First things first, I love your username. Foxes are the best!
Second:
I’m totally in love with the story so far. It’s got quite a bit of a Tudor-feel in terms of setting (Henry VII, not the VIII), but with a dash of Dickens in the way the characters interact with you (especially in regards to the creepy, charmed governess and a grieving widower).
I’m very intrigued by Lady Alden, and I hope to meet King Julius soon.
That said, I am having trouble reading the text, and I’ll admit about 90% of this is personal preference, but much of the text is in big swaths of paragraphs which makes it harder to digest without issue, when they could be more easily absorbed if broken up into smaller, lighter, bite-sized pieces.
Just as an example:
Original text:
Summary
A fine birth, the midwife said. ‘A fine birth indeed.’ The queen thought as she rolled her head and glared at the chambermaids cleaning and swaddling her newborn child. ‘That’s my child. I should be holding them. I want to hold them at least once before they’re… before.’ She pressed her lips into a thin line as she tries to string together a coherent thought. The fever was already taking hold and muddling her mind. She held down the urge to kick the soft furs off her body and instead held her arm out.
“My child. Bring me, my child.” She whispered, still managing to keep her regal tone. The squirming baby was immediately placed in her arms.
“Hello, sweet little thing.” She cooed as she softly pressed her finger to the baby’s cheek, chuckling softly as the baby tired to suckle at air. The good Queen held her child close to her chest and ran her fingers through the baby’s tiny tuff of hair.
She had lost so many. Her last child was the first to live long enough to leave her womb, only to be called by God before the night was out. She remembered holding them as close to her as this one. 'No, This child is not like the others… She thinks as she minded herself to not suffocate her sweet miracle. ‘Can they truly be called a miracle?’ She wondered as guilt began to wash over her. She had lost so many, she couldn’t bear to lose another. She would rather God take her soul instead… She would even damn her soul just to know how the warmth of a child felt. ‘I know now.’ She thought almost giddy as she hummed a gentle tune to calm the fussy baby.
Edited text:
Summary
A fine birth, the midwife said.
'A fine birth indeed,’ the queen thought as she rolled her head to glare at the chambermaids cleaning and swaddling her newborn child. ‘That’s my child. I should be holding them…I want to hold them at least once before they’re…before…’
She pressed her lips into a thin line as she tries to string together a coherent thought. The fever was already taking hold and muddling her mind. She held down the urge to kick the soft furs off her body and instead held her arm out.
“My child. Bring me, my child,” she whispered, still managing to keep her regal tone. The squirming baby was immediately placed in her arms.
“Hello, sweet little thing,” she cooed as she softly pressed her finger to the baby’s cheek, and chuckled softly when the baby tried to suckle at air. Clutching the child to her chest, she ran her fingers through its tiny tuft of hair.
She had lost so many.
Her last child was the first to live long enough to leave her womb, only to be called by God before the night was out. She remembered holding them as close to her as this one.
'No. This child is not like the others…’ she thinks as she minded herself to not suffocate her sweet miracle. ‘Can they truly be called a miracle?’ She wondered as guilt began to wash over her.
She had lost so many, she couldn’t bear to lose another.
She would rather God take her soul instead. She would even damn her soul just to know how the warmth of a child felt.
‘But I know now,’ she thought, almost giddy as she hummed a gentle tune to calm the fussy baby.
I hope it’s not too drastic for your tastes. All I really want to do is illuminate the helpfulness of negative space in text. It gives the reader room to breathe, increases the impact of certain words and themes (especially in regards to the queen’s thoughts in this case), and (in my opinion) allows them to savor a moment, letting fall deeper into the world you’ve created.
In any case, I’ll be following this game closely. I can’t wait to see more of it!