Heavy Is The Crown [WIP]

In the aftermath of a civil war, power is divided between your family and the only other family that survived The Fall, The Northern Throne. They’d fallen out of power years back, but Leopold Drachmann, the self-proclaimed ‘King of The North’, has continued to rally the kingdom’s citizens against its rulers. In a last minute effort to save face, your parents both abdicate and push your brother, Cyprian, to the throne. You find yourself meddling in more royal affairs than you ever thought you would as you and your brother scramble to keep the kingdom- and your foes- in line. Will you save your reputation and rekindle the citizens’ love for your family, or will the monarchy come crumbling down?

Heavy Is The Crown is an interactive novel placed in the fictional kingdom of Sorawain. You play as a prince/princess/prin tasked with having to work alongside your brother as his royal advisor to win back the trust of your people and shoot down the Drachmanns’ assumed sovereignty.

Features

  • Play as male, female, or nonbinary with the option of being trans.
  • Customize your appearance and personality.
  • Romance or befriend four distinct characters.
  • Uncover the secrets of your friends and family alike.
  • Find out the reason why Leopold is so deadset on taking down your family’s rule.
  • Help your brother restore rule or sufer the consequences of some poor decision making.
LIs

Derrick Bracht - A well-known noble; not for his work as coroner, but instead for being Atticus Bracht’s bastard. A stoic man with an undeniable air of melancholy; he often comes off as cold and straitlaced. He doesn’t concern himself with others, preferring to be alone. You’ve known him since childhood, but have never been able to break down his thick walls.

Golden tan skin with dark brown hair and glacial blue eyes. His hair is wavy, trimmed to not fall below his ears. His appearance is shocking in a way, all sharp angles and bright features. If it wasn’t for his illegitimacy, you’re almost certain people would be flocking to ask for his hand.


Talia Kostien - The recent High Priestess and a friend of your brother. She’s confident and her sermons are evidence of that, people hanging on her every word. You’ve never had much of a chance to speak with her, and you’re not sure if you want that to change.

She has golden blonde hair, hanging in soft waves down to her chest, though it’s often tied back in a braid. Her skin is fair, but warm, and she has brown eyes. She’s slim with soft, delicate features. She’s certainly attractive, and you wonder if that’s part of the reason so many love her as a preacher.


Alexander/Alexandra Godfrey - A new member of your royal guard. It seems they’ve been instructed by your parents to stay especially close. You can’t blame them, as their expansive military record is enough to impress even the High General.

Their skin tone is a warm, dark brown complimented by their amber eyes. Their black hair is long, kept in braids that reach their mid-back. You’re not sure you’ve really ever seen them smile, but you’ve no doubt it would look good on their full lips.


Zachariah/Zahara Drachmann - The child of Leopold and a sworn pain-in-the-ass. It’s a little disconcerting how similar to their father they are, in both appearance and personality. Despite this, they don’t seem determined to get their hands on the kingdom or remotely caring of their father’s actions, preferring to just sit back and watch.

They’re pale, coming close to appearing pallor, and this is starkly contrasted by their near-black eyes. Their previously jet-black hair is now graying, making them appear older than they actually are, and Zahara has it cut to her waist while Zachariah’s is cut just above his shoulders.

Other Characters

Leopold Drachmann - The very man aiming to take down your family. You’d be lying if you said you knew anything about him beyond rumors, but there’s no doubting how close he is- or, rather, was- to your father. Times have changed though, and what was once a close alliance is now chasmed due to his own actions.

Atticus Bracht - Derrick’s father and a surprisingly mellow man in comparison. You’ve known him since you were a child, and he’s almost always seen with a grin on his face. He’s guilty his actions as a young man led to Derrick’s ignominy when it should be him instead, but he’s always seemed more than nervous to face the other nobles that disapprove of his son’s illegitimacy.

Ewan/Elvira Chevalier - Your lord/lady-in-waiting and a close friend since they were appointed to you six years ago. They’re quick to gossip and always come to you to spill the details, as their husband refuses to listen to their spiels. They care deeply for you and those they’ve grown close to, and are always there to assuage your worries.

Arina Falkner - An elderly woman who served as your parents’ royal advisor. She’s since stepped down, allowing you to take the role, but she’s never been shy of voicing her opinions. Having been a close friend of your grandfather, she took care of you and your brother as children when your parents weren’t able, and will always have your back should you need her.

Mundir Al-Maghrabi - He was Derrick’s uncle, and was always the quickest to defend the boy’s honor. You’d met him a few times and he always carried himself with an undeniable charm, but there was something sinister beneath the surface. Even though his death was unfortunate for not only the family, but his ministry as well, you can’t deny the fact that it may have been timely.

The demo currently stands at ~18k words w/o code, that being the prologue and first half of chapter one.

Demo | Tumblr

99 Likes

i believe this game has significant potential. However, there are some glaring issues with the realism, particularly in how characters interact with monarchs and bureaucrats. Here are a few points that stood out to me:

  1. Inconsistent Greetings and Titles:
  • The way characters greet the protagonist as “Your Highness” feels awkward and unrealistic, especially given the setting. For example, in a scene where the protagonist is introduced by their brother, the King, to the group , the dialogue feels too casual and modern. The interaction reads more like colleagues meeting in a café rather than a formal introduction for a royal. Here’s the excerpt:

Eleventh month of 357 AU

“To the King!” You hear yelled from the corner of the salon, followed by an onslaught of hearty laughs. You look back, quick enough to see your brother guzzle down a stein of beer and receive pats on the back from his friends sat beside him. A raucous lot, that’s for sure, but you still make your way over to them. Your brother is the first to spot you, lips stretched into a wide grin. At this, the woman at his side looks up as well, soft waves framing her face. You feel a spark of familiarity at her smile, and you pin down where you’ve seen her when your eyes land on the eagle pendant slung across her neck.

Your brother tilts his head back to give you a shit-eating grin before introducing you to the table. “Princess Victoria, everyone.” He spreads his arms wide to present you like some sort of show animal.

The person sitting across from your brother, whom you can identify easily enough–Adrian of House Oprea–teases, “As if we don’t know who she is.” They sweep coils from over their eyes, raising their hand in a polite wave after giving your brother a playful grin. “I’m Adrian.”

Before you can get a greeting in, the priestess pitches in as well. “Hello, Your Highness. I’m Talia, if you didn’t already know.” The words would sound conceited coming from anyone else, but she speaks with so much genuinity that you’re convinced it’s simply her nature.

This exchange feels out of place for a royal setting, lacking the formality and deference one would expect when addressing royalty.

  1. Disrespect from Nobles:
  • There is a scene where a noble, Cristoff, disrespects both the protagonist and the King in public. This behavior is unrealistic considering the setting. In a historical context, such blatant rudeness towards royalty would likely result in severe consequences, possibly even execution. The noble’s head would have rolled before he could finish his sentence.
  1. Modern Service Etiquette in a Historical Setting:
  • The interaction with the service staff is anachronistic. For instance, during a heated argument between Cristoff and the King, Cristoff walks away from the table. A servant then arrives with food and says, “I have your meals right here,” and asks, “Where is the man that sat right here?” This is highly unrealistic. In a historical context, a servant would not speak unless spoken to, especially at a monarch’s table. Even in modern times, such a question would be considered intrusive.

These issues detract from the immersion and authenticity of the story. While I don’t expect perfect historical accuracy of course, some basic will give good taste to the story.

Hey, if I come across as too critical, feel free to ignore my comment

17 Likes

you right with the points but please do me a favor blur that spoiler ^^

Now to the Author:
I like it pretty much so little issus with prounouces but nothing what a little update cant fix, feels a bit honestly like Game of Thrones and i love it.
dont did finish the demo now will contine tomorrow , but i defintly keep an eye on it
keep up your good work

Go to “edit comment” and click on the settings wheel. It says “blur spoiler”

1 Like

[ spoiler]This text will be blurred[/spoiler ]

Like this but without the spaces in the brackets

I like the potential this has, but I want to point out some minor things i think would help.

The Prologue between the King and the Duke was a bit confusing. I know it was your way to introduce inner machinations and politics beneath the surface, but at the start of the scene i thought there were 3 people in the room because of the way you referred to their titles.

Adding onto this theme, maybe mentioning what (in terms of nobility ranks) all of these characters we’ve met are. You have, actually, written yourself a good vessel for this: through the lady/lord-in-waiting and best friend.

Im not saying to info dump (please don’t), but do mention nobility ranks of important secondary characters they mention, talk politics a bit if relevant.

E.g.: the uncle of the other best friend Derrick, we know he was a member of court and i got the vibe council. But what was exactly his position? Spymaster?

Address this as you feel it fits best with how you’ve plotted the story.

One last thing, i found a little error. I’ve picked a Lady-in-waiting for my royal and I’ll post here the error i found.

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Thank you so much! As much as I care for historical accuracy, there were some things I decided to be more lax with, like interactions between characters of certain ranks. The cruelty toward the MC and their brother in that scene was very intentional to show how Cyprian deals with people like that, even if it was a little extreme. The introduction as a whole was mainly meant to show who Cyprian is and what may hold him back from being a good king, like his lack of formality and hesitancy towards discipline.

You did make some valid points, though, and I will definitely alter some parts of that scene!

3 Likes

I feel like I saw this wip before? I’m not saying you copypaste it someone’s wip btw. But this feels like a re-release y’know?

Interesting start! Look forward to more!

Flirting with the guard seems to lower your relationship with them. I don’t know if it’s intentional or not.

You might be thinking of an Arthurian Twine WIP with a similar (or the same?) title.

5 Likes

Probably yeah

It is intentional, but it’s the only instance where flirting with them will bring down your relationship.