It fun read this you did good job can.t wait see more of your work
A Witch's Curse (W.I.P) (Updated 3/2/2019)
mintybunbun
#34
Hello! I really like the concept in this WIP and I can imagine that depending on how you go with this, it can be a pretty angsty ride, but we’ll see.
I was trying to some different variations and I got this error after making the choice that L was male and then I tried to reply that L’s charm wasn’t working on me. (It worked with the other choices, just not that one.)
I also noticed that you might have accidentally capitalized the h in He is trying to avoid making eye contact and you forgot a period after “He doesn’t answer”.
I’m kind of nitpicking and there are probably a couple of more more grammatically errors that I missed, but this has definitely gotten a lot more detailed than I remember first playing this. I absolutely love the little details you went in to put add to the characters and it really makes a big difference (e.g. L’s little old gang slang, the curls in their hair, first meeting with M; the way you describe them is very pretty (picturesque? either way)). I imagine that with the many years we have been in service to “Mom”, we must have met M somewhere around there, but the question is when? And how are they still alive? You’ll probably to that eventually, but until then I’m really looking forward to seeing where this story leads!
1 Like
Takashi_Shin
#35
I like to now if the curse work go down will I die or it go back age to human live happy aging life
0 Likes
First off, thanks to everyone who’s been commenting and reading and liking this W.I.P. It’s very motivating and also extremely flattering.
@SuperiorTea Thanks so much, that will make my life much easier in the future! But also much harder right now since I’ll need to go back and get rid of all the ${caps_} stuff. And I’ll need to go back and fix the “no” thing again. I refuse to let that snarky beta tester of mine win! And thank you so much. It’s taking a little longer than I thought to write this chapter, but definitely the second half of chapter 1 will be out before the end of the month.
@HippoAttack Thank you for the suggestion, although I think I’ll just keep the three familiars for now 
@rachelamber I’m glad you like M, and you might be on to something there 
@mintybunbun Thank you so much for pointing that out. It’ll hopefully be fixed now. Also, thanks for noticing that I went back and added detail! That’ll probably happen a lot. When I get stuck on scenes I tend to go back and elaborate on old ones. 
@Takashi_Shin Unfortunately I can’t tell you that because I’m not 100% sure myself.
Bit of backstory here
This story started as an on and off comic I never had enough time to draw for. In the original thing the MC always knew that her mom wasn’t really her mom and was also a witch and she definitely wanted to break the curse because I have been under this curse for 200 years for the love of god let me die. But now the story is different. I’m going back and forth on how I want to end it and may end up letting the player choose later on. But for now I’m not sure.
6 Likes
Gwenstn
#37
Definitely like the idea of this story. It’s great to see more stories that have ample backstory to explore (I hope?) in addition to the unfolding plot, so I’m eager to see more.
2 Likes
This seems really interesting! I already hate Gothel over there, and L is somehow so loveable. I can’t wait to find out more
2 Likes
@Hamps I’m just… completely at a loss for words. Thank you so so much! I can’t believe anyone would like this enough to make fan art! This is beautiful. I especially love the open eye on the hand of the woman in the center!
3 Likes
Hamps
#41
@rosemary_and_sage I tried to portrait the “Mother” with the “hand-eye” thing :DD so glad you like it ! I tried my best, because I was in love with the story from the first letter ! (◍•ᴗ•◍)
2 Likes
will
#42
Poked around in the code because I like seeing how other people do things.
Hope you don’t mind. The dreaming section with your BFF is pretty messy. I recommend cleaning it up with some goto's or gosub's to keep things more vertical.
More importantly: the whole flirting sequence is actually repeated twice (it’s an option in the first set of choices, and then copied and pasted later on if you miss it the first time, I gather).
Instead you could have the flirting take place in a subroutine.
An Example
*choice
# Don't flirt.
You stand there staring gormlessly at the sun for a hot minute. Drool drips down your chin.
Your friend looks a bit bored.
*choice
# What's a little harmless flirting between friends?
*gosub flirt
"What took you so long?" ${BFF_heshe} says.
*goto next
# I SAID DON'T FLIRT
*goto next
# What's a little harmless flirting between friends?
*gosub flirt
"I thought you'd never ask," ${BFF_heshe} says.
*goto next
*label flirt
"LET ME TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF" you shriek, scaring away the local wildlife.
It works. You're a bonafide modern day Casanova.
*set romance +9000
*return
*label next
...
Something to that effect! You want to avoid needlessly repeating code.
3 Likes
cookiemonsta
#45
Ok so a very dumb question but what year does the game take place? Like does it start at 1800s and skips to 2000s?
1 Like
Not a dumb question at all, I’ve actually been toying with putting dates in to just help clarify things a bit. If I’m being honest though, my own ideas of the dates are kinda vague… The prologue takes place in the late 1700s/early 1800s and the story proper takes place in the late 80’s/early 90s. (Before cell phones are really a thing and back when being a sleuthing young adult was kinda in fashion a la Nancy Drew.)
EDIT: Went ahead and added dates to help clarify time period.
3 Likes
thedutchesse
#47
First of all, I really like your writing style and the story so far definitely has me hooked, really good job! Just wanted to point out a small error in writing:
No biggie but easily missed. Anyway, looking forward to where this goes!
1 Like
Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know that I’m back from vacation and that the update should be up in a few days!
EDIT: Update up! Now, just a warning since I didn’t have my laptop over the trip, I was using my phone to write. I tried to go back and fix everything today, but please let me know if you run into problems or typos or weird repeat walls of text!
16 Likes
pandaboi
#50
Ran into this
Also @Hoang_Dieu you’re gonna wanna blur that. I got spoiled as soon as I clicked on this thread lol
0 Likes
@Hoang_Dieu yes, please blur that out if you can. I don’t want anyone else to get spoiled for the the first chapter already! [ spoiler]text [/spoiler] if you take out the space i put in front of spoiler you can use that as a template to hide it
@pandaboi Should be fixed now!
0 Likes