A dark sci-fi WIP: Revolutions Around the Sun (Prologue + Chapter 1)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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Brand new WIP! Thank you for the people who responded to my interest check post.

‘Revolutions Around the Sun’ is a dark science fiction adventure with a lawless western feel. In a distant future where the solar system is populated by humans, you have the misfortune of being born on Earth- a dump where only lowlifes remain. The intergalactic government has a loose grip on your lawless district, and you are in the employ of a mercenary group because of your great debt to its leader.

Skulk around, make allies and enemies, wrestle with your past, present, and future… and do your job (or don’t).

Play the demo, which currently includes the Prologue and Chapter 1: https://dashingdon.com/go/12679
Currently it’s about 9k words.

  • Play as male, female, or non-binary
  • Shape your personality and relationships with others. Are you kind or aloof? Daring or cautious? Personable or a lone wolf?
  • Pursue potential romantic relationships with three characters, who are gender variable.
  • Accept your predicament and lot in life, or fight hard against your fate.
The Characters

Clocks: A sort-of-enigmatic young individual who also happens to be your closest ally in Wolf’s group.
Likes: gizmos (peep the name), dry wit
Dislikes: frivolousness, INJUSTICE

Wolf Wells: Your resident big boss man, the leader of a band of mercenaries who you happen to be indebted to. May or may not be a good guy.
Likes: big talk, making dough, keeping oaths
Dislikes: liars and tricksters

Nova Ernest: The guy appointed in charge of this district of Earth. Very high and mighty, but he is successfully running this show almost single-handedly (if you call the wasteland you live in a success).
Likes: shiny things, good manners, classical music
Dislikes: rude folks, cowboys

Altair: Nova’s right-hand person. A very recent addition - if there’s a reason Nova goes through right-hand people so fast, I guarantee you that Altair hasn’t noticed it.
Likes: plant parenting, indoor voices, peaceful solutions
Dislikes: public speaking, gore and bloodshed

Kit Khan: Your unwilling rival, who barely seems to want to be here (or anywhere).
Likes: running, climbing, taking action
Dislikes: people who are all talk

And lastly, you!: a possibly-unwilling mercenary orphan on the cusp of adulthood, born very much unwillingly on Earth and currently making your living there. The rest is up to you.

Trigger Warnings

Scenes of violence, including threatening others with weapons. People die, including friends and family members. Descriptions of scars.

Feedback I’m especially interested in:

  • Typo, typos, typos. Particularly attempts to make the variable pronouns work.
  • There are a lot of conditional variables at play- does everything flow well in your playthrough?
  • And of course, let me know what you think of the writing, characters, and story so far!

There’s also a tumblr development blog!: https://revolutionsaroundthesun.tumblr.com/

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I really like the start. But Kit mentioned that we are loyal to Wolf when they interrogate us which was weird if by that point we chose to see the situation as us having been forced to work for him.

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Is it just me or does the stats page take forever to load?

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Maybe kit doesn’t know we are forced if our character see it that way they just see us working for him and think we’re loyal @Frieza

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Also stats don’t load

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@Fenrir1 Thanks for pointing that out- turns out I forgot to actually upload the stats screen! It’s there now.

@Frieza I see which part you mean- I think my reasoning was that Kit doesn’t necessarily know about the deal, but it’s an odd choice of words. I might edit that passage so it changes depending on your responses to Wolf-related things.

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That’s what I was think kit sees us working for him and thinks we’re loyal because they don’t know abt the deal @glitterriddle

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It might be good to have the option to rebuke their claim in case the MC isn’t loyal and feels trapped

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@glitterriddle you got a good start going only slight issues i noticed in my playthrough just now.

1st one not sure if its a error or not but its ebough to mention when the MC is running and gets to the street by the abandoned theater. The option to take time to check out the car is it meant to increase rational? Or is it perhaps to increase cautious when it comes to stats? If its cautious then it didnt seem to make the boost up. Other then that no potential code type issues on my playthrough.

2nd there was a part in chapter one i forget the exact spot but there is the use of the word " too " in referance to the city when were on the walk its the third use of it in the same sentence. I think you would be better off just straight up removing that word at that spot.
For it doesnt quite seem to flow right in that sentence yet its a minor thing so do with it what ya will. :grinning:

Enjoyed the intial look into the world and story and look forward to seeing more as they come.

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I love the characters in this, nice work so far!

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Can you tell me something more about this Intergalactic government

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@Valixon Small things are appreciated! For the first one: I did code it to increase Rational, but I realise in hindsight it doesn’t make sense when the opposite of Rational is Idealistic. I’m going to make a lot of edits to stat raising choices once I get a little further into the story to balance things and fix the logic, and that’ll be one of them.

For the second one, I’m assuming you mean this line: “The city looked too cluttered, too shiny, too larger than life.” That’s just a quirk of my writing style, but thank you for pointing that out- I might reconsider it on my next draft.

@Tylerif Glad you enjoyed, thanks for trying it out!

@Custodes Thanks for your interest! The lore is a bit of a work-in-progress. One of my first orders of business for a new draft is definitely to give it a less lame name!

Currently you can gleam most info about the government from your conversation with Altair. They seem stretched rather thin, they’re rather undemocratic and unrepresentative (note the statement that Nova was “assigned” to the district rather than voted in). My working theory is that the wealth of a planet is roughly based on its distance from Earth, and most government representatives have privileged backgrounds (hence the PC musing that Nova is from “Saturn or Neptune” based on vibes).

BUT Altair mentions being from Mars, which might hint that the next generation of the ruling class has a chance to be more diverse if people like them can ascend the ranks.

As for how much of this will show up in the game, probably a far amount! But it’ll be more in the form of how it affects characters’ lives and backstories.

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Yep thats the sentence and sounds good.

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AHHHHH THIS IS SUCH A COOL PREMISE AHIhnBDEGYWUHNFOUEWH OKAY BORING STUFF FIRST
(I also Reaaaaally recommend adding save slots; they’re insanely useful- I know there isn’t much in your IF right now, but still hfnuefjnef)

singular issue I found

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^ It seems like the text for each option melded together. Might wanna check your code?

AAAANYWAYS I LOVE THE WAY YOU. Argh how do i say this its like. There’s finally an IF that UNDERSTANDS the intricacies of the MOTIVES people may have for staying silent, and that your view of people isn’t all black and white. The simplistic way you write the choices; not really adding anything extra would usually bother me, but It actually works really well here asdhwjdfnueirf. The writing just feels so… cozy, which I know is a weird way to describe it, but it feels like being wrapped in a weighted blanket near a fire. sdfjernfiujnerwjif. Also, I LOVE how you can have that mutually secretive silent understanding with Clock! VERY EXCITED to see where this goes, and esp excited to learn more about Nova and Wolf (And Kit, bc we didn’t see em for long.)

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@Graceful-Not Hello there!! Thanks so much for your enthusiasm, I really appreciate it. A weighted blanket near a fire- that’s so sweet. :,) And thank you for the feedback also- save slots and a little coding blip, I’ll work on both of those things.

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Oooh how nice another sci-fi WIP! I can’t wait for more! <3

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Yasss, I love being an angsty criminal! And it has romance? I feel spoiled. :smirk:

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Hi! I really enjoy what you’ve shown so far! Just wanted to point out a couple of things:

I only noticed this with Clocks, but if you choose for them to be a she, the game will sometimes still refer to them as a he. I’m unsure if this also happens with Altair but yeah, might be a small coding issue there.

Also, I can’t seem to post the screenshot for some reason, but right after the choice we’re given when the player and Clocks look at each other through the car’s rearview mirror, there is a part where the same paragrapgh will repeat itself after every other new paragraph.

Anyways, like I said, I’m really enjoying this! Can’t wait for the next update. In the meantime I’ll let you know if I run into any other oddities.

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Can I ask, what’s that font you’re using for chapter headers? I like the look.

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This is shaping up to be good. I like the premise and the writing. A possible issue though is that the relationships with characters change a lot depending on your opinion of them. It’s fine to change a bit, but I think the larger changes should be due to interactions with the character instead. Also, that makes it possible for your relationship with Nova to be less than 0.

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I feel like this part is unclear. Since the base is armed, doesn’t that mean that there’s no need to choose between the MC’s life and the mission?