I don’t really feel like you would offend your audience by including swearing, as I’ve seen it used before, and I haven’t seen anyone complain about it in the forums. Using it to excess may turn certain people away though. You definitely shouldn’t use it TOO often unless it’s one of the character’s personality traits or something. If you really don’t want to write the swearing out, you should probably use alternatives, or write around it. But, you’ll be fine as long as you don’t overuse it. 
Also, if you choose to go down to the tower with the captain and take Tricity, it says: Soon the Captain, myself and Second are ready to go. The Captain puts Tricity in charge of the ship and, without further drama, we climb of the side of the ship and climb down one of the mooring ropes to the top of the tower below. The grammar gets a bit… rougher, the further into the story one gets. :\
1 Like
@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Hmmm, I’m only familiar with China Meiville, but thanks anyway! 
The “sials”, waking up and codex issues have now been fixed. The climbing issue has also been fixed, and yeah I’m pretty terrible at proofreading. I got the name Proofrock from a poem by T.S. Eliot, as I want all thing ship names, except the Between Two Points to be references to something. I’ve never read or watch Game of Thrones so, sorry again :\ Yeah, the name is very similar to Australia, I think next update I’ll change that, as well as possible the name Amsth.
@GrellSutcliff Yeah, I think I’ll actually stop censoring the words next update, thanks!
Fear not: the grammar police will be here for all your proofreading endeavors! 
(I teach ENG Composition IRL, haha, it’s second nature at this point.)
PS: For what it’s worth I like the name Amsth.
I like the character, Amsth. I just don’t know how to pronounce that.
It would be better if you could change the name ‘Others’ … Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire will have everyone confused. I know that when I saw the word ‘Others’, I was imagining White Walkers …
Also, when we make our appeal to the Captain, it would be nice to actually see some text there. It feels awkward to jump from ‘I make an appeal’ and then skip over the actual speech.
[quote]“None of your business,” the Captain replies friendily.
[/quote]
‘Friendily’ isn’t an actual word. You could say that their tone was friendly, I guess? There’s no adverb form for friendly.
[quote]“It was there fault,”
[/quote]
You mean ‘their’.
On the whole, I really liked the game! I’m curious to see where this goes, and the setting is intriguing. My only issues were with some of the grammar and spelling errors - I pointed out the two that really glared at me, but there were some more minor mistakes.
2 Likes
This game is excellent.
You pronounce it ‘Bob.’ Obviously.
1 Like
Thanks for clearing that up. XD
@swanmaiden Curse you grammar, you fiend!
@gkkiller Argh! Once again I miss the obvious! Consider the name changed.
Are the characters that we have been presented with going to be are only romance options? As much as I like their personalities, their appearance descriptions are far too “exotic” for my tastes and make it hard for me to really fall for them.
1 Like
@kanani40 Glad you asked. Amsth, Parser, Core and Tricity will be the first four. Benji will also be a romance option, although one slightly harder to reach. There will also be two characters, maybe more, that will be fully developed romance options that will be introduced in a later chapter. Other than that there may be some less developed romance options, say, for example, Beowulf, although I’m not sure exactly how those will work or how many there will be, yet. I will try to make some romance option with more “normal” people. Thanks for the feedback 
1 Like
I like where the story is heading! Just some comments:
[1]
“Thanks. But anyway, nice as it was for you to check up on my and this messed up engine, there’s not much either of us can do here, so you might as well get some shut-eye.”
She’s right, so that’s what I go and do.
Think it would be better to phrase this as “it was nice of you to check up on me…”
[2]
The interior of the structure is inhospitable, with no roof, no furnishing, and just the cold, slightly slanted walls. I get the feeling that this was not a place of honor. Metal plates with some sort of inscriptions etched into them are mounted on the walls. There is a hole in the floor, though, that draws my attention.
It looks like the hole was made after the main strucutre, but not recently. Maybe hundreds and hundreds of years ago some downbelowlander dug it. I estimate it is about six feet deep, but it might have been deeper once. There seems to be some equipment down in it.
Typo: structure
[3]
Choices: …>Talk them down > (jump to the scene below)
With the pirates dealt with we can continue on to our planned rendevous with Beowulf. As night falls the crew begins to recover from the obstacle we have just overcome. We set our sails for the night, and retire to the crew quarters, while the Captain returns to their cabin.
I chose to settle the pirates’ attack by attempting to talk them down. However, instead of bringing me to the scene of how the conversation with the pirates go, I was brought to the scene above. The above scene doesn’t seem to flow with the option I picked.
[4]
“Hold still,” is all the warning Core gives me before digging the needle into my face.
I was unaware that he was what passes for the ship’s doctor, but it turns out that is exactly what he is. The small sharp needle goes in and out of my skin as he sews up the wound on my face. It hurts, and it will probably leave a scar.
“There. We are done,” he announces.
I was thinking, if talking the pirates down works (given my high deception stats), I shouldn’t have a scar for Core to treat at all. Thus, this scene doesn’t seem to go along with a successful negotiation attempt.
[5]
With regards to the romance options, any possibility that one of them might be a stranger (of mysterious origin or Murican descent) turn lover? Will Tech be an option too?
1 Like
@ keira fixed the typos and changed what Parser says! The third and fourth points are actually caused by the same issue. Namely, to successfully talk down the pirate you have to have a high enough charisma. If you don’t you fail and end up with the scar on your face. I forgot to write the failure option, which apparently is what happened to you. I will certainly take your suggestion about a Murican lover into consideration and yes Tech will be an option.
One thing about the part right before the end of the demo: When all the Love Interests come up to see the moon, it would be helpful to let the player know somehow that they will be able to talk to ALL the LIS at that point. Also, I was romancing Tricity, and so missed out on the option to try to teach Benji about love, which is something I would like to do, even while romancing someone else.
This is pleasantly long, for a demo, and I’m happy about the amount of content it contains so far. As a matter of curiosity, how long have you been working on this?
I just got a weird bug (I think) where I was talking with Second and got asked what I was thinking about and answered ‘The Mount’ and then suddenly it jumps to the Captain announcing something as we near the tower. Like, huh? I feel like something got skipped.
1 Like
@Inquisitor13 Don’t worry, there will be a scene later where you can talk to Benji, even if you already have a love interest. Its just that this scene is the first were Benji acts like a “love interest”. A later conversation might be something like: “hey, you and ${loveinterest} are really close, what’s up with that?”
@Shawn_Patrick_Reed Yeah I forgot to write that bit. Will be fixed next time I update. And let’s see, its been about two months since I wrote down the codex entries, maybe a bit longer.
Also, since this will be in the next update, I’ve been thinking about changing the name of the game. How does “Beneath the Sky” sound? Any other ideas?
2 Likes
I like it. That name.
And you’ve gotten a LOT done in just two months! *if branches and dialogue choices slow me down a lot, though- more work for less seen on a playthrough. But these games, they’re a labor of love.
raises a pitcher of chocolate milk in toast To the sky-pirates! And retiring rich and breathing clean air!
1 Like
I really enjoy this game so far, I like the characters, plot and setting, the only thing I have to say is, are we going to be able to change the MCs name? Because you can change everything else about them, it just seems a bit odd that all, I’ll be fine if you’re leaving it like that on purpose.