Frontline - German Campaign [WIP]


#1

you play as a german soldier in ww2, you can choose between a tank, fighterplane, naval, infantry campaign.
i’ll try to make it as much historical as possible.

i dont really have much more to say but here is my very first real wip :slight_smile:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/121916982/web/index.html


#2

Hit an error

line 75 you put "sniper (missing a closing ")


#3

Ok thanks ill check it out


#4

Like it but please make it more descriptive and more of a background


#5

Im going to mork on it again in a couple of minutes and i dont really think you’ll need more description because its ww2


#6

You do to draw the reader on of its just slap dash it won’t be as appreciated


#7

It´s too rushed and really some description and ambientation is Needed to enter in character. Not you are german you are soldier pick your weapon… thats all the context and is sad because its a very interesting situation…


#8

Exactly


#9

Without details, it’s more of a detached chronicle as opposed to an actual story that immerses you. You definitely need description.


#10

well im sorry… this is kinda my first story and i’ll make it better giving it more introdiction but that will come towmorrow and maby this evening so dont be like
I WANT THIS AND THIS :l
so in the next update that will come most likely towmorrow ill add more story at the begin and that kinda stuff
but here is a update: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/121916982/web/index.html


#11

Well this discussion is meant for feedback, after all.


#12

Can u show you my first story it’s might give you a little idea?


#13

@P0RT3R

They weren’t saying your story wasn’t good, but it was a bit bare bones and could do with a bit of padding.

Its the difference between.

Porter used his void power to kill the target

and

Porter stepped back into the void to avoid the man’s shotgun blast, appearing behind the target moments before shooting him in the back of the head. Dropping the gun, Porter vanishes before it even hits the floor…


#14

It just makes it a bit more intriguing that’s all O:-)


#15

Like in my gamebook, I could say

“You bind the witch with your chain”

but I said

"You unravel your silver chain from around your waist, and as the brutish assassin charges forth into the optimal proximity, you flick your wrist, curving your hand to the side while splaying your fingers outward, sending the chain leaping, undulant through the air, winking in the sunlight. Fear flickers in the witch’s beady eyes, and she surges forth with an astounding burst of energy, swinging her mace into the oncoming chain with a cacophony of clangs. Sparks leap into the air as the metals collide, and the loops of the chain travel up the mace and onto the haggard assassin’s arms, effectively paralyzing them and binding them together.

The witch emits a husky bellow of anger, and struggles against the chain’s paralytic affects, though her attempts are futile. You stride forward to confront your opponent head on as she barrels towards you to trample you down. Just as impact is imminent, you side step the assassin’s oncoming shoulder barrage while simultaneously slashing your blade across her neck, killing her instantaneously. The hag plummets to the ground, blood flowing copiously from her open wounds, and skids across the dirt. You quickly turn to confront the other aggressor, but are elated to see that Beckham has halted her advance, sinking his fangs deep into her ankle. The witch shrieks in pain and swivels around to strike him, her jagged nails dancing with crimson flame, but he deftly maneuvers out of her reach. You rush to strike her down, but she raises her hands and emits a powerful blast of heated air.

You are sent careening through the air, your skin instantaneously sun burnt and your hair singed. You plummet to the ground with an audible thud, and as you stagger to your feet, the assassin surges forward, swinging her jagged nails at your neck, but falters as her movements expatiate the wound on her ankle. Consequently, her nails merely graze your cheek, though the lacerations still seer with white hot pain. You gasp and stagger backward, but react swiftly, stabbing your staff through the air. The blade of your staff peforates the assassin’s chest, killing her instantaneously."


#16

Yeah but its the first time im writing a story and since im 13 and english isnt my main language its pretty hard but ill try and start doing it once your training is over


#17

@PORT3R
Ohhh…well I can definitely understand, then. I think it’s awesome that you’re trying your hand at being an author at such a young age, though!


#18

Am 13 tooo


#19

1/8/2000


#20

Try this out porter

I wrote it

Hope you like it and get an little understanding

Quite short but hey

And I think your English is brilliant saying that it isn’t your first language

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/128296360/Dark/mygame/index.html