Why is that post hidden? 
That’s a cool thing to note because it’s exactly what I wanted to portray! Like, of course only thinking of killing someone is bad, but A and K actually going through with it… I genuinely don’t think they could. As much as they’re head-strong in their personalities, murder is entirely different. I wanted K to actually hear the idea from someone else, e.g., the mc and actually think 'oh shit… not the right thing to do at all, abort mission that never really got off the ground.
I hate it when saves get destroyed, whether it’s by clearing cache or a demo update. But yes! You’re also right with that too, I’ve made a few edits to this scene recently, but the tourism aspect has stayed!
I also thought this, haha!
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There was a recent system change in the flagging mechanism.
Staff and mods are aware of the system flag issues.
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Interesting, right? I was like ‘what an interesting coincidence’ 
reading it the first time 
I hate it more when the save get me stuck at the stat screen and it’s basically not usable. I found recently that all my saves for one wip are like that and I have to start from the beginning 
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I’m two chapters in and really enjoying this! The writing is a little overwrought in places - it’s not necessary to describe every step of taking off a jacket or holding a pen - but the story has me intrigued. There are already so many questions I want answered.
Here are a few little things I spotted, mostly issues with tense or agreement:
are; engulf
have; has
I’ll
me; “on my mind”
The ones highlighted in red complete the sentence; those highlighted in blue don’t. I suggest adding “hair” to the end of the blue ones.
dances
“on the handle”
come
Missing quotation marks
Should be an object pronoun; should be capitalized
closed
“to the man”
me; “on my features”
“his blond hair before trying”
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Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read the story, I’m glad you’ve been liking it so far. The typos you’ve pointed out have been corrected, so thanks for mentioning those.
I naturally think I’m someone who overwrites, so I understand your comment, but also understand what my own writing style can be like. I plan to rewrite the first two chapters before publication, so I will look to minimise the overwriting at times when I eventually go back and edit.
Hope you find the rest of the story as enjoyable!
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Thank you for your kind response! I’ll be reading some more tonight and I’m already excited to get back to Lehsa and decide whether I’m more into Asher or Phoenix.
I hope I didn’t come across overly harsh - this WIP is better-written than most. If it were published at the level of quality it is now, I would feel good about buying it. But it’s also good that you know where your writing can stand to improve. So many writers have a giant blind spot where their writing is concerned. So I bet it’ll be even more of a pleasure to read once it’s been polished up a bit. 
Oh, and I forgot to mention - I automatically adore you for making A demisexual. Canon demi rep and you actually used the word? Thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou so much!
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Two more chapters! I think I might be most into Blaze at this point …
“like to add”
“a little tighter” or “a little more tightly”
“pull the dish”; me
rack
shows
jewellers’ ; how.do I know what Kaidan is thinking?
begun; of
Should be object pronoun
Missing quotation marks
“Blaze’s and my”
“Jordan’s name,” perhaps?
his/her
to
“the one where they had just been”
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Not a problem, and I’m glad when you’re away from the story you’re excited to get back to it.
No! Definitely not harsh at all. An important thing is that you’re enjoying the story as you’re reading it, and hopefully the typos don’t take away too much from that enjoyment.
I think every writer has their own way they’d like to receive feedback, and the way you’ve given me yours has both highlighted positives but also emphasised what can be better which is brilliant.
It’s like you say, writing is all about improving, and in something like interactive fiction with both needing to write, code, and add in choices, there’s bound to be typos that are missed out, so thank you for pointing out the ones you have seen. This story is over the halfway point of being fully written, so there’s going to be a lot to polish up when it’s all done, but it’ll be even more fun to read which is the main thing.
Ooo, yes, yes, yes! A being demi fit so well to how I saw them as a character and how I think their romance route will progress (which will be shown a lot more in the next update), and I know there isn’t all that much rep in if with this sexuality, so I was happy to add it in — I’m just hoping that I do it justice.
Haha, I’m glad you’re liking so many of the ros.
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Not at all. If I weren’t enjoying it, I wouldn’t care enough to want to help you make it even better.
Thank you so much for saying this. I grew up with a lot of harsh criticism and I resolved when I was very young to learn how to give criticism in a constructive way, but I know I don’t always get the balance right. And my dream is to be a professional editor someday, so it’s very helpful to know when I’ve given feedback with the right touch.
I’ll definitely pay attention to the portrayal of A and let you know if anything doesn’t ring true.
I am way too fond of Asher considering that he’s been nothing but rude and he secretly wants to kill me, but I’m definitely leaning toward Blaze at this point. I’m excited to learn more about all of them as the story progresses, and to learn more about the different types of supernaturals.
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I totally understand this! For example, I think I’m someone who’s very sensitive and I’ve always thought that I’m not very good at taking criticism — especially when it comes to something creative that you put out into the world, like writing. But, I’ve always been trying to remind myself that not everyone will enjoy the things that you create, and it just may not be for them overall, but for someone else, it’ll be one of their favourite things.
And, overall, it definitely depends on how some gives their feedback as well. Previously, I’ve had feedback given where I found it way too harsh and that didn’t go well/sit right with me. However, like I said, your feedback and thorough detailing has been great so far, so I have no doubt that if you want to be a professional editor, you’ll be brilliant at the job.
Haha, this is also very understandable. I think as you read on you’re see A be… slightly less prickly, as in very, very slightly until they return to their cold-hearted self — but they’re a character I really want to explore and expand on over the trilogy, to the point where they allow romance to blossom, and I think that will be a lovely thing.
If I had to pick a comfort character out of the ros, it’d be B, especially as they were least popular when the story came out so readers liking them is always heartwarming.
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B is forever the best! Also best snuggler, by Word of God.
Can I make a request? That you put the screenshots in collapsible form? Otherwise, it takes quite a bit to scroll through.
Three more chapters tonight! This game is so much fun.
A couple of points in general. There need to be clear transitions when the narrative perspective shifts. For the most part, there are, but there are a few times when the narrative shifted back to first person without notice after a scene focused on the other characters. Also, there are a lot of run-ons in this, so that’s something to look out for in the editing phase.
“a lot closer”
strand
“a lot different”
The article in both the lead-in sentence and the options is redundant.
is
“to the far side”
K’s
me; object pronoun
rise
humourous; paragraph break necessary between speakers
“the” should not be capitalized; me; is
Song lyrics have verses or stanzas, not paragraphs.
“eyes me for some type”
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Thanks again for playing, glad you’ve found it fun.
This was mentioned earlier on in chapters and I remember going back and editing to try and sort this out. I mostly use location headers to signify this, but I’ll look into making more edits around this aspect. Is there anywhere particular where you noticed it wasn’t clear?
Here, just checking, do mean run-on sentences?
I think the spelling I have in the story is correct.
This would actually be down to coding. In the code I have the necessary paragraph break, so I’m not sure why that isn’t shown in game, I’ll have to do a playthrough myself.
Thanks again for the edits and spotting my mistakes, it has all been very useful. It also makes me think ‘omg, how could you have put something out there with so many errors?!’ But then I remember I’m only one person, and so far there’s only a handful of beta readers so stuff are bound to slip through the cracks. We’ll get it all nice and polished eventually!
Just a note to consider that @JBento made to make scrolling through the thread a bit easier for others 
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I will jump in and say that I get this feeling allll the time even after going through revisions! I’ve read book authors saying they’ll see their books in a shop for the first time, open it, and immediately find a typo 
You are in really good hands if Aletheia is typo/grammar hunting. She has an incredible eagle eye!
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Technically, both “humourous” and “humorous” are correct. However, “humorous” appears to be the favoured, more common spelling regardless of whether you spell “humour” or “humor”.
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I didn’t make a note of it, but there were a few occasions when perspective switched without a location header. If it happens at any point from here on, I’ll point it out.
Yes, sorry. I’m an aspiring editor from a family of teachers, I guess I forgot not everyone talks about run-on sentences often enough to shorten it to run-ons.
I do too, but I thought “humorous” was the American spelling.
Please don’t worry about “so many errors” - this isn’t even your final draft. The most important thing is that you’re getting the story set down. The polishing up can come later - and it’s notoriously difficult to spot most of these things in one’s own work.
I’m sorry about the scrolling thing - I didn’t see that suggestion before. I don’t know how to collapse things, so maybe I could send future reports as DMs instead of posting them publically, if that’s okay with you?
Well, I learned something new today. My inner Noah Webster approves, I think.
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Yay, I’m useful!
Highlight the text you want to collapse, then click the gear icon at the top of the text input box and pick “Hide Details”. If you want, you can then go to the top of the text, find the “[details=“Summary”]” prompt and replace “Summary” for what you want the collapsed text to be called, like this:
How to collapse text
I just told you, come on. 
Alternatively, you can START by picking the Hide Details thing and then just type everything between the square bracketed-commands it generates. I find that option more cumbersome, though.
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Some really deep thoughts
Pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs
Pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs pugs
Edit: YAY I DID IT
Thank you @JBento!
Now how would I do it with an image …
bet you can't guess
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YAY, YOU DID!
You’re welcome.
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