Hi all! Brand new to CoG, ChoiceScript, and the forum. I hope I’m doing this right! I’m two chapters into my game, so Jason suggested I post it to start getting some feedback. Going forward, I’m hoping to complete one to two chapters per month.
Heavens’ Revolution: A Lion Among the Cypress is a flintlock space fantasy inspired by eighteenth-century Iran. These initial chapters are mostly done, but I’m still making a few tweaks. I welcome any and all feedback. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read them!
ETA: Despite what I said downthread, crafting items/weapons WILL be an important part of the game!
You’re an astralchemist’s apprentice in Seyj, an ancient city on the brink of revolution. The work isn’t glamorous—refining oil for lantern fuel, manufacturing gunpowder for the city’s reserves—but it allows you to study under one of the finest minds of the age, Farhad Kimiyagar.
In a perfect world, you’d only have to worry about which branch of astralchemy to pursue mastery in. The problem is, Vatani Revolutionists have made your life a nightmare. When they aren’t pressuring you to join their cause, they’re raising hell in the streets during your mandatory shifts with the Chakkosh, the city’s citizen soldiers. The Revolutionists claim they want to overthrow the satrap and take Seyj back from the She’ri, who invaded a century ago. But as the child of a She’ri colonist and a Vatani bazaari, you don’t know where your loyalties are supposed to lie.
Will you try to ignore the political turmoil raging around you and focus on your apprenticeship?
Will you join the Revolutionists, telling yourself their cause is just?
Will you rise within the Chakkosh, chasing the promise of a better life?
Or will you play both sides, hoping you don’t find yourself on the wrong end of a shamshir?
Happy Thanksgiving! They’re going up later than I’d hoped, but the next two chapters are live! Please (lovingly) tear them apart! Also worth noting is that I haven’t addressed a couple of the bigger pieces of feedback from the earlier chapters yet, but I’ve taken them into account with the new ones. Enjoy!
I had a VERY busy start to 2021, but I’m back, and I’m hoping people here are still interested in this story and this world!
I’ve added @CJW’s save feature for folks who don’t have time to play through this all in one go. I’ve also added a 9k-word sub-scene where you can choose to raid a speakeasy or accept a bribe from the proprietor to look the other way.
For those who haven’t played the chapters I posted back in November yet, here’s a little tease:
Dive deeper into astralchemy, learning more about the individual disciplines and sub-disciplines, and dip your toe into studying your own chosen discipline!
Witness a protest at the University over the imprisonment of a famous poet. When you’re sent there to put it down, how will you respond?
Get your first proper glimpse of the Legion of the Black Lion. Will you help them or infiltrate them?
Discover two new potential love interests, one of whom will allow you to entangle yourself in the political aspects of the conflict!
As always, your feedback is most welcome. I hope to have the next two chapters up soon. Enjoy!
P.S. I’ve changed the name of the Sarbazi to the Chakkosh.
I can’t believe it’s been more than six months since my last update! This year has continued to be incredibly busy, but I’m in the process of streamlining my life so I can properly prioritize this game.
I’ve posted two new chapters and one new sub-chapter, totaling ~29K new words. These include:
An opportunity to bribe the warden who holds your brother captive!
An opportunity to visit your cousin’s kebab shop (and ask your family for money)!
A meeting with the head of the bazaari guild!
A deadly attack on the Grand Bazaar!
An evening with the satrap’s daughter, where you can court favor with the heads of various organizations, including the satrap herself!
FYI, there’s still a LOT of feedback from previous chapters that I haven’t addressed yet. In the interest of continuing to make headway on new chapters, I’ll be working my way through all of your notes after I hit my word count each day.
Sal-e no mobarak (Happy New Year) and enjoy!
Time makes fools of us all.
At long last, I’ve posted two new chapters (and a sub-chapter)!
I wanted to finish/post these a year ago, but life, as usual, got in the way. On top of that, the last chapter ballooned into a massive, sprawling choice that took me way longer to write than it should have.
Hopefully, now that I’m through that section, it will be smooth sailing the rest of the way. (Famous last words!) My plan is to finish the last few chapters by the end of May.
The new material comes in at just over 53K words, so with any luck, this will keep you all tided over until the game is complete!
Cool things you can do in these chapters:
Discover a secret that I won’t reveal here!
Meet with the satrap and betray your contacts in the Legion, or pledge to provide her weapons!
Help the commander of the Chakkosh uncover corruption!
Earn a promotion to a higher military rank!
Petition the Minister of Justice to release your brother!
Craft weapons for the Legion, or even begin repairing a div (mech)!
Begin your career as an academic or a bazaari in earnest!
And so much more!
These chapters also contain the first possible ending for the game (it isn’t a good one!).
As before, there’s some older feedback I still haven’t addressed, but I welcome any and all comments. I hope you enjoy playing the new material as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Ghorboon-e shoma (your sacrifice),