Gemini: The Winds of Change

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Link to Gemini: Winds of Change (WIP:)

Big Update Now!

Chapter 3: The Bazaar, The Tattooist, The Boardwalk: This includes a side-quest for Ursus


This fast-paced epic pre-metallurgy fantasy milieu mystery heist begins on the icy southern continent of Faclan---- A thief, a spy, or something else? Sail the seas with your closest friend in search of this mysterious intruder and get sucked into the world of Gemini.
When everything is on the verge of change, how will you react? What mark will you leave? Will you even survive?

Recent Additions: 12/14/23

The Bazaar, The Tattooist, The Boardwalk: All added to Ch. 3. I fixed-up the Stats Page a little and smoothed-over the writing---- yet another time.

Current Objectives:

… and now on to the night-time bar scene at Berkeley.

An author's thought:

Although this is a “pre- metallurgy” period story---- and I adhered to that era, as we know it, as best I could---- it is still fiction fantasy. Afterall, there is still some debate about technologies of the past, of how things were built, or the knowledge that was possessed. And more often than not, we are stretching these technologies farther and farther back in time as new discoveries come to light. To me, this is the wonder of those ages---- a tiny wedge of space to insert my imagination. What were these places like before metal shaped the world? And is the invention order of these technologies fixed? Were things lost and found over the years? And what if some places rejected technologies, yet others embraced them? Finally, what were the consequences? They may not be what we would think…or me…

Special thanks to these readers:

Thank you all for not only taking the time to read/play my IF story, but also leave thoughtful feedback---- even if it is just to say you like it. Your feedback changed my story for the better by encouraging me to improve.

Dr. Weisberg


Hello. Very interesting game, I like what you have here. Here’s my feedback

  • My biggest suggestion would be to have the character customisation right at the start. I like what you have here, but I also like reading stuff that’s chaotic and you don’t really know what’s going. Unfortunately most people don’t and would not like being thrown straight into a new world and playing without knowing anything. Having it right at the start along with a bit of context on who you are, etc would help people ease into the game.
  • I was going to say that the options aren’t really clear on which stat they affect, but I kinda like it this way.
  • The stat page could be cleaned up a bit.
  • I like your writing style.

I don’t have much feedback other than this. I like what you have here and am looking forward to how you improve it.


This is indeed a rewrite. Regretfully you keep commiting the same mistakes as before.

Plot starts with the action with no forewarning (People should know why they are there. And where they are) which hurts inmersion a lot.

I played more than once, and there’s barely branching or meaningful options with different outcomes that can be considered relevant (Huge mistake in an IF) since even if it’s only flavour text, meaningful choices are a must. The plot is all over the place, and it’s pure confusion. You truly need to make it less confusing. Remember this is a narrarive story, not some sort of pen and paper RPG.

Not the place for that.

Another thing I noticed is the shit jokes, literal shit jokes.

Buddy, no one likes shit jokes, or mostly everybody don’t like them.

Please stop making them. First was the shit mask, and now the “Oops I farted”.

It seriously needs to stop.


Umar_Mahmood : Thankyou for your words. Just to hear anyone appreciate my writing style is a breath of fresh air. I have put a lot of work into getting better. Did you feel like you were buried in snow? Any suggestions for the stat page would be welcomed. Yes, I love a story that keeps you on your heels, then reveals those background things in pieces as you go. These are the stories I read and love. I am reading a book right now where you don’t get the main antagonist’s background until the 3rd book.

I hear what you are saying, but not all stories start with some back story---- sometimes you learn it along the way. I am sensing a lot of pushback about this approach to story telling. I believe I did an adequate job describing where the MC is and that it is their (your) home, and why you can’t go back there yet. Throughout the chapters, depending on what you say or do, you get more information about what is going on. It is a mystery. It is in Berkley where more details will be filled in over a good breakfast.

Humor is tough: I’ve noticed many IN stories do not have much humor and sometimes are very grim in tone or topic. Something I’d like to change. I’d love to be directed to some humorous stories…to see how other’s try it out. I feel like the IN concept lends itself well to have fun with humor. It does break immersion---- I will consider removing the fart joke and other’s like it. There are not many left any more. I set Humor as a character attribute----something I thought to be a very new concept. I’d like to keep it.

I’m not sure I agree with you: There are Hebi (hairy snakes) you encounter or don’t. You can catch-up with the Jangada before it wrecks, then decide what to do with it (you can even burn it later on) there are various ways to interact with Xalesdon----all reveal different pieces of information. Then there is the storm at the end of chapter 2…or no storm. Along the way certain decisions increase, or sometimes decrease, your speed, which in turn effect at which time you reach places.

Anyhow, I promised this time around I would greatly reduce my responses. I just wanted to make sure no one caught any errors---- I did. Thankyou both for the time you took to read this story. I look forward to more comments---- though they often shake the very foundation of my soul.


Well done with the rewrite – this is a lot more gripping and fun. I agree that when the dust first settles after the opening action sequence, it would be good to get a little more info on who you are and what you want. The mystery feels a little too opaque right now. And there are lots of humor styles out there less alienating than random fart references and similar toilet humor; you might consider switching to one of those as your go-to dialogue option to boost the humor stats.

But be encouraged. This is a big change in the right direction.


Some IF that are quite humorous are (at least these stories made me laugh):

-Tally ho & jolly good (same author, managed to make me laugh uncontrollably in public transport)
-The golden rose (not a comedy but certainly had some funny scenes. Will never forgot the donkey race)
-Top villain: total domination
-Not your mothers shire (WIP)
-College tennis & merry crisis (WIP’s, same author. Not comedies per se but plenty of funny dialogues and scenes are present)

I agree that shit jokes feel rather childish and may not be the best form of humour to apply.

I read the first chapter and the rewrite is most definitely a step in the right direction. I do have some qualms about the pre bronze age setting and the words you use to describe certain objects. I’m an archaeologist so it might just be professional bias, but when you write ‘knife’ people will assume it’s metal. Maybe you can write down ‘flint knife’ or something along those lines. A guitar is also unlikely, beter to make it a flute or drum et cetera.
Also when does this take place? Pre bronze age it quite broad. Are we talking about hunter gatherers or about the first farmers? If the latter, does the snow mean we’re still in an iceage or is it just winter? Because a country still affected by the iceage doesn’t really lend itself for farming.

I also feel that plunging directly into the action is a bit disorientating. Maybe we can first sit at the fire, learn where we are, and choose what we are doing. Than notice a thieve sneaking in and stealing something before we scream for Liam’s help?

I also just wanted to say that I think it quite admirably that you managed to shrug off the harsh -and often mean- replies you got on your first attempt. Good luck with your writing journey. And just a friendly reminder to other readers. It’s okay to give your opinion (they don’t need to be positive) and suggestions, but there is no reason to be rude or mean about it.


Havenstone and Nemorah,

Thankyou for your words and review.

I agree, it would be a bone knife. An easy fix.

Maybe a better term would be pre-metallurgy? Yes there would be farming, but not on Faclan. It is just very south, so naturally cold---- so no ice age. And language would be about as sophisticate as I can get away with for my sake as writer. I’m not ready to write a book where everyone grunts at each other ha ha. Oh lord you are an archaeologist! That is very cool. I never thought about the guitar…I found a Tanbur at 1500 B.C. That’s good enough for me. Tanbur it is ha ha. This is good though. You’ll have a good eye for things out of time. It is fantasy; but, I do want to make it as realistic as possible. I’m sure there are other words or terms that are out of time. A few I just took an artist’s liberty to have in there. Anyhow, if you found others, let me know. I love looking things up.

The humor…sigh…yes, I will find more sophisticated humor strategies.---- And thank you for directing me to some funny games. I will check them out.

Thank you so much for that comment. I nearly gave-up Nemorah. I had a lot of anxiety in sharing again---- Haven’t sat down much the last two days.

Instant Action: I love instant action, I really do. or, I love super slow starts. I know, it makes no sense. But, I am taking all of your advice seriously. I already started working on how to weave a little more back story and where to do it. I definitely can add a conversation or two prior to the opening sequence. And I think it would serve to strengthen the story. I am absolutely avoiding an orphaned child prologue thing. But, I haven’t addressed the MC’s parents or the social structure of Faclan. I honestly thought no one cared ha ha. You both have given me some good directions to run in. I thank you

Hey, I read your demo recently and here are some things I liked:

  • The setting! Pre-metallurgy societies are fascinating and fun to read about. I guessed right about some of the sailing things and felt proud of myself.

  • I like Liam. It was fun to banter with him and having a friend along for the adventure was really nice. (I got one riddle correct and saved a baby bird!)

  • Plus I enjoyed the ghost ship decoy. That was clever.

Like other people have said, it would be nice to have a little introduction at the beginning to put things in context. We start out in an armory … I guess? We’re guarding weapons? Underground, or maybe in a stone building … but we also have a boat?

I like the setting, but the specifics confused me a little.

Subjective advice

Consider where you want the player to be putting in the most effort. This story is described as a mystery, so what are the biggest questions you want me, the player, to be asking as it goes along?

It feels like it should be ‘who is the thief’ and ‘why did they steal that’ and ‘how do I catch them?’

But in the current version, I’m so busy putting together clues about the basic world that I don’t have time to wonder about anything else. I want to be focused on the thief, but I’m distracted by inane details like ‘if Liam is worried about leading the big ship back home, then that means we probably live somewhere near the water…right?’

I never read your original demo, but I heard about why you took it down and I really admire that you’re sticking with it. Getting feedback can be tough, especially when everyone has a different opinion on what they think you’re doing wrong.

But what you’ve done right is: I had a good time playing the demo. I like the MC, I care about Liam. I want to know what happens next and how the world works and if we ever get our stuff back.

I hope you keep going, I like this.



Thank you so much for your feedback---- and in particular the subjective feedback. I love the questions that you are asking, and, I will try and deliver on them. I have a very large scene that I have been working on all week to explain the setting a little more, and give context. I did even more research. It never stops; but, I love to learn. I am threading that large scene into the story today. I think readers will like it. It needed to be there. I need to make an official wiki for myself before I start getting confused. I am very happy that you liked the riddles. There will be more. I will post an update when I have the new scenes loaded-in. Today I have been improving the humor and removing the cheap jokes that I use when I am drunk with my friends---- acting like infants. Again, thank you so much for your insightful feedback and kind words.

I am liking it so far. A very interesting story.

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This brings me joy, thank you. It should only get better as I continue to hone my story telling. I posted some updates and goals. Chapter 3 will feel very different. There will be color, and people, and a certain vibrancy that Faclan can not offer---- not to mention great food.

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I don’t know what any of these mean

Making the reader stop reading and have to go Google stuff is probably not the smoothest way to write a story tbh


I feel like these words have a more body positive tone. I will add a parenthesis after the body-type words to define them. Easy fix. I initially had very little physical customization---- And I certainly don’t want them to disrupt the story or have a lot of them. Thank you for the feedback. I hope you kept reading.

Body Type

mesomorphic (heavy)
ectomorphic (thin)
endomorphic (muscular)

Buff, skinny, and thicc


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Hi Drewwolf. I just had a few thoughts on reading the start of your game. Please don’t feel like you have to take any of what I’m saying on board. It’s all just my opinion. I’m guessing it’s a stylistic thing, but at a guess at least part of what people have reacted badly to is the use of the “----”. It actually makes things much harder to read and I found my eye kept skipping over things if I wasn’t careful. It makes it distinctive, but I’d use it very sparingly if at all personally. Like maybe it could be used in a flashback/dream to denote that, but the rest as normal text.

IMO you’re overdescribing and wandering into purple prose territory in places, especially in the first sequence which is where you need to grab your reader. Like I get why it’s been done, and I’ve had people tell me I do this in my own work, so it’s something I try to look out for. The problem with overdescribing is it slows the pacing right down and isn’t nearly as interesting to read when there’s a bit of an info dump of it. I’d go a lot more simple. Try to use one word rather than two or three related ones where you can. I felt like there was more description than story in the first bit which left me quite uncertain what was going on (and more in a confused rather than wondering kind of way.)

For example:
"The baby cries. It lays upon the cold, stone altar. Its grey-blue, newborn eyes swelling with tears. Blubbery arms flail and jerk---- accomplishing nothing. How utterly useless they are. A nexus of need. This creature. This inefficient vessel.

If it were me, I’d perhaps halve the text to tighten it up to something more like :
“A crying child lies helplessly on the cold, stone altar. Its small, weak arms flail looking for comfort, but achieve nothing.”
(Obviously writing style comes into it here and it could be more flowery, but the more description, the harder it can be to keep the reader’s attention particularly in the opening sequence which is the hook.)

This does seem to improve further in. Like when you’re in the icefall area, there is more of a balance with speech/action and more of the essentials when describing where you are.I like the style of writing in this section better.

Particularly with reader choices go simple and very clear. There was a body choice where I had to look up google to check which were endo/meso/ectomorphs (I think you might have two mixed up BTW, aren’t endomorphs curvy I think?) You don’t want that. Players want to be able to click through quickly. You already had a second descriptor which means the same thing (I think it was like ectomorph/lean) I’d just use the second descriptor personally.

Be careful with accents. I’ve used these too but you have to be careful as they can be harder to read and turn people off. Although it feels like it should be worldbuilding, I don’t feel it is absolutely necessary here. For example I had to read "“Weh ken ketch them ef weh hurry” three times to realise they meant “We can catch them if we hurry.” That kind of thing can get wearing on your reader if overused.

On that, I’d be careful of using author made words. Sorry if I missed it (or if it is a thing I don’t know about), but I think you were referring to a knife by some of the other text (the Almakan?) in the first sequence but I didn’t recognise the word so I wasn’t sure. You can put words in a glossary (which I saw you have one which is great), but again, that’s not something I’d recommend in the intro because having to check words in the first few pages will likely turn people off. Either could just use a regular word like “dagger”, or append the word like they picked up the jade Almakan knife, or a word or two of description like they picked up the sharp bladed Almakan to help with identifying new words.

But then there’s also a little bit of a disconnect when this feels like an alien world but while there are made up words for some things, for others it is like a “green whale”. That’s where I actually would go a step up and say something more like hunting the insert name here, one of the massive, green mammals who rise from the depths on fins as longer than your boat. Or even just keep “whale” here but don’t elaborate. This would feel better than a whale in an odd colour.

Too me personally there feels like there are too many stats. Even if you want to use them, do all have to be listed? (For example does humour actually play a vital role in something you need to build? Or can it just be a background checked respond for whether you respond jokingly/seriously etc). This is a personal preference and some games do just fine with lots of stat bars (like night road), but for me it screams I’m going to be micromanaging stats which is not my cup of tea in a narrative style game like this, so if it’s not a tightly managed stat game I’d reconsider how many bars to show. It also is going to complicate things for you trying to balance that many different stats in your game and be a lot more work.

On readability, new speech should generally be on its own line.

Anyway, I know it sounds like a lot of crit there, but I’m trying to be constructive. The concept for this game is good. We really don’t have enough games that attempt world building on other planets. The setting for it is fascinating. It’s an ambitious project and could be a very good game. It just feels like the pacing and text need some tightening to move it along a bit faster and more clearly. I didn’t see the original but from comments it sounds like it has already improved. I do hope you decide to continue it or another project with your unique spin on CSGames.


Rocks fer secks and rigmarole
Shea ez the theng thet brought 'er
Et takes some tame
To grind the lame
The revers only daughter

Whet em I?

A stroke victim? /s

I want someone to tell me how they managed to figure out Waterfall without checking the code lol

Anyways, I’ll second the feeling of what you’re doing with Liam’s speech might be an artistic choice, but that artistic choices shouldn’t come at the cost of the reading experience.

The riddle there is actually a perfect example, “tame” and “lame” are both existing words, so is he saying “tame” and “lame” or “time” and “lime”?

That really shouldn’t be the type of thing the reader has to ask themselves.


Aside from that I’ll be honest, I have no clue what’s going on.

I think we came back from some trip to our village that was apparently abandoned, a thief? grabs something and an earthquake happens.

Instead of check why everyone might be gone or if there are any potential villagers around harmed by it we chase after the person and sail after them…somewhere.

Then there’s some snakes, a bird nest, some other ships, a bunch of choices off of very little info you see once and have to unravel from a riddle, then there’s this harbormaster chick and some bear king dude we apparently know and has a rock or something that’s important? Or maybe not?

Did he give it to us or did he keep it? It seems like both.

We’re now at an inn/restaurant/bar and I can decide from what I think is the Bear King’s PoV-if so it’s unmarked-about his vow of silence and I’m no closer to knowing who any of these people are, why did we ditch the village, what’s the game plan of tracking down a small vessel with no tracks on the wide ocean, what Liam’s whole curse thing was supposed to be and like…a lot of other stuff.

(Especially the village, a thief stealing something feels like it should be a B-plot to everyone we know disappearing which I’m way more invested in.)

I feel like that part is actually pretty fixable, rather than the thief appearing and chasing them, wait til after we’ve tried investigating everything since now we know that the thief is our only lead, making the entire trip much more important and trying the two plots together neatly and get some breathing room to get to know the characters and setting rather than action from the get-go.

There’s some potentially interesting world-building going on, and as part Alsakan native it’s cool seeing the Inuit themes and settings, and I feel like you could have something here, it just needs more focus rather than these sprawling choices and that the pace needs to slow-down to get a grasp on the setting and the characters so that readers can get invested in it themselves.

tl;dr: Cut off brothers toe for lulz, 10/10

Jacic and Keldin,

I take your comments into consideration. But for now I am no longer writing or working on my book. I think this forum made sure of that. This place has no room for any creative movement.

Keldin: Now you are making fun of some one with an accent as having a stroke? But God forbid I don’t include a non-binary person. I thought it would be fun to read. I read books with accents and like them. Thank you for the support with Inuit culture. Part of my goal was to have many types of cultures present. I had to modify some Inuit words as they can be very difficult to pronounce. I mean I can’t even get someone to read a scottish-like accent and not get miffed. Your response of disgust toward figuring out the words Liam is saying is just not what I expected. This is again why I am likely quitting this stupid thing. In a book this would be welcomed.

Jacic: I suppose I should just put in the word “brand”. I really think it is very clear that the Almakan is a branding tool. She is turning it around in the fire, she is waiting for it to be hot, she presses it into the babies head, the baby screams. If it were a knife, the baby would be dead and not screaming and no hot sizzling flesh. I am not sure what the trip-up is there. But if i put the word “brand” in there then there can be no question. But it is one word. Was it really that hard to understand what she was holding? And I wanted what she was doing to be slightly obscure to add to the suspense of her intent until she did it. Anyways.

Defending my writing. I am tired of it. Being made fun of. Very tired of it. This forum is just not a good place. Its not very helpful. And it is not kind like it preposes to be. Underneath that lacquer of social correctness and wokeness is a bunch of writers hating on each other’s work, trying to get everyone to write like they do, or how that one great selling title did. If I could, I would go back and never have found the COG website and get pulled into an impossible promise to be a selling author of a gamebook. I just should of written a book. Now I am stuck with nothing to show for all the hours and months putting instroke victims and stabbing babies. No I think this is just not worth it. Good luck in your writing endeavors. My guess is that you all are hitting walls also.

See ya,


I’m sorry to see you go, but may I ask what happened that caused you to think that way? It’s a very common frustration of writers here. It’s good that you announced that you are no longer working on this project. Some writers just vanish into thin air without giving their audience a clue of what happened to them, and thus they are left hanging with no sense of a resolution (literally and figuratively, to the story as well as to the author).

Regardless, you have done a great job in showcasing your work out there. That satisfaction when you’ve completed something is its own reward. I hope you continue to write, maybe just not for CoG, but somewhere more suitable.