It won’t let me pass through lol
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Ah, the dreaded math typo. Should be fixed now !!!
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Oh sirrud is definitely gonna be romanced so hard , he won’t know what hit him
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I don’t think that you Must change it, but there’s two things that kinda comes off as iffy to me, as a reader.
If it’s the usual 3rd person pov story, it’s right to take the advice of the writing tip you read and cue in the Reader. But since this is a 2nd person pov CYOA where the narrator is not only the “reader” but also the character inside the game, the writing should only show what the character knows (Unless I misread and the pov is actually omnipotent 2nd person). So there’s no way the MC can narrate that Siruud’s temporary human form is Korean unless he’s assuming it (Which isn’t too odd since Korean surnames are quite distinct. Honestly if you see an East Asian person with the surname Kim or Park, it’s safe to assume they’re Korean. That’s why I don’t think it’s too much of a problem).
But due to kpop and subsequently the existence of Koreaboos, Koreans who often talk to non-Koreans (especially Western people) on the internet become wary of being fetishised. After stumbling into “Korean rps” where Western people… role play as Koreans, being fetishised for being Korean in BDSM communities, and being accused of lying about my nationality when I mentioned it because apparently people lie on the internet that they’re Korean?? I can’t help go “hmm” when I see Korean characters being described as attractive in fiction. Especially when I saw that the person who wrote the psyche eval on the stats page was a Choi.
Again, I’m not saying you did anything technically wrong. This is just an insight on what a reader who happens to be Korean felt from reading the story.
But I think using the phrase “Asian man” or “East Asian man” instead of “Korean man” might be better (unless it’s an omnipotent 2nd person pov).
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Oh, is this game strictly a romance game, then? You might wanna add that to the description at some point, cause I’ve loved the demo so far but never have liked being pushed into romance in games. If the description says there’s an emphasis on romance it could help aromantic folks gauge if they’d be comfortable with the story or not. If there’s no platonic or neutral routes, I’d just be choosing whatever the rudest choice is to get them to go away and that’s no fun lol 
That’s just me, though.
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I’m doing a bit of a major transition with the story right now, so I’ll take that into consideration as I move the text !! Thanks !!
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