some smoochy creature? :pleading_face: :pleading_face: :pleading_face:

1 Like

Just some minor gripes: I really prefer the default(?) layout where I can choose to change to a black background, as @Ninja1 mentioned above. I see that you’ll work on spacing the paragraphs, so that’s my second little gripe dealt with. Also, Chevy is suddenly referred to with he/him pronouns in the scene where she’s biting her nails at “Mooncakes and Tea”.

That being said, I love the premise! And I really like the writing; shaping the MC in the violent werewolf fight only for the MC to abruptly open their eyes was as jarring as if I had woken up from a relived nightmare. The hints of a traumatic past sprinkled in effectively underlie the otherwise easygoing pace of the MCs day; I felt ill-at-ease at times, and I love that!

I’m curious, since you said this is a retirement town, and Isa has white hair, are the ROs older adults? :eyes: Older ROs are a largely untapped vein of hotness for thirsty 20-somethings like me, but I digress…

Speaking of being thirsty, Satomi can step on me! Also, I love charming ROs so Noah is on my radar… as well as Ase, because I love huge swole softies. Overall, the ROs are diverse and interesting, even the other characters; I noticed that the blue punch-makers were a lesbian couple, and the MCs great-great-great(-great?) grandma was a badass wlw, which is really cool to see, err, read. I also liked that the mother was the cold figure, and the father was the parent that seemed to tend to the MC’s emotional needs.

Overall, I’m really looking forward to reading more of this!

5 Likes

I like the fact that I open up the stats menu and I instantly notice that my trauma levels are at a healthy 50%

12 Likes

Yay thank you! I really appreciate the detailed feedback, and I’m glad to see that I was able to pull off what I wanted :smiley:
While it won’t be too big of a surprise, I do want to keep some things vague, so sorry I won’t be able to give ages/age-ranges! From oldest to youngest ROs though, it would be Ase, Isa, Satomi, Chevy, Polly, and then Noah as the baby of the group.
(Also Satomi approves)
I am also glad to see the other characters getting some love too; most will be around! (except great-great-great grandma). I’m hoping to make MC as badass as possible, after all they are descended from a long line of hunters :slight_smile: and they’ve survived up to now.

Many thanks again!

5 Likes

You’re here for a reason~

Oki, so I’ve tried updating it via dashington but it’s uh a little wonk at the moment, sorry if it messes up the game or anything! I’ll re update/fix it once dashington works again for me :slight_smile:
It should have the newer update which fixed word walls, a pronoun mistake, change to default layout, and some added flavor details. Thank you for your patience!

2 Likes

Hey… that username sounds familiar.

4 Likes

images.jpeg-134

16 Likes

I really like the atmosphere of the game! Keep up the good work fam! ^^

1 Like

Hi, I’m loving the game! Especially how soft it is even with the traumatised MC as some of the other comments pointed out. But I have something to ask, will we be able to stay in good terms with the family and still retire? At least with at least Al and our Father? Because i don’t think i could handle it if the answer is no, they’re so sweet and loving! Our mother seems like she’s a little apathetic to our emotional struggles (and then there’s that arranged marriage thing, oof no thanks mom bye) and Darcie is well, Darcie. I would love to be able to have a decent relationship with them too but i think I’d at least require a small apology. Even if I’m not very likely to get it, my MC can dream. :’) But yes love the family aspect of this game! Easily one of my favorite things about the game. (Maybe tied with the evil(?) magic mirror we have but shhhhhh we don’t talk about that, just throw more salt on it and you’re good)

6 Likes

Thank you for adding the settings option! I don’t know anything about coding myself so I’m really sorry if it was difficult to do ^_^’

And sorry to bother you (again) but while it’s a bit clearer now, it’s still kind of a wall of text. I saw some white spaces further in, but at the start everything is kinda stuck together making it hard on the eyes and a tad daunting to read. Which is really a shame because I like your writing.

The very first page with the introduction, disclaimer and warnings were perfectly readable and so was the medical exam part.

Story-wise it was quite good, I enjoy the setting and the characters are quite lovely. There is enough variation in the choices given (in my opinion) and your writing style is clear and comfortable to read. I’m interested in where it will go but I’m also a bit scared. I don’t want anyone to die T_T

But… I’m also ready for the angst.

3 Likes

I just played the demo and it was really good. I really enjoyed it so much. I hope you are able to finish this.

1 Like

Hi there! Thank you for your interest and review :smiley: I really appreciate it!

At the moment I only have plans for the Mc to be able to effect their relationship w/ their siblings (i.e good or bad) while Mc’s parents are basically gonna love Mc no matter what. So yes to both! And this is in regards to pretty much any decision Mc ends up deciding to make (i.e staying retired, returning, etc). I also love family feels so I’m glad I can share that with everyone as well :smiley:

And yes just more salt no need for evil magic mirrors in Mc’s life

4 Likes

Awesome thank you for your review! :smile:
And thankies thankies I’ll use those as reference for spacing; things look a tad bit different when coding vs the final thing so I’m still getting used to it :sweat_smile:

I’m glad I was clear, I tend to ramble a lot so I tried to focus on making things as plain as possible.

Also same!! I don’t want anyone to die, but I’m a huge fan of whump/angst… :upside_down_face:

2 Likes

I love the idea of a retired hunter and for now the demo is pretty interesting. We have a lot of choices it’s nice.

A little comment on the srtucture : I think it would be more easy to read with more space between paragraphs.

For now I have a little something for Isa. Isa who is suspicious actually. Hun hun… Some uniforms right ? And no comments on any scars or even the long list of surgeries, without talking about the big bad old injury…

But in the end, I’m the most enthusiast about the mirror !!! What we can feel about it is so interesting ! I’m sad the mirror or the person in it is not a RO :sob:
Or maybe it is the killer who actually is a RO or a RO not being the killer. It’s too soon to tell. Or the subconcious of one or… or… Let me dreaaaaaaaam !

1 Like

:cry: help

So is the MC middled aged or older? Not that it’d be a bad thing if they were, I’m just curious about it.

Thank you all again for being patient as I figure things out!

@Wolfie
Yuppers, still working on figuring out spacing! I think my most recent changes has been updated, and I might just add more page breaks instead of line breaks if it’s still too much wall text :slight_smile:
And yup! Isa is a professional if anything, and well let’s just say he’s seen worse :sweat_smile: Although Mc’s scar does go to the top of his list.
Ah yes, the salty mirror, to be honest I do have plans for it but I want to see reactions after I put a little bit more thought into it. Thank you for being salty mirror’s first supporter! They be craving attention

@Vanessa_Pang

Sorry about that! I think I was missing a line of code when I was adjusting the texts; should work now! (i hope)

@Jordan_Kelley
Up to you to be honest! I had no real age in mind, although probably the youngest I’d go personally is like mid 20s and oldest maybeee mid 30s? But that’s just personal :slight_smile:

6 Likes

okay so i love Al so much :pensive: and i feel really guilty for leaving them and our dad not going to lie the story is already so good and your writing is amazing may have caught feelings for noah oh and wanted to ask if you have a tumblr ??

i really liked all the choices of picking how our character looks and how there is a lot of ways you can respond to people so thank you for that :two_hearts:

3 Likes

I’ll hug the salty mirror whenever it wants ! :face_with_hand_over_mouth:
Not sure if it will be glad or horrified. Both reactions could be so funny ~.

3 Likes