Chapter 2 is up
Hello, I played what is available so far and your writing is really cool! It’s actually surprising that you’ve never written before haha. I don’t really have anything else to say on your writing except that sometimes the pages tend to get a bit long. I think breaking them up a bit more would be better.
Other than that, while I did make my mc male the choice only comes a bit later but the MC is referred to as a boy in the stats screen before that.
I do wonder, will there be an option for the mc to be nb?
That’s all, good luck with the story. It’s really cool so far! (also I miss mama :(…)
Thanks a lot . I appreciate the feedback. I’ll take a look at other COG and see how many lines they have on each page on average. Also I’ll correct the “boy” thing
Also about the non binary, I don’t think I would know how to write that. I feel it’s better I don’t add it at all than to write something that would end up offending someone, do you not think so?
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It’s been too long. I apologize for the delay, Hopefully I won’t be gone this long anymore. Chapter 3 and 4 should be up before the end of the month. I have made so many changes to the original idea, character motivations and the like. There is no right and wrong in this story, just actions and consequences
This was really interesting. I liked the way you presented the exposition – it flowed like lessons and stories the MC has heard since childhood. I liked how we spend some time with the MC’s mother and learn just enough about her to have a connection, only for the kidnapping to occur. All the characters seem interesting, and I appreciated how we can become friendly with Mex despite the initial conflict. I enjoyed the range of options as well, especially once the kidnapping occurs.
There were a few times where choices were grayed out and there’s no explanation as to why (like the Lady of the Seas question), and there were a few pages where you might want to put choices so the player has some input (one that stood out was the section about the war). There were also times where it might be better to break up paragraphs so information isn’t lost to the reader (such as during Lieutenant Walker’s introduction). Finally, in the paragraphs where the MC’s friend considers how to prepare, they often seem too old and formal compared to their previous dialogue.
Looking forward to chapter four.
Thanks a lot for the feedback . And no chapter 3 isn’t complete yet. I just try to put up what I have every night before I sleep.
As for the friend’s change in demeanor. That was done on purpose too. He/she is really a lighthearted kid. But right there she is scared, and worried and wants to protect you in her way own way. When the stakes are not so high, and she is far more relaxed, you’ll both get to make childish jokes once more.
The complete chapter three is up now. Started working on four. I may have spoken too soon when I said four will be out in august, I doubt I’ll be able to meet it.
I enjoyed the rest of chapter three. I like how you show the class by having the player answer the question and choosing whether to listen to the lecture instead of just telling us about the lessons. The only thing is that it looks like when the MC has sanitation as their duty it skips over that section under label 09. I believe it’s because where it says *if (duty=“Sanitation”) it should be all lowercase.
The friend becoming more serious in that moment makes sense – it just felt rather sudden how the friend’s character seemed to shift for that scene. Perhaps in their previous dialogue before that scene the friend can use a word/phrase or two from those paragraphs (like “that is to say”, etc.) so there’s a consistency throughout their fun and serious sides. It’s a minor issue, though, and it’s fine if you keep it how it currently is.
Thank you. I’ll correct it presently.
Just a little heads up. I’m done working on the first part of chapter 4, this would be the best chapter so far if I do say so myself. Although it may begin with lots of long conversation, I’m actually enjoying writing it. I hope you all enjoy reading it too. This would be the fulcrum of the rest of the story, if this chapter flies and is accepted (some messed up shit happens in the second part), then I have no fears about the rest of the game. But if not then it was dope knowing you guys.
You would have a chance to save the life of a cadet (by telling folk tales of course, how else does one save a life?)
And you would have a choice between saving the career of an officer, or burning it to the ground. Remember, there is no right or wrong in Morsedge, there are only actions and consequences. The signs are always in front of you, you just have to use your inbuilt Icon, clairvoyance
PS: I could post the first part of chapter 4 if y’all want, or I could wait until the chapter is done. Your call
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Chapter 4 is done.
There are no promises, but if this present state of idleness should continue, we could have chapter 5 before the end of April.
BTW I’ve hit a personal milestone. Over 50k words.
I think you may have a bug, I tried playing your demo and it mostly came out blank and unresponsive, take a look;
@Keeperixx Mine’s working fine.
Maybe it’s your device, but the site is working well for me. Try reloading the site?
Hello guys, I didn’t forget my promise. In fact I did write the chapter. But if you would believe it, it meant I had to rewrite huge portions of previous chapters.
This is the first writing project I’ve ever attempted, and I should have done more research before starting it. I have a mostly complete story but then as I’ve come to realize, a very incomplete world and characters. I’m going back to plan the world out thoroughly.
So, this thread will likely be closed for the mean time. But when I return, I won’t be posting chapters, but a full story.