Wait until you get over 50. I can’t even spell “nimble” anymore.
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1000% in love what I’ve read so far.
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just wanna say i love your work! also how do you feel about codediving, bc im very curious about the secret ro lol. but i will respect your wishes.
also maybe the thing about how mc cant feel their brother can be mentioned earlier (when thinking about loss of magic) maybe? i thought that, since mc “lost” their magic they already understand why they cant feel their brother, so when it was brought up to be something surprising and strange (but dont get mentioned again after) im a bit confused.
2 Likes
Haha, that line wasn’t meant all that seriously 
Though considering what the MC has been through, they really aren’t as nimble as before the accident.
Also, since there was a discussion about age: I think I mentioned it at some point in the story, but mages don’t live all that long. Very few of them live to see 50.
I’m sorry to say that revenge is not on the MC’s brother’s list of current obsessions. 
At this point, I think I can just tell you. The fifth RO is, unsurprisingly, the person who appeared at the end of the demo. But is it truly who the MC thinks it is? Who knows? 
There is some info in the codex, but if you feel like it’s too little, I can try to organise my notes and write some more. 
Aw, that makes me really happy. MC’s old team is the best. 
Check one of the answers above and you no longer have to codedive!
But since we’re on the topic of codediving: of course, you’re free to do whatever you wish, however, there is at least one thing that I honestly don’t want you to find out. Some of you might not connect the dots because of the choices you selected when playing, but some of you might and I feel that it’ll ruin the surprise.
Hmm, you are quite right. I’ll take a look at it.
5 Likes
As well as my comment %)
I’ve missed that, thank you! Oh, that’s will come to play later, right? In some heartbreaking way.
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Demo Update: 22 August 2024
Continue your journey in the second part of chapter two.
I would suggest starting a new game, as I’ve decided to track some more choices from previous chapters.
Features:
- 17k words of new content
- visit Valia’s house
- talk to a certain librarian
- choose how to approach your elf problem
- no cliffhanger!! (for once)
Follow the link NEW DEMO in the main post and don’t forget to let me know what y’all think!
28 Likes
oh my gosh, that was such a good update I love Ash so much, I’m glad Ash is still alive <3 and I’m glad we could talk it out with Valia and why is our brother so angry all of sudden? The characters are formidable, especially our RO’s xD I’m looking forward to read more about our mission and how we can go through it without breaking us and break or twist our bond with our brother
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Me too, and now I’m wondering if Del survived…where is he? There was no mention of a grave so I’ve been assuming he did, but there’s no mention of him and MC doesn’t ask Ash. Does MC already know from before the incident? Did he die later/after retiring and so isn’t buried on the Academy grounds? Is he wherever the Capitan is? I want to know!
As for MC’s twin brother…MC’s headaches are made a point of several times. Is Valia certain that the siphoning was only happening one way? We know she can see it, but does she see which way it flows or just that it’s there? What if the headaches indicate the siphoning is from the brother’s side? He’s never mentioned as having them, is he just not saying? And yeah…why is he so upset when it’s mentioned? What does he know about it that Valia doesn’t (because that reaction reads to me as if he knows a LOT more about it.)
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Loved the update, it was amazing! Cannot wait for more!
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Thank you for the update!
Really like how MC battles with their own demons while trying to handle shitty situations.
And it’s an interesting dynamic within the group, full of intrigues and hidden agendas. Hope the brother will be alright though.
I think MC survived because of their bond =( Taked life energy from their twin.
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If MC was the only survivor, sure. But they weren’t and they also weren’t the only magically gifted survivor. So I don’t think that was it.
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This is a messy MC so far turbulent mixed emotions, may sound bad but no this is good, alot of drama and stuff happening, can’t wait to see more of this
2 Likes
I like the premise and the setting, the drama regarding MCs magic is very nice and engaging, however, I was a bit confused during the prologue and chapter zero, the sense of confusion and the air you wanted to set up went too far I think, I was more lost as it stretched on.
The continuity and pacing are good enough to keep it immersive however, the flowing of the story needs some polishing. Certain scenes like we find out about the bond or when we meet A again would do well from getting better descriptions which you used in the ‘prologue+chap 0’ part of the story. This actually allowed me to gloss over large tracts of the story towards the end as I didn’t find it engaging enough to demand me to go through all the paragraphs, unlike certain scenes like the chapter 1 part, or the forest part or even thinking about the past.
I would suggest ironing out portions of the story that need more descriptions/interactions to keep the readers interested.
The angst with V or the interactions with L seem very good while that with T are too “gamey” and predictable in a sense, I would say, while that of brother seems too spread out all over the place, rather than me viewing him as a true character, I’m reminded he’s a NPC as his reactions seem shallow or pretentiously made up as a part of a IF game, and not something that flows naturally sometimes.
All in all, a very good read, can’t wait for more. Didn’t find any typos, so great job till now. Goodluck!
Ave 
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Oh I am as well. Ash has a special place in my heart 
Spoiler: you can’t …I’m just kidding, don’t worry.
So I thought that I mentioned what happened to Del, but when I went to check, I realised that those mentions are choice-specific, so it’s entirely possible that you’ve missed it. I’ll have to fix that!
But just in case you want to know: Del survived and since there was no team anymore, he decided to go fight elves at the borders. And yes, the MC is aware of that.
MC’s twin is a… complicated person. And I think it’s quite clear that he knows something more about the bond. After all, he’s been keeping it a secret for more than ten years. I can say one thing - he doesn’t want the bond to go away again.
Thank you 
Of course! nervous laughter
Yeah, I think they deserve to be a little messy after everything they’ve been through
Thank you for the detailed feedback.
Do you think I could bother you with some questions?
I would find it really helpful if you could elaborate on some things/show me some examples. It’s entirely up to you if you want to answer these though!
Was the prologue okay and chapter 0 was where you got confused? Was it because the initial part was too long and there were too many things? Or that it jumped around too much?
(As a side note, the original version of the prologue looked quite different, I don’t know how many times I rewrote that thing.)
Do you think you could elaborate on “better descriptions”? Do you mean there should be more of MC’s thoughts and feelings, or that it lacks overall descriptions of places/what is happening? If you could show me what you consider good in chapter 0, that’d be great! (And maybe also what you think is too… plain(?) in chapter 2?)
Could you perhaps tell me what parts made you feel like that and why?
Is it the content of the conversations with T? I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean 
Do you feel he’s not consistent as a character? Any specific parts where you’ve felt that the dialogue is not very natural?
I hope you don’t mind me picking your comment apart, I truly appreciate your feedback!
Also, I have added a “quick start” feature to the demo, so you don’t have to replay the whole game now!
9 Likes
Absolutely, it will be my pleasure.
I would say it’s mostly because of the length. The sense of confusion and flavour text is fine and the discontinuity is fine enough, but I found it exhausting enough, if I may say so, till the length it continued for. The jump from that part and into the teahouse-village chapter also needs to be a more detailed out as the transition was a bit shaky and the border between the two scenes were not clear enough as much as I would have liked it to be, I feel like.
I feel it’s needs narrative juice to keep it stimulating enough and to keep the sense of foreboding/anticipation or any other sense you want to integrate in those particular scenes. The way it is relayed now is more like you’re given the information on your face as if an information bulletin more of, but further narrative descriptions and engaging interactions between the people can give it the immersive juice it lacks for now.
For ex; when V told about the involvement of the elves, I took it as an additional information, you could describe how the MC feels a sense of foreboding doom in that instant and then a little insight from the narrator about the elves to make the scene more engaging [ if you’ve ever read The Golden Rose, the scene can draw inspiration from the part when the MC sees the ‘Eyes’ in the city, what he feels like, the narrator adding more flair to create a sense of foreboding for the entire scene ]
It was more towards the end of the story after all the characters got together to discuss the heir future plans in MC’s room. In a sense, I knew this would be happening / they would be discussing this now and the talks more or less went in that same tone of “information bulletin” that I didn’t fine it engaging enough. It was immersive enough, though, make no mistake. The way you can rectify it, I’ll say is add more narrative sense of the unknown/anticipation in the scene in between the talks, MC’s mental inputs, as well as making the interactions seem engaging enough between the people.
I would say it’s the content of their conversation. While everyone else seems to talk about something that is intertwined wrt the story, T’s chat seems more like what you would expect from a NPC character. Maybe using some flair in the chat or detouring the chat towards something personal or letting T talk about things from their point of view rather than stating the obvious would be better. In a word, their interaction seems lifeless, not in the sense that it’s not good, but as in its what you would expect from a NPC character which doesn’t let me see them in a light of a real life character like the other ROs
I get that he’s emotional, nervous and wears his emotions on his sleeves. But he’s all over the place. If you wanted to portray him as that, I think you may have splurged more than you intended to. His mood changed seem erratic from nervous to afraid to banter to angry to sad to nervous with too little time passing in between those mood swings. Our interaction with him has also been low enough that we don’t get acquainted about him to actually believe that he is an emotional character like this.
Finally, I would suggest you try to add some comedic relief like the “sarcastic” comments of MC with V. I would again quote the Golden Rose which has a very serious and foreboding plot but doesn’t deter to use some humor/angst/action sequences now and then to keep the scenes engaging. That is also what was lacking I felt like.
I hope I was able to help. Ask away if you have any other questions.
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I actually doesn’t mind replaying reminding me of the story, since I do remember there is some scene from previous chapter that still not implemented like going to forest instead taking the road etc, I want to check on those.
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Yes, thank you!
Ah, yes. I’ll be sure to let you know if those ever become available to play! I do want to write two more things for chapter two that are not there yet, but otherwise, I think I’ll focus on moving the story forward for now.
But I am aware that there are still a few incomplete sections, and I will get back to those eventually.
5 Likes
Fair enough, seems make sense to move forward to open more of the story.
1 Like
Demo Update: 16 November 2024
Continue your journey in the first part of chapter three.
This update contains about 3/4 of the “university gathering” path of chapter 3.
If you chose the other path at the end of chapter 2 and would still like to experience this part, the game should redirect you there for now. I recommend keeping a save from ch2.
Features:
- 36k words of new content
- go to the university gathering
- manage to convince the professors
- spend some time with the ROs
- meet Mara and get to know the face of the last RO
Follow the link NEW DEMO in the main post and don’t forget to let me know what y’all think!
34 Likes
Why give the illusion of choice? It is pointless.