Bright Fear, A Scary Short Story


#1

I wrote a somewhat scary short story on choicescript, tell me what you think.
https://dl.dropbox.com/u/80993229/game%202/index.html


#2

Its short and its…short. not much there but could be turned into something. While short is not always bad there is just no real content to the story. Even flash fic gives a broad picutre to a very short story. Of course this just ny two cent take with a grain of salt.


#3

It’s not really done yet…


#4

I encourage you to keep at it, there are some aspects that could develop into something really chilling


#5

Good base but as far as I know nothing scary yet


#6

I read it and, it’s sortof forcing you to choose specific options. I tried several times before i got the right ending, and several times after that to test it, and there seemed to be only one specific ending (that only occurs if you choose specific choices) that looks like it could advance the story. For example,
***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***
If you choose not to babysit the (what sounds like a milf’s) kids, then you simply die. I mean i guess it makes sense since its basically telling you “Hey if u dont wanna take the time outa your life to help out this milf then you die”…or more along the lines of “Hey bro play the story or die. Ur choice bro ^.^”
***UNWARNING: SPOILERS OVER***
Now, i’m not saying this bcuz im a h8er or that i can write better than you (probably cant, havent tried my hand at choicescript yet cuz my computer is being all like “ey bro i kno u just turned me on but im gonna make u restart me anyways cuz im forcing u to restart me to an earlier date” so i dont want to start a choicescript, have my computer do that, then lose all my progress), but thats not to say i’m not a writer. I’ve writtin some short stories.
Honestly, it looks like it does have potential. However, before you move on from this chapter, i think you should consider 2 things: before this chapter, have a “character building” chapter. Such as how much your character believes in paranormal things, how tough/wimpy your character is, and how high the character’s mental health is. Also, a few more choices would be nice.
The writing is also very clever at parts.

Overall, it is good!


#7

I kind of scraped this project, it’s not my main priority to complete it, hence the simple storyline and coding, I still work on expanding it on my free time though.


#8

Great so far. I encourage you to finish this game. Don’t rush.


#9

i can’t play it


#10

Its dead guys