Alien [Work in Progress]


#1

You were born in what many called the Arrival Era, the arrival of intelligent life to this side of the galaxy. But with humanity’s curiosity, came their downfall. You were just one of the many millions that watched all that they had ever known, get wiped away from them. And like others, your pain did not stop there. Going through trials upon trials brought out a harder version of a once normal human, a version that now understood life and how it worked. A version, numb to tragedy. A version, that wasn’t human anymore.

• Play as a male, female, non-gender, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual.
• Are you out for revenge, to find your family, or something else entirely? You choose and plot your path to the road for answers.
• Learn more about what befell you and the strange markings that you have somehow acquired.
• Choose one of five classes that will transform your role in your group and how you play.
• Choose your own weapons and armor, or decide to take the peaceful route.
• Meet new allies and enemies, all who’s fate could rest in your hands.
• Three different romances to choose from.


The summary is still a work in progress, I hate doing those things . . . but anyway this is my first WIP and I’m kind of excited so far for it. I’ve already braced myself for some heavy criticism so please, hit me with it . . . unless it’s not helpful and it’s just to tell me how much I suck . . . then I mean, keep it to yourself. Alright I’ll stop blabbing cos I really don’t know what to put here anyway since the summary is above. The link is below.

I’m more focused on story than grammar right now, but I don’t mind if you point it out. Any help and tips would be great and thank you for taking the time out to read it.

Link to Alien


#2
  1. The part where it says “The three of you hold your positions” it repeated on me, like as soon as I hit next it showed up again. There is also another instance where it seems like you repeat yourself, the area where you find out about the cargo plane.
  2. Will us picking the color of our markings have some sort of impact later on in the story, or is it just for cosmetic?

There were a few minor issues here and there but nothing that caused me to grow terribly confused or anything. I think the only thing I can point out that might be a bit hard to keep up with is the flashbacks, which judging by our memory loss, we’ll have a lot of those.

I actually really enjoyed this, I feel like this has some really good potential and I’m really interested to see where all of this leads. For it to be only two to three chapters long, I’m already hooked.


#3

Ah, thanks for pointing those out I’ll make sure I go back and fix those areas and other places. Also yes, your marking color will actually mean something in the future.

But thank you for reading, I hope I can do this story justice lol.


#4

nice story you have there. I would keep an eye open for this wip.


#5

I know you said that you weren’t really focusing on grammar at the moment, so I didn’t write them down.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the story so far!


#6

I’ll make sure to go back through and edit it to the best of my ability. :sweat_smile:


#7

This seems interesting but I need to know if the dog is coming with us. I’d love to see him tear a trelark to pieces.


#8

Oh definitely lol. He’s probably one of your most loyal companions.


#9

Magnificent work. The story pulls you in right away, and the pet companion is a neat new touch. Would be nice to have some additional customization options for him rather than just three eye colors.

Also, props to you for putting in so much content this quickly.


#10

Thank you. And do you mean the marking colors? The reason I kinda limited them was because I was actually going to have each have a unique thing about them and didn’t want to be swamped with the code.

Or do you mean customization like hair color, skin tone, etc.?


#11

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