Wow. Cliffhanger. Hahahahah. It’s really an amazing story on magical girl although magical boys are rare so it was really accomodating for me. Good work on that! It was heartfelt too. Also iriel best waifuuuuu!! But i’m still deciding for lapis though
Damn… this story is pretty awesome! I got so emotionally invested in it and even sighed in disappointment when it ended Really like the slightly dark tone, really contrasts with the usual bright vibrant magical girl genre. Flint’s death made my heart ache even though he was my rival, Aconite also seems like he might be an important character in the future. Though I did feel slightly sorry for him when my MC lashed out on him. Also, Iriel best RO (for now)
Also, “Marsh Mallows” still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it
Typos and Wording
one
The wording is slightly strange, maybe just remove whatever and change where to wherever
I think it would be better if it was changed to just wide black eyes as the wording is slightly awkward
I think uncertain would sound better
dad’ll sounds slightly awkward, it would sound better if changed to dad will
Don’t think a questioning tone would fit the sentence, would probably replace the ‘?’ with a comma instead.
Semi-colon doesn’t suit here, should be a regular comma as both clauses are dependant on each other.
Either this section is missing a word or his should be changed to him
He’s
him
I was expecting a fun, cheesy game (and nothing wrong with that, I love me some cheese and corn) but it turned out to be so much more than that! I love how well defined the MC and other characters - mainly Iriel so far - are, and how there’s hints of some really interesting backstory.
Legit became heart eyed over this game by the end lmao
Oh look, I’ve fallen in love with another wip again. I feel like the most untrustworthy desperate housewife.
I absolute loved the tone you chose for this! Melancholic and interlaced with just a drop of sweetness. Just my kind of magical girl show.
Also, Iriel. She (seems) too sweet for this world. If she ends up in a ditch by the end of this game my pruney heart will wither completely. :.)
Will certainly be keeping an eye on this one.
Have to admit, I was a bit skeptical about the ‘Magical Girl’ premise but the execution so far was amazing! The characters and the pure feels though… Lapis’ teaser left me 100% eager for more.
Hey, I know that the MC is supposed to resent Lapis and they’re probably human garbage but I can’t help but feel attracted to them? I pray to God that he’s a Romance Option. God, I literally have the worst taste in ROs.
Not sure if I should hug you or start a support group because that’s me too! Can’t help that the most psychopathic and terrible RO’s are so irresistible. I’m a shill for Lapis so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that’s probably not the best idea
#TeamLapis unite.
After reading the tumblr blog I just can’t help but love Lapis, like:
Look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t find this hilariously adorable
If Iriel is a furry, then I’m a furry.
That was amazing, so much anger was refreshing! Found a few pronoun things, there was a couple more but I went past them before thinking of recording them.
“Sorry. You know I love Iriel, but I can’t have his in the way.”
You finally get a good look at hers face
hers heart isn’t asleep,
ten years was more than enough time to exhaust hers
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH oh my gosh, I’m glad everyone’s enjoying! I’ll try to keep this organized. . . .
But I will confirm that Lapis is the other romance option! I promise they are not as much human garbage as they appear at first . . . they’ve just been through a lot. I think they’re tied with Rosewood for “been through the worst” but then again . . . .
Also they’ve been on house arrest for the last ten years so like. . . go easy on their manners, please. . . .
Summary
Aaah, thank you for the feedback! I’m not sure whether it’s higher praise to be compared to Clamp, a Ghibli Movie or Kingdom Hearts. . . . they all have such good aesthetics. . . .
And I will definitely go back and add in some more character customization there! And test out how it feels changing that pronoun . . . deep in my heart I know you’re probably right, but I’m worried about losing focus on Lapis’s intensity. . . . .
Summary
Aaaaaahhhh thank you for catching all of those typos?! I’ll fix them up by the next update! The pronoun system I’m using is the one that came bundled with CSIDE, and I keep getting tangled up with the her/hers equivalents sobs I even know to look for it and I’ll still miss it . . . .
And comparing Heaven’s Dog to Sailor Moon?! So much high praise I’ll need to live up to /)////(\
Summary
Haaaaa! Thank you! I’m glad you like Iriel (and they are too huhu!)
Summary
Thank you! My favorite magical girls always end up being the tough-takes-no-bs types (like Ryuko from KLK and Sailor Mars (though picking favorite scout is hard??) and Farah in Shattered Starlight and Nora from Agents of the Realm . . . etc . . . so I really enjoy making the Agent of Heaven tough and straightforward(ish).
Summary
Thank you! I hope it doesn’t get too dark. . . .
Summary
Aaaah, thank you /)////(\ As for stats, there’s definitely an “anger management” stat (just, not in the stat screen yet) for how well you handle your feelings, but I’m not sure what other stats I’d like to use yet? So much of this game is relationship driven . . .
But personality stats are always fun to have, and I think it gives another layer of “oh yes, this is my MC”
Summary
Thank you very much! I’ve been agonizing over whether I’d done a good job with keeping things gender neutral, because I know my writing can be a little girly . . . But I think everyone can enjoy a good Magical Girl story!
I’m glad you like Iriel! I hope you also end up liking Lapis~!
Summary
AAAAAH What high praise! I was hoping I’d be able to get some emotional reactions but wasn’t sure if it was possible with just the first chapter and the prologue . . . I’m so glad I succeeded! And thank you for catching some more typos. . . .!
I’m glad the name Marshe Mallows seems to be popular. . . . I worked hard on those names! (And was a little nervous about marshmallows)
Summary
Haha, certainly nothing wrong with cheesy . . . there will certainly be a bit of cheesiness in this, probably. Iriel definitely got the most screen time so far, but I’m looking forward to showing everyone more about Aconite and Lapis~~! I hope the hints of backstory aren’t too overwhelming, though . . . .
Summary
Haha, I know how you feel! Hang in there!
Thank you~~ Those are my favorite kinds too . . .
Iriel is pretty much what she seems! I’m glad that that sweetness has come through pretty strongly, because it’s a key component for her ability to be the one who got the MC into all of this and a romance option . . . .
Summary
Never doubt the magical girl premise! (Though actually, with some of the things on the market, I can understand . . . ) I’m glad you’re looking forward to Lapis! They’re looking forward to you ;3
Summary
Thank you! I’m glad the anger wasn’t a turn off . . . as someone who is really angry, sometimes it feels like there’s no good way to process it haha
Those damn pronouns. I will fix them up soon! (though I am taking a day off for today. Maybe. I dunno, I was also up at 1am working on act two so. . . )
Thank you everyone again for all your support and kind words! I was so nervous, I’m glad that everyone is enjoying >////<
Awww, really? Thank you so much
Yes I love Lapis and I will p r o t e c c them
I did not appreciate her help. She straight-up turned that guy into dust.
Flint: MC, I don’t feel so good…
MC: What the —
I will love and cherish Lapis so dont you worry ‘bout that
They’re both essentially magical-girl transformation themed, but don’t feel pressured! Everyone in this thread is already impressed with what you have.
Please do protect them! Just feeling the MC’s strong arms around them makes them feel so much safer~~
I don’t think anyone appreciates Rosewood’s help in that situation ): Rosewood did not really appreciate her help in that situation, they’re just kind of . . . trapped between a rock and a hard place right now. And then probably another rock.
(Though I was worried about having to like. Remind people not to trust them periodically for the first part? ? ? So I’m glad that the MC’s feelings on the matter have been made pretty clear!)
Thank you . . . ! That’s really nice of you ;////; But yeah, I mean, they are the same genre. . . I just watched Sailor Moon Crystal recently so I’m emotional about it haha!
How old is everyone in present time? We finished highschool so 18+?
Just a question: Will we be able to customize our MC’s appearance? I know that we can customize their magical transformation outfit but what about hair color, eye color, height and skin color? I think having such options would make the player feel like MC does have a normal, non-magical side.
Why am I supposed to feel bad for Flint? He was an enemy and fighting him again and again seems pretty annoying.
You don’t need to feel bad for Flint. There was an option in the game to not feel bad for him, I think.
I was talking more about how the MC seems to feel bad about not saving him in their discussion with Iriel. Personally I just dislike this kind of status quo.