@Prof_Chaos That is correct sorry for the late reply altho thank you @Runbunnyrun for answering it.
Minor update:
The storms are back and a tornado touched back down a few cities over, I’m safe but we woke up to no power. The whole town is out because a main grid was hit I haven’t even checked to see if my laptop will power on since it was plugged in (but it was connected to a surge protector so it should be fine) not sure how long I will be without power-
As I say this my power turns back on! Woohoo lol -
Side note: I am finally getting antibiotics tomorrow so that’s awesome, finally had caved and went to the doctors to see what was wrong and she had no clue what it was but hopefully this medicine will clear up the leftover symptoms
And power went out again I jinxed it guys.
Sorry this isn’t a story update but I’m not sure if this will affect when i update it or not. I’ve been having doubts lately about writing and sometimes when i look over the story itself I’m not really satisfied with how its playing out. I’m trying not to just say screw it and completely rewrite the beginning
So I forgot to let you guys know my power came back on finally two hours later, during that time another storm blew over us so that was lovely.
May was not a good month for me, I don’t do well in thunderstorms at all and between those and the tornados/flash flood warnings, literally, every day for a week didn’t do my anxiety any good nor did the doctor visit. It did make me realize though that I haven’t been satisfied with the way this story has been panning out and I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently for this big update that I promised and it will add around 20,000 if not more to the total word count.
The scene with C being the largest part of it due to the fact it adds a new character to meet(Sorry he’s not romanceable) and the choice where you can choose a weapon. That will be added to the new version I am currently re-writing instead. It’s hopefully going to flow better for you guys as well and I’m working on cutting down more on the scenes that still feel too awkward/abrupt in the transitions.
I’ll be posting weekly updates on Sat/Sun probably mainly on tumblr on how the rewrite is going currently I’m already at around 10,000/43,641 not including the part mentioned above I’m trying not to do a WC on it since I’m still adding more to it as I do the rewrite. I also managed to do the coding for the side stories and started on one of the paths for Luca’s story I just have to test the coding to make sure it’s going to work correctly under randomtest/quicktest.
As of right now here is the following that is changing so you can have an idea:
The very beginning, instead of the drive home the story starts off with the MC reliving their worst memory and the first choice is where you pick your fear.
Adding morality and sanity stats and they both are going to play heavily into the plot and affect the ending. There will be some morally questionable choices here and there especially at major plot points.
I cut out Aello/Astraphobia he will still play a part in the series but if enough people prefer him over Soleil (They have somewhat similar personalities at the moment IMHO) I can easily swap them out.
I’m cutting out the exact height option, its kind of pointless it feels like when coding since I end up preferring to use short/average/tall height when writing interactions with the RO’s (yes they do affect scenes with the RO’s)
I’m sort of taking away the school setting, instead of the MC taking classes they will focus more on the fact of the primeval sharing their soul. The MC will take a year off (reflected in the re-write) but I will still try to keep in the option of the degree since it helps build stats. Instead of classes the MC can influence their friends decisions while they attend. Mainly it’s Luca and how he acclimates to the whole supernatural world.
cont point from above: I was honestly struggling with classes to stand out other than beast taming, I may add back the school optin for the MC in book 2 depending on feedback on 1.
Did you want to freak out like Luca does during the gas station scene? Well now it will be an option! and it will affect your Sanity stat.
Morality will affect your bond stat and certain relationships if you stray too far to a certain alignment
Currently debating still on if you can romance Weylin if you’re alignment is 70% evil or higher same with Nyx if you’re 70% good and up Although if I enable it it would be good conflict fueled scenes hehe
Before I update the rewrite over the new demo I plan on matching it for the word count with the additional scene I was planning to add before so an estimate of 65,000 words at the least. I plan on posting weekly WC updates for the new demo on tumblr to give you guys an idea of how far along it is going, the updates will be on Sat/Sun since those are going to be the only days I have internet for awhile. As of right now I’m already at 9,327/43,641 and I plan on getting some more writing in tonight.
Definitely if you all have any concerns or questions let me know through any of the following:
Tumblr: My account is linked in the main post
Forum: This forum
Messages: Private messages on here
I’ll try to answer anything the best I can until Monday when I won’t have internet then I should be able to check anything next Sunday or use data and pop on briefly for an hour or so throughout the week.
Aslo any asks concerning the story/characters/plots/world lore/what you would like to see in the re-write definitely let me know either here or on Tumblr.
Thanks all you guys for also being extremely patient with me when I was dealing with some crazy stuff last month, hopefully all that is done with and I can resume the tempo I had back in April
@katieb The Midwest actually, I live a little south of where two cities were hit pretty severely. Somehow the tornadoes circled completely around our small town but we were definitely in the middle of the major thunderstorms that passed through
@ollierocket23 thanks for the concern! its all passed now fully though thank goodness.
And it really is! I used to be ok with thunderstorms but after an event 2 years ago my anxiety sky rockets.
The good news is too that relief/rebuilding efforts are already under way too and one of the concerts coming up i heard that the artist(s) decided to donate a good percent of the sales towards the rebuilding as well
I do listen to music during minor storms and it does help definitely but when they’re large scale storms like the ones recently even if i have music on full blast it doesn’t help.
Part of the problem is the house I live in was built in the '60s-'70s and has waaay too many windows honestly. During large storms, the entire house shakes :<
I have an issue with the MC’s lack of emotion to their situation. To recap:
The MC has lead a completely normal life up to this point not counting the one magical occurrence that they don’t even remember. The MC then gets abducted from their home and regains consciousness chained up in an underground cave. It’s revealed their mother (who I assume they had a great loving relationship with up to this point) is behind this and is some sort of evil cultist who is about to murder the MC. A normal person would feel panic, grief, anger, shock, betrayal. The MC responds with surprise at the reveal and then mild confusion at the situation, even making a joke about being chained up. The MC is then stabbed and loses consciousness
They then have a lucid dream where they talk to this mythical being named Atlas who exposits about supernatural powers and magic creatures who exited since then dawn of time. The MC takes all of this in stride. It’s revealed that the MC’s mother built their home on a place of power and the MC asks if that had anything to do with why she tried to kill them but doesn’t ask any further questions about the mother. Atlas also reveals that the MC once tapped into his magic as a child and caused a powerful earthquake. The MC doesn’t react or ask questions about this either.
The MC wakes up in the back of their friend’s car with Luca and Briar worried. The MC makes a joke about their ruined shirt. It feels as if the MC doesn’t care about anything just happened to them: the abduction, the betrayal, the attempted murder, the sudden reveal of magic.
The MC’s lack of a reaction to these things makes them come off as being disconnected from their world. That in turn made me feel disconnected from the MC and I stopped reading.
Setting the lack of emotion aside, what I did read was really well written. The plot is intriguing and I enjoyed the character of Atlas. The only grammar problem I noticed is that you tend to switch between past and present tense when writing. Other than that, well done!
EDIT: I tried to hide the recap as a summary but it got formatted weird. I couldn’t fix it, so this is the best I could manage.
As someone who likes to crack jokes when I just can’t fuckin deal with this shit right now, I kinda resonated with that.
Frankly I find it better to try and find humor in my situation rather than freak the hell out about it, but I can understand how that could feel like an emotional disconnect. This does remind me of a character who would much rather make jokes and smile in a crazy situation to keep those who are also involved as calm as possible, even if internally they’re like “Oh god, oh fuck…”
So sure, if it’s something like that, they could probably do a bit more internal struggle before or after the jokes.
Hey thanks for the feedback! Its no problem about the format
I sort of realized the same thing recently about this problem honestly. the re write im currently working on actually will allow the player to choose more reactions and allow everyone to react more appropriately or choose to deflect with humor still if they so choose
Personally i agree with @Kanaya thats how i usually roll in video games so maybe im too used to it but i can also still add in some internal conflict even for the jokers (probably dependent on the sanity stat?)
Thank you for the compliment! One of my favorite things has been writing Atlas’ personality and im glad you find the plot intriguing
Yes my old foe, i do indeed struggle with it a lot, and that is hopefully something i manage to correct as i work on my rewrite.
Lastly thank you for your feedback again!! This is the kind of feedback i like to hear about
That’s great! The thing about writing in second person perspective (“You” as opposed to "I’ or “He/she/they”) is if the character is doing or feeling something so far from what they person reading would so or feel, you run the risk of disconnect. I did find myself thinking the jokes would have made great choices if they were paired along with choices like Panic or Yell Angrily.
thats how i usually roll in video games so maybe im too used to it
Okay, see this makes so much sense! When I was playing I felt like I was playing a video game. That’s probably where it came from.
I’m relieved to hear that. I was so worried that I was coming of as harsh. I write the feedback that I’d like to receive but sometimes I worry that it focuses too much on the negatives. It’s because when I write something negative I don’t want to just say “I didn’t like that”, I want to say why and how I’d improve it.
I’m looking forward to your rewrite. I’ll definitely check it out when it comes!
Yeah, I will make sure to add more jokes in choices for panicking and angry responses probably just think along the lines of “how would Luca respond” because that’s him in a nutshell Possibly add the other choices for probably a more cynical type MC maybe? I’ll have to draft out some lines when I hit those scenes you mentioned.
and oh yes let me tell you I live for playing sarcastic/humorous Hawke from Dragon Age 2 I can’t ever really bring myself to be a truly evil/mean character the one exception really is the renegade options for beating up the reporter from Mass Effect but that’s it unless I’m forgetting some game that I’ll remember randomly
I do feel like my main obstacles in writing is writing my non-sarcastic characters, especially since Atlas and Luca just kind of flow freely/have a mind of their own when I write.
With me personally, I am always up for feedback because how else can I learn how to improve on my writing? Don’t worry I don’t think you came off harsh at all. Plus I’m always up for discussions on how to improve my writing or talking about the lore and stuff for my stories. Although I will admit I myself am terrible at trying to give feedback, I’ll start to think about how I feel about the story and then I see a spelling error/grammatical issue and then that’s all I see throughout the rest of what I try to read
Also @Bokeh I meant to reply to you earlier I’m so sorry, I do have a cat but he’s just as scared of storms as I am, the moment he senses one he hides under the bed for the entire day or even two days once
The “something like this” is abduction, betrayal, and attempted murder by someone you love and trust. If you have experience dealing with that, then… well I don’t know what to say to that .
But my issue isn’t how the MC chooses to act when confronted with that (though choices would be nice), it’s how the MC feels. It’s one thing to feel shocked, angry, hurt, or whatever, and act calmly (I tend to do that myself), it’s another to not feel anything in particular even when you clearly should be having some strong feelings (like when you’re about to be murdered).
Not saying it wouldn’t affect me, I’d definitely be confused and panic trying to think of way out of it(even if it fails), but after meeting up with Uncle and Sibling I’d breath in what they told me along with the events.
Although I’ve never been in a situation like this I’ve always try to keep calm and think things through. It probably helps that I’m very open minded, so having our “Spirit”, family and new friends both show and tell us about things(however little) makes things easier.
I haven’t even checked to see if my laptop will power on since it was plugged in (but it was connected to a surge protector so it should be fine) not sure how long I will be without power-
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I jinxed it guys.
the re write im currently working on actually will allow the player to choose more reactions and allow everyone to react more appropriately or choose to deflect with humor still if they so choose
but i can also still add in some internal conflict even for the jokers (probably dependent on the sanity stat?)
Too bad you don’t fit under the bed.
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