Reader discretion is advised: This story may contain themes that could cause discomfort. Even if the concept intrigues you, please prioritize your well-being.
Content warnings include (but are not limited to): drug use, vampirism, alcoholism, smoking, death, gore, beheading, foul language, explicit sexual content, and more.
Please note: Updates will be sporadic, so I won’t commit to a fixed timeline. NSFW asks are welcome, but they may take time to draft properly.
Death was only the beginning.
You died with your reputation in shambles, brought down by false accusations at the hands of the man you had molded with your very own hands. But fate gave you a second chance. Your soul was torn from your body, only to be transmigrated into the body of Shamrock’s #1 bestselling author—someone who had witnessed the murder of a drug lord’s son and was placed into witness protection.
After receiving a call that their father had been gunned down by unknown assailants, the original host had no choice but to break protocol and leave Shamrock in secret, just to return to the place they swore they wouldn’t return to. But that was the starting point of all the things to go wrong—because after getting off the plane, they were mercilessly murdered in cold blood.
And that’s when you opened your eyes.
This story is romance-based. Mature audience only.
What happens when love enters the picture—but you don’t know if they’re falling for you, or the face you wear?
You can do everything in your power to stop the events of the original timeline from unfolding. Change the course. Rewrite fate. Avoid the doom that awaits you.
But remember—no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot outrun destiny.
It’s far too short for anyone to give you honest feedback at this point but I did notice a mistake that when you’re picking your name, the option to put in your first and last name has the word “surname” in it.
also going down the line might be important to have saves,
How to add saving
make sure you to put this in startup(at the bottom)
sm_init nameofgamehere | number of save slots here
so in your case
*sm_init kindredspirits | 5
and tick this on dashingdon
put *comment before the *sm_init kindredspirits | 5 for when you are playtesting the code, and then remove it whenever you’re going to upload the files to dashingdon and repeat
Just the introduction chapter. (Prologue and typical me). Not a mistake. The mc changed their surname after getting kicked out of their father’s house. Thanks for reading.
Just wow you pick my interest I’m not really into romance like this but wow I would not see a man like that in my life I would actually laugh if my father was that type of Brute and he passed away like that I just want to see how this will go out you just picked my interest
Since this is a relatively short demo I’ll keep many things in mind while writing this early on review.
Admiration: I feel it’s still far too early in the story to say what is admirable, but the writing is quite nice, if a bit rushed so to speak.
Problems: First and foremost, the stat screen doesn’t work nor are there saves, as others have said before. The relative importance at the moment I see can get lost but should be implemented later down the line.
Critics: The story just feels lacking so far. The war isn’t clear though context clues could probably say it’s a gang war between two different mobs by the death of one family’s son. The witness protection aspect upon seeing the death of the mobs son doesn’t really make sense if we don’t know who died. Was it the Romanos family son? Was it their lifetime rival the Giottas? Some more backstory to the events would be nice. The same can be said about the abusive father, why was he the way he was? Was he a poor laborer who beat their child in anger and drank away his savings? A rich man who felt no love for his child so beat them out of spite? Raging alcoholic turned abusive or a psychopath? Just some more back story would be greatly appreciative.
The demo is pretty short, so I don’t have too much feedback, but I will say tagging “dirty diapers” in the tags made my laugh.
One thing I think would improve it so far is I think signaling to the audience that the first surname choice wasn’t your current surname as I was a bit confused why it asked me twice, especially since both of them had the option of entering in a new one.
The witness protection scene will be the opening of Chapter 1. I intentionally didn’t include it in the prologue, as a prologue should be a brief introduction, like the opening of a grand speech. The two families at war are the Perez family and another family, which will remain unnamed for now to avoid spoilers. The underworld knows them, but they’re like the boogeyman - a feared and mysterious presence. As the story unfolds, we’ll explore how your introverted main character became entangled in this conflict. The abusive father’s backstory will be revealed through flashbacks. With a story spanning over half a million words, it’s impossible to include all the details in the first 1000 words. The less we know at the beginning, the better.
Your observation skills are top-notch! Consider this: when you watch a movie trailer on YouTube, it often reveals too much of the plot, including the starting point and the entire storyline. In such cases, do you still feel inclined to watch the movie, even though you already know what’s going to happen?
Yes, while I haven’t ruled out the possibility of adding another romantic option (RO) in the future, I believe that having an RO who doesn’t contribute to the story in any way is unnecessary. That’s why I’ve limited the ROs to just two, Calendre and Massimo, who are both crucial to the plot.
It wasn’t possible to make Massimo gender-selectable, as certain character traits and his family dynamics wouldn’t allow for it. Coming from a patriarchal family, Massimo’s father believed in the importance of male heirs, saying, ‘Men carry on the bloodline, while women are used as sacrificial lambs to pave the way for male heirs.’ He lived a long, healthy life, with 170 wives and 200 children. May he rest in peace.
Unfortunately, there really isn’t much I can say that could work as meaningful feedback, considering how short the demo is right now. However, the premise seems interesting enough that I’ll play it again and try to offer worthwhile thoughts and opinions, once there’s more to go off of.
