She always is 
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Why not have a 15 minute charming competition between u guys and settle this once and for all. Who charms the most within 15 minutes
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Oh I wouldn’t no how to compete with her bold country straightforwardness, I’m just a innocent well meaning city girl 
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Good country girls don’t compete … besides, honestly, we are a team and to turn against each other would only make @ParrotWatcher AND @idonotlikeusernames more adventurous
We have to be good examples for everyone to admire and follow.
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Well I think opposites attract each other. In ur case u are an innocent person who are really rare in this world. So I think u can charm a lot of people. As for @Eiwynn she is honest and sweet who are equally rare. So this battle will be a close one till the end. Pay-per-view style 
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Oh, the camaraderie pushes me to tears 
Join the dark side! Cookies abound!
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sigh
And the helicopter remains unnoticed, unloved, and ignored…
Such is the life of an apache attack helicopter. People only want you when they want to retreat or want you to be an instrument of war.
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Well I posted the first piece of the game and nervously await hearing what you all think of it, there is still some stuff that I want to add to what’s currently there but I wanted to get feedback on what I have so far just in case I had to do massive rewrites.
Oh and keep in mind I haven’t been getting much sleep for the last couple weeks and I’m sure it’s reflected in the writing
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Found a small bug:
“It wasn’t long before the palace was once again rejoicing over the tidings that the Empress was once again pregnant, had just turned 3 and you were going to become a big .”
Should be “sister”, in my case, and should be You had just turned 3
Also some pronoun mixup here:
“!her’s right, it’s time.” She moans as your father jumps quickly to his feet and helps her up. “Watch over Marietta until the nanny can come and fetch she.”
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Thank you! All fixed, perfect example of my lack of sleep brain deadness…
There was this line that said:
You dressed up in your , flanked by…
There’s just the blank space, no further details. But then again at that part I remember we hadn’t chosen our outfit yet, so you might want to rephrase?
It’s good so far, but you might wanna break the text down with page breaks and adjust some phrases, because like in the above case, the variable probably hasn’t been given a value yet.
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I’d agree with the page breaks - you could definitely do with one in between the description of your room and the 8th birthday line, it’s very long all together, especially on mobile!
I’m guessing you’re missing an asterisk here:
set hilt “spear” "An excellent choice!
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Fixed that too
As for page breaks and chapter headings and such I didn’t really focus on them yet since I wanted to get feedback on the story and mechanics before I polish it up.
Story itself is good! Also just a note, when selecting our hair/eye/skin color etc you might wanna put ellipses instead of cutting off the paragraphs. In my personal opinion, it just feels like a more natural transition.
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It’s a nice start! 
The only thing I can really say is to maybe detail things a bit more? Going into a bit more of what you do in day-to-day life, and being a bit more specific on the descriptions of surroundings could help set the scene a bit. For example (and this may just be my fascination with historical fashion so take with pinch of salt 
) what do these wonderful clothes we have actually look like? Are we talking corsets and crinolines? Panniers? Something more streamlined?
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Well the clothing I am actually working on something for, but I haven’t figured out exactly how to code it yet in order for it to work right.
YAY!! XD
btw lizzy, before i playtest it, should i take note for typo and the like, or you just need an opinion of the story for now?
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I haven’t finished testing yet, but I’ll continue in the morning with full report. It’s 1:24am I think I’m about to pass out 
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First of all, congratulations on getting this first part out. It’s too short to say much about the story, but it looks good so far. I’m afraid the rest of the post will be a little critical, though. (Sorry ;P)
I’m a little worried that the opening page feels a little infodumpy… It’s great (obviously) that the kingdom is accepting of all orientations, but it feels unnatural to just put it in the first page, especially when the story itself doesn’t seem to be directly related to it.
Here in the midst of the botanical spender you father knelt down to unpack the intimate picnic lunch that the cooks had prepared for you.
“splendour”? (Or “splendor” if you want to be American about it. 
)
As your 8th birthday loomed near
This should probably either be a complete sentence or end in an ellipsis (…).
Your father had sent word that today you were to meet your new teacher he was supposed to be a mage of rather exceptional abilities, at least that’s what your father had explained when he had first told you that he had hired an instructor to help you learn to control your magic.
This sentence could be cut into three, or at least two. As it is, it feels disjointed. (This also happens in several other places.)
Today however there was an eerie silence that premiated the barracks yard and only helped to intensify the stillness.
“permeated”
set hilt “spear”
I think you’re missing an asterisk. 
And most importantly: Where are the cute (gay) boys!?
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