I just got EEEEVILLL idea. @malinryden
Wi ll it be possible to take our Puppet SUPPOSEDLY HOSTAGE hostage ? or use the Ortega relation to the puppet ?(i mean having the puppet suddenly disapear while having my real body proclaim i had kidnapped her as hostage, or outright hold gun to her head ?) i think that would be effective tactcs and I plan to go Full " Doing what needs to be done no matter the cost" with my MC and i will try to have my MC do questionable things while still avoiding Unnecesary collateal damage.
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I was hoping to be able to make it seem that the mc was taken hostage.
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Iâm extremely surprised. No one went for the obvious?
For all your washed up hero needs!
Mad World cover - Jasmine Thompson
Everyday Superhero - Smash Mouth
When agreeing to help out Ortega. Itâs so hilariously out of place, but I just hear that going on in my head the entire time weâre getting ready to go to the HQ.
Miracle of Sound - A Dogâs Life
Itâs a little bit of a stretch, but everytime weâre off villain-ing to get our suit, I keep hearing this in the background. In the radio of the Villan!Bar, the faint beat as weâre getting the rat-king matrix, as weâre talking to the Doc. Itâs almost like Cynthiaâs on the fence between just being committed and going full-out fangs-out, if that makes any sense.
Archive - Bullets
For the upcoming fight. Itâs a bit difficult to put the reasoning for why it keeps popping up into words. Itâs almost like a madness mantra, something we keep clinging to when weâre not entirely sure about anything but one truth.
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So I just wanted to pop my head in and say that I adore the game youâre making here. Making someone feel emotionally invested in a character takes true skill and Iâm always a sucker for characters that weâre made to pity or who strike a deep emotional cord within us- and thatâs not easy to do but youâve done so flawlessly and I just sat there in shock and awe at how well youâve written this. I think youâre writing style fits the story very well also, you write very eloquently (such as the very beginning fight scene, the way you describe the bridal store is beautiful- almost like at the beginning of a movie when you see the hero, or in this case âheroâ, falling in slow motion. Also the way you transition between the flashbacks and the present perspective, the fact that you write the flashbacks in present perspective adds to this sense of blurring between the past and present. It makes the reader feel even more connected with the MC because neither they nor the MC are fully aware of the past and present. Itâs an amazing effect and I applaud you for it.)
And you write the psychology of the MC extremely well in addition. They donât come across as trivial, as an attempt at vaguely making someone who isnât one-hundred-percent, instead itâs easy to read them as someone whoâs both realistic and also not one-hundred-percent. Itâs not trivial, and it doesnât seem like a âcutesy nicheâ, but an actual person who really is struggling and finding their own way with those struggles (be it because they canât see any other way or because this is the path they want to go down.)
Even the side characters are fantastic (especially Ortega, I love OrtegaâŚ)
I could go on⌠but this rambling is getting a little long so Iâll cut myself off.
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/scritches chin/ I think those errors you pointed out are actually fine? âYouâ is acting like a pronoun so in the same way you wouldnât capitalize it if it were swapped out with he, she, or they, âyouâ being in lowercase seems to be correct since both of the instances you mention are plopped between two bits of dialogue.
Example: [âWhat,â he says, â's there someone on my face?â] works in the same way [âWhat,â you say, â's there something on my face?â]
Really? Huh, Iâd always been told you had to capitalize what came after the end of a quotation mark- even if it worked as a pronoun. Learn something new everyday, I suppose.
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I live for people sharing music about their MCâs :))
TL;DR ahead:
Havenât organised it yet but here are some songs that I associate my MC with (itâs pretty scattered and doesnât quite work as a mini track thing but oh well):
About her in general:
About her and Ortega (because headcanonly I ship them as of now):
Whenever MC is alone with her thoughts:
If MC and Ortega have to fight to the death:
also possibly this especially when MC and Ortega go off to kick butt
Ohhh I love this! Itâs really amazing c: love the narrative and writing style! Keep up the amazing work!
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Love this game so far itâs good
This is a really interesting concept and Iâm excited to read more.
Im weak for the tortured hero/villain/antihero narrative, then you also have themes of identity and self-loathing and loss and loneliness, im hooked! iâd also say that you handled the squicky parts fairly well, stuff like body possession and mind reading/control are touchy subjects but seeing as this is told from the eyes of a self-styled villain it only makes sense that they dont even consider it to be a problem. i would expect one of our heroes will be pointing this out in the future, much to the guilt (or not) of our MC?
I love the idea for the setting and I want to know more about it, this idea of an almost post apocalyptic [wild] west coast is great and iâd love to see more interaction to establish the setting, bc aside from the introductory blurb there doesnt really seem to be much mention of it.
Im also wondering, whatâs the timeline in all this? itâs mentioned that the Heartbreak Incident went down about ten years ago or so i believe but later i think MC mentions something like âive been living like this for two yearsâ ?? seems like some very dire things mustve gone down during that timeskip⌠What couldve happened for MC to be so convinced that being a villain is the only way to get by? It tears on the heartstrings bc i feel (at least w my character) that sheâs so desperately lonely but simultaneously too scared to get closer to anyone so she either holds them at arms length or in Ortegaâs case, fools herself into thinking âok iâll get closer but this is just for the grand planâ but its actually bc she wants to be closer in a way that she believes her true self canât. 
Have to admit im kindof torn in the way that MCâs past being unknown makes for a good mystery, but at the same time itâs hard to form motivation or make decisions when we dont know what drove MC to this point. When replaying i noticed that we can get stronger hints of the past with some choices more than others. i cant decide if thats a good or bad thing tbh⌠bc:
âDo you even know how many people died in the surrounding buildings because someone decided that we needed to go in and put a stop to it in person? They should have bombed the damn thing to hell, because then at least the casualties would have been limited and I wouldnât have to live with that feeling in my head. I tried to kill myself to get it out, and that wasnât even the worst because I could feel the rest of them as well, screaming inside. It hurt, alright? It hurt a lot and I am never doing that again. I wonât. I canât.â
Now that right there is the kind of backstory info thats still mysterious and yet clear enough to get a handle on whatâs going on in MCâs head. i just wish we might be able to get similar insight even if we dont take this branch. What iâd like to see is if maybe you could add a few motivation type choices that also give a little hint as to why MC feels this way, something that still doesnt outright reveal why they have such a problem with heroes but gives a hint, ex. âthe heroes were weak and im never going to be weak again / the heroes were weak and im going to punish them for itâ etc.
I really like the MC and their inner conflict but it does feel like youre forced into always playing the same character. I mean honestly im fine with it bc its not my cup of tea to play this character as the no-regrets type super-villain but the setup sounds as if you have a choice in how wholeheartedly you play the villain role, but no matter the choices we pick, we still see the regretful/conflicted inner monologue. maybe a way this could be fixed is if the premise is more âyou are an ex- smalltime hero who bc of a traumatic past plans to turn super villain but you begin to doubt yourself when certain events unfold, now you must decide whether to listen to your conscience or go through with your planâ rather than âyou start out a villain and you have to decide if youre going to think about redemption or notâ. bc rn we have no input on thinking about it; MC often feels guilty no matter what. (i guess im nitpicking here but the description makes it a bit misleading that way imo!)
Another thing i noticed re: railroading, when earlier we had the choice on how we feel about losing telepathy while in the dollâs body, later my MC thought to herself that it was nice to have a break from the chaos, when earlier i had taken the choice that losing telepathy was unnerving. (this actually works for my character bc telepathy is her way of feeling powerful and in control so thats what she tells herself but deep down all she wants is for peace and to be normal 
) however the âunrelenting evil pathâ MCs might not feel the same way.
One more thing i have to add⌠Ortega is a sweetheart & i love them, but it seems the other characters are a bit neglected, iâd also like to know more about them too⌠Why does Steelâs grudge with MC feel so personal? Why does MCâs grudge with Herald feel so personal? (altho i do have a theory that MC resents Herald for having a perfect happy life w Argent and friends while MC rots in loneliness )
maybe a scene or two with Rosie/Bo or maybe Ortega trying to get the gang back together etc that would make for some great interactions, a way to learn more about the characters, and more drama ofc 
From reading the earlier replies tho now im seeing that maybe weâll get this stuff later ?? bc im quite surprised that the grand reveal of MCâs new identity is only the storyâs half way point !? i almost thought that would be the grand finale, and our identity as the doll would also be revealed then⌠but it seems thats not actually the case?? very curious for what happens next!!
One final thing, i think the beginning scene was done very well, I immediately understood that we as the MC were in someone elseâs body so kudos for that! What i didnt get tho, is why we were being attacked and by who. Im guessing now that after possessing Argent and using her to get the box we were then caught by Herald who decided to start fighting? The confusion could be cleared up by starting at an earlier point in the story, but then again the opening crash is a great dramatic entrance so i can understand if you might not want to change it Maybe instead add a line or so ex. âit had been going so well but Herald just had to notice something was off etcâŚâ or after knocking him out and before the kick/dont kick choice âyoure tempted to kick him since it was his fault this got so messyâ etcâŚ
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You have a lot of good points and Iâll leave most of them to the author to answer, but I might be able to shed light on one area.
Itâs never stated but heavily implied that mc was held against their will after the Heartbreak Incident. The clues seem to indicate we were being tested on along with several others. My guess (which is just a guess) is that we were part of a government program similar to the one that creates the agents we unleash on the Psychopather. This could explain not only our vendetta against the system, but also why we might be distrustful of people like Steel who may or may not have had clearance to know about said programs.
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@LckyLrkr - Thank you for your thoughtful comments, I will do my best to answer them!
More setting? There is a reason why I have been vague, and that is that I have still been working on the details while I write this. For people who have been checking this from the start, you might have noticed some things being removed or changed, while others have been added. Exposition is one of the easiest things to add, and I plan to add and adjust a lot of the beginning for that once I am done with it. I am just hesitant to put effort into it whole it is still in flux. The same with the timeline, I have one, but it has changed three times already so who knows what it will end up being.
More MC background? While I am keeping certain parts of it under wraps for suspense reasons, there has already been added some more background (the Heartbreak bits werenât there at the start), and more will be added. But, it is a conscious choice on my part not to let the player know the truth of why they are making the choices until after they have made them. I want you to act on the MCâs feelings on the matter, not necessarily the factual truth. After all, the MC has their own views, which may or may not be what actually went down. Going a little Kagemusha here.
Morals of mind control. Yeah, the MC can be played as more or less of a bad guy but what they do is essentially very unethical. They are a villain after all, and if people find out the truth it wonât be pretty.
MC inner conflict. Youâre right. And you say it very well. I didnât put that much thought into the description, writing summaries is among the things I hate the most. Because as you say, the MC doesnât start out a villain, this is their attempt of trying to turn themselves into one. Also, that is a damn perfect description. Since this is based on a book I wrote, I guess I have an easier time varying events and choices than the inner voice of the character.
Loss of telepathy. Good spotting! Thatâs an inconsistency, thereâs probably a lot of them in there.
Other characters. I am actually writing a scene right now where you (if you have picked the right choices) will learn a lot about Dr. Mortum and/or Argent and Herald. I also plan more flashback scenes, which will flesh out Steel a bit. He gets a lot more playtime once the show is on the road. Same with Rosie/Bo.
Beginning: Good suggestion! I will put that in.
Background reveal based on choices: I do that a lot. Partly because of replay value, and party because I feel that it add to the character. For example, the scene I am working on now (the big reveal) will be very different depending on whether you went to the Gala alone, with Ortega or with Dr. Mortum. In the first case, you will get more information about yourself and how you see the world since you are a loner, with the other two you will get options to get a lot more personal information (yes kisses included) if you play your cards right. Thereâs no way of playing the game the right way to get all the information.
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Looking forward to Ortega and being evil and the flashbacks and the KISSING 
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I almost had a heart attack, I though this wip was dead because for some reason it didnât show up on the main work in progress page. Anyway im glad to see it alive and kicking. Canât wait for the next update. This is my favourite wip so far.
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Question!
What about those of us who are planning to go alone because weâd rather Ortega develop more of a relationship with the actual us, and not the doll?
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If you go alone, there will not be a deeper relationship with the puppet (which is what you want), but there is also an option when going with the puppet that lets you try to figure out who Ortega really prefers, and try to influence their affections.
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Oh god, that means I can finally let out the green-eyed monster my MC really is!
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⌠Some part of me is tempted to do that now but then⌠My headcanon MC might be all âNO SHEâS MINE and my DOLL IS NOT ALLOWED.â
Ugh iâm insane.
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Yes I was craving this!!!
Itâs basically hey Ortega who do you like Me or Me
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