Below Eden (WIP)

Hello hello! I began working on this story about a year ago in between updates of Children of the Gods, and it’s now taken up a big chunk of my time over the last three months.

Here’s the premise: The year is 498 A.W. (After the War), the location is New Eden (future industrial East Africa, the epicenter of technology and trade) and you play as Nova, the child of two renowned human evolutionary scientists. After a freak accident, you awaken to find yourself thrust five years into the future (503 A.W.) where rising tensions between Synthetic beings and humans threatens centuries long peace. Your story, technically, has already happened, and is now being told through immersive flashbacks that will ultimately reveal the events of the last year to you. You play a key role in uncovering the agenda of mega-conglomerate Syn Co. and its mysterious CEO, all while navigating the moral and political dilemma surrounding Synthetic beings, whose fight for human rights has lead to an increasing number of violent protests and political coups.

The question at the core of the story is simple: what makes us human?

Characters Dossiers:

Summary
  • The Player Character is Nova, the child of the famous synthetics scientist Nova Sr., the pioneer of a new age obsession of synthetic implants. Nova can choose to be completely obsessed with synthetics as well, or disgusted by them. The Honest vs. Deceptive stat will be very important in deciding how Nova navigates through political and social obstacles.

  • Nova Day (no blood relation) was taken under the wing by Nova’s father at the age of six from the desolate island of Mereen. Day has always strived to be the best of the best, being very competitive and a known perfectionist. Nova either views Day as a brother, a rival, or a long-time crush. Day is obsessed with the evolution of mankind and the protests surrounding Synth beings.

  • King Virgil is a second year student at Eden University, alongside his twin sister, Venus. He is poised for a long career as the Emperor’s High Priest, his only completion being his sister. Virgil himself shows no interest in that career path, or any career path for that matter. This new apathetic behavior was said to be the cause of his recent accident in 500 A.W., when his mother’s Rover crashed off a sky bridge. Both survived, but Virgil withstood most of the damage, losing an arm, which was promptly replaced with a synthetic substitute against his wishes.

  • King Venus is the twin sister to Virgil, a second year student at Eden University. She is said to be eager to beat out her brother for the role as the Emperor’s High Priest, despite the bad blood that may arise in doing so. Venus is energetic and optimistic, known for her persistent nature. She herself is an advocate for Synth rights, attending countless rallies and joining unions that support the matter.

  • Orion “Lio” Helios is slowly but surely making his way toward a promising career in synthetic engineering. The Orion name is known for working alongside the Nova’s in phenomenal scientific breakthroughs, especially in the medical field, as Orion Dena is known for famously curing the Affliction. It has been stated in many behavioral reports that Lio is constantly distracted by other “hobbies” that prevent him from attributing full attention to his studies. One of those hobbies include hacking into Syn Co. database, where he believes the Mega corporation is hiding potentially dangerous information from the general public regarding Temporal Plates and synthetic implants.

  • Not much is known about Victor Genesis, referred to as “Genie.” Though by her ancestral name it is clear that she has some relation to tyrant Victor Dao and beloved monarch Victor Sovereign, it is unclear how. She is seen entering and leaving Eden U at strange times, and no one is able to validate her status as a student or otherwise. She has only a standard Temporal plate, and many claim she is against the progression of human-synthetic merging, and possibly Synthetic rights as well.

  • Freya was Initially created as a personal assistant to the Emperor himself, Freya is an “obsolete” Synth wanted for treason after attempting to murder the High Priest. Her current whereabouts are unknown, and to this day her motivations for the attempted murder are unknown.

Link to the WIP (Updated 05/18/2019): https://dashingdon.com/go/4195
Progress:

  • The prologue is complete, but I’m more than open to suggestions to improve the immersion of the story.
  • The first chapter, titled Awaken, is currently being coded.

Feedback: One of my main concerns with this story as an overwhelming and unnatural introduction to this complex world. There is a lot of information presented in the first chapter, and I’d love feedback on how to introduce cultural and political history accurately and naturally. Is this world believable? Are the characters dimensional? What is confusing or not expanded on enough?

Besides that, any suggestions on improving the pacing/introduction to characters/and code bugs would be very appreciated. Oh, and grammar, please.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=7872854
Tumblr: https://belowedengame.tumblr.com/

128 Likes

I don’t know is my internet or something, the picture in the very first page is kinda of break?

You might want to change the name as there is already a game called “Remember me” developed by Dontnod Entertainment and published by Capcom. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t get sued.

Edit: Just looked it up, and it’s indeed trademarked like I thought.

3 Likes

I’m really intrigued…love the setting of the story and I hope the relationship between MC and Dai is going to be explored in the future :slight_smile:

I really want to know what’s happening to children of the God cause I can’t stand not knowing if I ever gonna see Aeson again :sob::sob: Are you still working on it? I hope this question isn’t annoying, cause I tried to go to your blog but I can’t find any update. Thank you so much!

1 Like

@Rohie

“I think should read it, Day. This is something you need to know.”

Put ‘you’ before the bolded word.

Bug found in the choice:
“I try to use my lasers to penetrate the glass.”

awaken line 19: Non-existent command ‘selectable_if’

1 Like

image

1 Like

I like what is there. Looking forward to more. :relaxed:

Hmm, name conflict… :thinking:

‘Forget me not’? Like the flower?

2 Likes

Had trouble uploading the title image via Dashindong? but given that I’ll have to change the name anyway, it’s a sign!

I had a back up name just for this very instance—thank you!

I plan on making a new thread for Children of the Gods, but as of right now since the finished demo isn’t out, I rather not start the new thread.

Thank you @AnthonyGiovannini @Bugreporter and @Taylor_Enean!!!

9 Likes

really love your demo so far! the premise is super interesting and the way you write is beautiful.

found one bug in my playthrough:
w/ the emergency release choice, the “you are surrounded by rubble” button presents the error “awaken line 36: bad label rubble” & the game freezes out entirely.

and a few grammatical things:
in the choice to not have implants

“The only thing you’re having a hard time understanding is the word no .” you shot back.

should be a comma and not a period at the end of the spoken sentence

The boy is a sight; skinny with tired-ringed eyes and dry, cracked lips. He wears a plain black top and pants, the Nova Lab’s logo on the chest.

no apostrophe w/ bolded word

Your father places a large hand on your slight shoulder. “Do you think you can do that, Phoebe? Can we trust you to help he?”

bolded word should be him

3 Likes

I really love how there are different scenes for whichever choice we choose for our relationship with Day! I haven’t chose the rivary yet, but I just love how the family and love interest path are so different! <3

2 Likes

Good to see you’re still writing! After breezing through — just to take a precursory look for the feel of this story — it’s quite promising! But I’ve ran into a bug and I’d like to replay the chapter completely before giving away my thoughts :stuck_out_tongue:

3 Likes

OMG yes, I’m so happy it’s still being written :grin: Thank you for replying :grinning:

A game written after my name? Absolutely on board love it

1 Like

I definitely think so far it flows really nicely, and I’ve always admired your writing style :slight_smile: so im very excited for this! Can’t wait

so far i really like it even though at first i thought the mc was synthetic (i dont know why i think that :thinking:)

Absolutely loved the demo. I think you’ve done a great job of introducing the world without the information feeling overwhelming. It’s pretty amazing.

I stumbled on an error however:

EDIT: Oh, and the save system seems to not be working properly.

3 Likes

uh so considering you made children of the gods n all, you gonna kill off Day no matter what we do like the best friend character from children of the gods?

2 Likes

@Rohie! It’s so good to have you back and see you writing again!

This usually isn’t my typical choice of genre but I think this story looks really promising! I’ll be keeping tabs on any updates you publish.

2 Likes