This game is awesome! I’ve played it many times Havenstone, you’ve done a great work so far and I hope you’ll finish the game!!!
I’ve noted a few errors, in addition to the ones mentioned by WinterHawk.
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there’s a scene in the beginning where Ecclesiast Olynna calls the MC “Kurios” and not
“Kuria” (I pray the same prayer for them that I do for your House, kurios) before I’ve selected the gender, although I might choose to be female later. -
The description of character’s clothes on several occasions (The running helot in one of the openings, Kalt/Kala) mentiones their “tunic”. This is a Latin term and I think it would be better to call it “Chiton” or “Exomis” as your world is greek-inspired.
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The choice of surnames names includes only two choices for a helot’s surname, a Karagond name and a Shayardene traditional name, I think there should be more. Especially the “old Shayard names” are both french-style (de Eramant and de Serin), you definitely should add at least one more Saxon-styled name
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The execution of Ester Cabel: The story says she was “Harrowed and quartered”, I guess this should be a refrence to hanged drawn and quartered, the old british punishment for rebels (though women were burned instead), but the drawing and quartering were an aggreviation to the usual hanging in order to torture the victim while keeping it still alive, but in your world Harrowing is already the usual way of execution and as far as I understand the quartering would have be done to an already dead body. Therefore, It doesn’t make much sence to quarter somebody, unless their religion says that desacration of the body and denial of a proper burial provies suffering in afterlife.
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If I don’t stop the harrowing at the first occasion, Elery Skinner gets harrowed, there should be apossibility to intervene and save her.
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In the raid on the Alsator garrisons, Zvad still calls me Kurios even if I chose not to do so or have forskaen the noble privileges.
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When I played for the first time I’ve had the option to make a raid and destroy the harrowers, but I didn’t have this option during the replays
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I’ve noticed that you don’t use greek letters for the terms (not even in the world index). That’s strange, as it would add a feeling to the game’s world “Choice of the Vampire” features greek letters, so it must be possible to put them in here as well.
I hope when you’re back from Nepal in May you’ll continue working on this wonderful game!