Same dude. It was self defence so it wasn’t really your fault
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I know magic is nearly extinct in this setting and that only some people such as royals and high-ranking military know the existence of magic, but will the Mc be able to use some form of it later in the story?
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It would be interesting to see the mc’s reputation with magic usage since in a world where magic is almost extinct, a person wielding magic who is not a royalty nor a high ranking member would most likely be sought after and hunted by monsters and humans alike. I’m guessing there is a way to harness other people’s magic right? Or maybe sold to slavery etc
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Thank you for answering my question. I’m wondering have you ever thought of making a Tumblr blog or a discord channel for the story later on?
I don’t want to spoil anything, but let’s say many things are bound to happen somewhere down the line that’ll change the usual order of things.
Yes, I plan on making a Tumblr blog. It’ll be released with the next update. The Discord server is in question because I doubt I would be able to maintain it. But everything can happen, so we’ll see.
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The prologue is great so far.
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Im really surprised with how many new WIPs there are rn In a good way. I dont know if its always been like this and i just haven’t been looking but i swear a dozen new ones pop up everyday. Also amazed by the quality of them given how new they are.
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Alright I like this a lot, but my only nitpick is that the interlude is in in a really awkward place. I’m a guy that just woke up without any memories, to an old man and his son, both of which trying to kill me for no discernable reason. I kinda think that the interlude could be placed after the event. To me at least, it interrupts the flow.
Like, MC wakes up. “Who/what/where am I” and all that jazz, and we’re immediately thrown into danger. Old man asks “Who are you?” And then we start following a different event in the middle of the introduction.
Given, my attention was split as I read this so I may have to read it again to comprehend it all, but it does seem odd to interrupt it. But it’s ultimately your choice, this WIP has a lot of potential.
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Yeah overall the prologue is great but the random POV shift just left me confused. Id propose putting the interlude somewhere after giving us some info on who we are and the world around us. But at the end of the day its your story and you know it best.
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I am so excited for this! Good luck on your coding/writing journey!
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Thank you for your kind words, people! I really appreciate it. Glad everything’s to your liking at this point.
Regarding the POV shift: Yeah, I can get behind it being confusing and sudden. But, what I wanted to achieve is to create a… how can I call it… a mini cliffhanger? Right when Burchard starts to act weird, and the protagonist wonders about it, I decided to insert an interlude. Yes, it interrupts the flow. Yes, you didn’t even get to figure out where you are and who this damn guy is. The player got somewhat lost - but the MC is lost too. They’re kind of even at this point (… yeah, maybe that’s not how the immersion works). And I wanted to give you some tension and thrill - that’s the point of the cliffhanger. Maybe it didn’t turn out as I wanted it to.
Another thing I wanted to achieve with the POV shift is to align some events that are happening at the same time. I plan on connecting all three POVs in the next update, so there’ll be just one more interlude.
Oh, and I kinda just… felt like making an interlude cause I like them. But I saw some boring POV shifts too, so I’ll try to make them interesting at least.
So, please, bear with me.
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Its a good idea that you should stick with. But I don’t think it being a “interlude” is the best way to go about it. Having an interlude in the middle of the prologue will confuse and interrupt the readers experience.
Personally I would remove the interlude title card and change the page turn on the image below to something like “Elsewhere in the storm” then shift the perspective.
Also I am not sure what you mean by “living mystery” just “you, girl, are a mystery” sounds better to me.
This part also doesn’t quite flow right,
The prayer itself is good but using “the likes of which” implies a large passage of time rather than just a few moments ago. I would change it to something like “His prayer is interrupted by loud, raspy coughs. Much like those you heard moments ago.”
Just a few things I picked up on as an Anglo. Its an interesting WIP and I look forward to seeing more.
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Hello, and thanks for the feedback! It’s good for me to hear that you’re interested.
I can see your point - having a whole different page with an Interlude written in it does seem to interrupt the dynamic I wanted to achieve. Considering that there’ll be more of these POV shifts, I think I should resort to replacing it with a neat line on the top of the page (like I did with the second POV shift). Because even more people will get confused If I write it on the page_break button.
I’ll change those lines in the next update. I want to make my wording less awkward to further improve the immersion aspect, so I’m grateful that you’ve shared your findings with me!
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Yeah that’s one of those things that you don’t really think about until you start writing. I’m writing on my own WIP at the moment and finding the right words that fit the context of the story without sounding off is a challenge.
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Damn. That was honestly great. Good job on handling the dark, gritty atmosphere that actually had me worried for the mc for a sec. But then i realized he was him when he tanked a knife through his arm lol.
Also, any chance of playing someone even resembling Guts is a must play for me lol.
So yea all in all great half of the prologue and Im hyped to play the world you’ve created!
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I found the writing really good Nothing really stood out as awkward to me maybe thats just me tho Good luck on the wip.
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Have to say that i liked what i have seen so far, besides of course the interlude, i feel it was done on the wrong time maybe…
Also to have the possibility of playing as Guts like char is always a bonus, but, having the option to not play like him all the time is also another good thing.
One last thing, if u do make the book a souls like game, please, let us have the option to use cheats xD
I’m not a huge fan of the genre, but, i have tried really hard to play Dark souls 2, Mortal Shell and Code Vein, but, its a no no for me on solo
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Honestly a cheat mod would probably be too much for this type of game, i’d rather like an option to disable hard combat checks or to lower the checks but a cheat mode that gives you basically everything is just not for me. I’d rather read the story as intended but decisions comes down to the author and whatever he do with the IF is up to him, cheat mode or not i will still read it lol
I do hope you’ll focus on giving news and updates in the tumblr page rather than answering RO questions (sorry for other IF authors out there but it’s getting pretty annoying seeing the whole ro QnA shenanigans and seeing less and less updates every month/year) or at the very least give some more insight (see what i did there) on the setting and world rather than answering the same questions over and over again. Also what about patreon? I’d like to support you in the future if it’s possible
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