Abyss [wip]

[dp544]

@kupala

Gay space pirates.

Does that mean you can’t have a straight relationship?? Just wanted that question answered before I play it.

[kupala]

of course you can!! it’s just something i call abyss for fun. all ros are bisexual, 2 of them are gender customizable and you can romance whoever you want!

[Fardil_Husain]

I already love the demo. It’s fantastic can’t wait for more.

[Lea_Boucher]

This is fantastic! The plot, the characters, the drama—ugh, the brother I really just sat on the couch in one position looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame while reading this; saving and loading here and there, so that I could run through all of the options too. You’re a compelling writer. I let out an actual noooo! when it ended.

Thank you for giving us so much right from the get go. It’s well appreciated. It’s an exciting world that you’re building and the pace doesn’t feel off at all. You’ve given everything a nice and natural flow.

The scene with the police breaking into the apartment was a blast to play. And I already adore Quinn too. Maybe they’re the worst person to make friends with because I have my suspicions about their loyalty—but ya can’t help who you like, right? The angst is real. Ah well.

The tension between ‘the family’ has birthed so many questions in my head, and I hope that our brother is okay. I love that I was able to build a kick ass, impulsive, and snarky character right from chapter one. Bookmarked and ready to take flight into the next update. Good luck with the writing.

Here are two issues I found:

Incorrect spelling for ‘duck’

June is male in my playthrough, but his pronouns changed here (very close to the end of the demo)

[slizard]

Hello! I really enjoyed this demo and I can’t wait for more! I liked that the MC is partially developed already - while I do like having some creative freedom in games like this, it can be refreshing to not have to make a bunch of major life decisions and instead just be able to fine-tune the character to how you want them. I also like the way the beginning is laid out in terms of events (with the little interlude with the brother and stuff), a lot of times I get confused by little interludes like that but this one was very easy for me to understand what was going on/where this interlude occurred in the grand scheme of things.

Anyway, I’m definitely looking forward to more! I really enjoy the whole “little sibling” dynamic, which I don’t think it’s very common in the IF I’ve read before, so I am looking forward to some more of that (however things turn out for the brother…)!

Here are some typos that I found! I tried to organize them at least somewhat so it’s not just an ugly long list that hurts your eyes. Also I want to add that I am not trying to be presumptive or anything with listing the typos (since there is a fair amount) or giving any explanations - just trying to help make things easier for you in the long run! And like I said before I really do enjoy your writing/writing style! (:

typos

a separate list just so it’s not super long! (:

1-10

1

“second” should be plural here! (:

2

I think that the MC’s name is missing here? Is it supposed to be “Dumb Things [MC Name] Says”?

3

I believe it should be “back room” - two words as opposed to one. I noticed this was repeated several other times but I just took a screenshot of the first one.

4

This should be “its,” not “it’s”

• it’s = contraction (shortened version of “it is”)
• its = possessive form (saying “it belongs to [object]”)

5

I’m not sure if this is technically a “typo” but it doesn’t really make sense to me. I think I get what you’re trying to say (that his eyes have widened very much), but I would probably just say “his eyes are big” or “his eyes are wide” instead, because an “orbit” is just the path one object takes around another (like the earth around the sun), and there is no size specification to it. Also I don’t think the definition of “orbits” makes sense for it to be the noun here.
On a side note I think one idiom that conveys the same thing would be “his eyes are like saucers” or “his eyes are as wide as saucers,” which could also fit here.

6

Should either be “Basil takes a seat behind the desk” or “Basil sits behind the desk”

7

instead of ’ it should be " at the end of the sentence there (:

8

should be “too” instead of “to”

• “to” = a preposition
• “too” = an adverb, which is a word that describes an adjective, verb, or another adverb (so basically the adverb “too” is describing the adverb “tightly” which is describing the verb “hold” lol

9

I think this is meant to be “relive” (to kind of re-experience) instead of “relieve” (to ease or lessen something)

10

should be the present-tense “hang” (because you’re saying “it is not unusual” (also present tense))

another separate list for no purpose other than to break up the text

11-20

11

I believe this is meant to be “striped” instead of “stripped”

12

The word for this is [something] “piques” [someone’s] interest.
^ side note this mistake is called an “eggcorn,” which is when someone uses a word in a common expression that is very similar to the actual expression but technically not correct - another example would be if you were to say it “peaks” someone’s interest - pronounced the same, but technically not correct. (they’re called “eggcorns” because “eggcorn” is almost the same in pronunciation to the actual word, “acorn,” and it could be easy for someone to mistake one for the other)

13

should be “him” instead of “his”

14

should be “not” instead of “no”

15

“police” is always a plural noun, so this should be “have” instead of “has” (like you would say “they have” instead of “he/she has”)

16

This is missing the apostrophe that makes it possessive: “neighbour’s” instead of “neighbours”. (Because the apartment belongs to “another neighbor”)

17

This should be “sighs” without the “t”

18

Another thing that isn’t technically a typo, more a continuity thing - but I’m pretty sure that when the brother first said this (in that interlude-type section) he also said “Love you” in between “Don’t annoy Vanya” and “I’ll meet you in the meadow”

19

“raise” instead of “rise”

20

“at stake” instead of “at stakes”

and a final separate list to give your eyes a break lol

21-25

21

“place” instead of “pace”

22

“you’ve been” instead of “you’ve. Been”

23

“muted” instead of “mutes”

24

“know” instead of “new”

25

I think this is meant to be “there are no life rafts or vests”

[Gapaot]

There’s nothing in blue section vs Ruthless.