Yeah, I know, which is why I’m hesitant on that idea. The only other thing I can think of uploading it, and then in the future, I guess, when I… submit it… somehow, that I delete the current link in exchange for a short demo. 
I dunno how a lot of this works so I’m not putting too much thought into it until I get there, to avoid getting more overwhelmed.
5 Likes
I can take a look this week.
Anything which is paywalled on patreon must be publicly available within a month. The only conceivable way you can do this will be to release the full game for patreon suscribers and start the one month countdown clock for beta testing at the same time. Then, after one month, submit the game to HG and say that you are taking down all versions of the game now that it is submitted. But, unless you can get a lot of dedicated patreon subscribers who will beta test your game in a one month timeframe, it could be a detrimental strategy.
HG requires you to put up a public version of the game for testing at least a month before submission, but this just has to be publicly advertised. A closed beta with restricted beta tester access will still meet this requirement.
2 Likes
Yeaaaaah I thought exactly that, the whole clock. Already came to the mind that, that is too much effort. 
I’ll just upload as normal. Idk what the heck I was on about.
3 Likes
Chapter 17- quarter of the way there!
(As Posted On Tumblr: Posting here for clarity!)
Min’s route is all done and added in! Yaaay.
CH17 is very text heavy, with minimal choices, so I apologize in advance for that. When I upload, I’ll mention this next bit again if I remember, but I am still editing. A friend of mine caught errors and I found one myself last night in Gen’s route.
Sooooo back to editing previous chapters, I’m sorry. I don’t have, for example, a dedicated editor to catch this before uploading and stuff. I do what I can, of course! But to my chagrin, things somehow slip through like I didn’t even check it myself.
This will be the last chapter I upload solo. Everything else will be put up all at once. Once I’ve uploaded this, I’ll begin compiling all sorts of things to put on Patreon and actually see about the artwork thing. I just hope I can make a pretty cover.
19 Likes
This is the second time I read this story and ultimately in my experience not much has changed writing wise. Generic MC meets 4 hot supernaturals and there’s a slow romance plus a murder mystery thriller.
I’m probably going to get hate for this but writing wise its solid technically speaking but from an emotional and plot perspective the story is generic and kind of boring. The romance is slow, the action and drama is non existent, pacing is very slow for a story with 17 chapters, this is definitely an otome like story and there’s too many characters that I don’t care about.
Not much happens in the 17 chapters I’ve read, not enough emotional highs and lows or conflicts. I just can’t seem to get excited about the story since ultimately a slow murder mystery is something most don’t really care about. The princess carry scene is most definitely fanservice writing quality in my view.
This is Wayhaven 1 but with slower pacing and less drama, that’s literally what I was thinking the whole time, I’d rather have the MC be an independent Hunter who’s at odds with the team while fighting the main villains rather than “hey now you’re gonna join this team for plot purposes and investigate a random murder”.
2 Likes
Well then go read something else. None of your criticism here is constructive in any way.
Ok. Feedback, typos and and other comments. All blurred out.
Thoughts:
Do hunters use tear gas, smoke grenades, flashbangs and other riot control weapons? Along with blank firearms? Riot control weapons are good for dispersing a crowd, but they will not be good for incapacitating a single powerful target. Blank firearms may scare people who aren’t familiar with them, but otherwise have zero combat usefulness.
Other minor characters like Eryn and Jaylynn can have their own entries in character description. Bug- Character names are also blank before they are introduced.
Does the game branch a lot? I only played through once, but I get the sense that it’s linear from the choices. I didn’t check the code so I may be wrong.
HG recommends that each choice has no more than 15 words, but this is a guideline and not a rule.
Typos:
Her breaks out a massive grin I’m surprised doesn’t pop her cheeks.-She
“I’ve seen the news as well, but we don’t yet know if this involves Supernaturals or not. They just found the body body.”-double word
But Lucifer asked I put pressure on him due to his silence.-asked that I
It was so much easier than confronting what taunts the other side of my door. -taunts me on the other side
Shortly after, not even the door can stifle the violent gags and wretches. -retches
I lean in and bend down significantly at the waist to her much shorter frame. I have to lean down even more than I’m used to. (6’8/203cm and under)-I think there should be a double quote for inches
The second police sirens sang in the air, media swarmed the busy street..-double period
His fixed glare dares Ulysses try taking my blood.-to try
Ulysses’s weak glare doesn’t dissuade Eugene from staying put. The he doesn’t budge an inch.-I think ‘The’ is an extra word??
“Not at all. His sister lives Downtown.” Min-$!:jun} comes to my side. His arm sweeps and aims at the door. “If you’re ready, Riggs?”
Every victim, include Jaylynn and myself, looks eerily similar to this oracle Clyde met.-including
Turning left, I pass private the rooms.-the private
Typo in the number 6 in Chapter 6 header.
Formatting seems ok. You might need a page break between your personal relationships and personal stats in the stats page.
For the stats page:
I’m having some difficulty with image upload now, so I’ll copy my ending stats:
Cautious 43/57
Stubborn 38/62
Friendly 64/36
Brave 47/53
Callous 42/58
Sarcastic 37/63
Shy 32/68
Pessimistic 57/43
Stoic 30/70
Min-Jun F5R5
Andrei F4R3
Maples F9R3
Eugene F9R4
Good luck.
1 Like
Thank you for this! I still have other errors to fix that a friend pointed out. 
It’s a pretty linear story, which I get isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I considered having different endings but ultimately decided not to.
Regarding the Hunters, if you have any ideas/suggestions to make them feel more… realistic? Reliable? Not sure what the word is here, please let me know. Because what you asked has be going: 
ah, good point.
But thank you so much for this!
6 Likes
Maybe tasers, stun guns or tranquilizer guns? With some fantastical modifications for the setting.
2 Likes
I hope you don’t get hate for your opinion, it’s completely valid.
When writing this, I knew/expected Wayhaven comparisons, and that’s fine. It’s popular and well-known. It’s like Hunger Games vs Divergent .
I’m just happy you still took the time to read this and comment, even though this isn’t your cup of tea! I wouldn’t be surprised if you saw this, rolled your eyes, and thought “Oh, boy, another one of these”.
When it comes to the emotions and drama, what were you looking for that would’ve made it better?
Edit: Your suggestion/desire for an independent Hunter actually sounds really interesting the more I think about it. Kinda mad I didn’t think of it myself.
10 Likes
Thanks, I appreciate it. Yeah there’s nothing wrong with being similar to Wayhaven as long as its either unique or a superior version of it, kind of like how tv shows like Invincible and The Boys are directly inspired/parodying Marvel and DC shows but made it better and are successful while some failed.
As for story wise in the simplest form, cut down on useless filler content such as constantly talking to coworkers and neighbours, anything that doesn’t push the plot or character development is not needed. The story feels too much like an otome story mixed with a murder mystery, instead it should have more shonen/seinen style writing.
I know being a COG author is much harder vs being a regular author so I feel bad when authors get criticized and have to recode everything but its better than releasing mediocre works that will get roasted for years after its release such as Wayhaven 2 and 3 vs the FH or Heroes Rising series.
Some changes I’d recommend to the story:
1 - Change the MC from a generic one pushed by the plot to join the agents to being a real in depth character, give them a back story, for eg he/she got unfairly fired by the hunters association and became an independent feared hunter who hunted down lots of supernaturals.
2 - Introduce the characters as antagonists/rivals to the MC and not as coworkers and add more action/drama, for example MC is hunting down a lead to get their soul back and fights against the agents then gets saved by one of them, put them at odds, maybe even fight them and get captured after a big brutal fight.
3 - Cut down on side characters and filler content and introduce a proper villain, show briefly a flashback of the MC’s tragic backstory that serves as a motivation, the MC should be a man/woman on a mission and not “hey you’re a strong independent detective and now you get 4 coworkers” which I’ve seen dozens of times. Wayhaven 1 does this briefly and there’s lots of fun conflicts which dies out in the later books, FH and Heroes Rising constantly does this, its more exciting.
4: Angst/Brooding and Enemies is a good thing story wise, in the current story the MC has like 6 coworkers/bosses who are all nice to them, thats boring, reduce the number and turn them into a mix of 1-2 friendly and 1-2 hostile to you, like rivals or hates you
5: Reduce the murder mystery elements and more of action/drama/thriller elements, the number of times I’ve read a story where you investigate a murder and then investigate a crime scene or a house is wild, it should be chasing an enemy, running away and hiding from the enemy or fighting an enemy.
2 Likes
I really liked your work and the potential it has, keep up the hard work. I just don’t want to see it become “another generic clone” and instead “wow this is a better version, more unique than the others”
6 - Try imagining your current work of 17 chapters being adapted to a tv show or a movie. In 40 minutes of episode 1 or the 2 hour movie it can’t be boring. The audience should feel anger/sadness/romance/comedy/excitement/worry. Everyone is too nice and friendly to the MC tbh. The writing should be professional quality but fun like an anime and not like fanfiction.
Another minor pet peeve of mine as an Asian individual is why Min Jun/Ji is stated to be from China when she has a Korean name, but thats very minor.
7 - The first chapter which has the MC fighting and barely winning against a supernatural and getting injuries was pretty good and had lots of excitement, something like that should be a bit more common but instead of fighting generic enemies fight an important main villain or even the ROs.
8: The stakes should matter, investigating random murders is generic, but when a character close to the MC such as a family member or best friend gets kidnapped/harmed/killed it raises the stakes and makes it personal.
9: The soul part is unclear, define the MC’s struggles more, ok they lost their soul to a demon for unknown reasons, what negative effects does it have? The MC should talk about it and experience it through out the story, are they dying? in pain? cough up blood? their body hurts? their mental state diminished. Focusing on these parts rather than flavour text will elevate the story to the next level
10: Try briefly reading other IFs that have a clear understanding of the story and characters for motivation. You’ve probably read Wayhaven/FH but go on Itch as well where most stories with so much potential dies after 1 or 2 chapters sadly. The Exile, The Night Abridged, The Numbers, Saint and Sinners, and Esper Fugitive are my recommendations as their first 2 chapters are pretty good.
Anyways I hope my input helps you turn your story into a proper God Hunter story, who knows later it could be considered a Wayhaven Killer story lol.
2 Likes
Ch.17 is up and loaded!
(As Posted On Tumblr)
I fixed a lot of stuff. I swear, guys, I know how to write and proofread.
I went through this chapter and fixed a few things, but I had to stop due to my hands cramping. Again. Sigh. ANYWAY. PLEASE. I BEG YOU. TELL ME IF YOU FIND ANY ERRORS. Not just bugs that keep things from loading but also spelling, grammar, etc.
So, without further ado, here ya’ll go. Unless it’s game-breaking, or I can’t stand letting it go, I’ll fix any mistakes tomorrow!
13 Likes
I’ll try to address your points!
- I have a slight disagreement on the generic comment, only because, imo, you want the MC to be somewhat of a blank slate in an IF. Unless you’re playing as someone fully determined that has the chance to change due to choices, that is.
- This would require a fair bit of rewriting. Which isn’t a bad thing but… I like how it is, too. And after rewriting this entire thing from front to back, I’m a bit hesitant to go about rewrites again.
- The “proper villain” does show up later, especially in the second book. Which is probably annoying to read
But it’s true. - I understand why it’s boring. But what you describe isn’t how I’ve written the love interests. That said, I think (haven’t looked at the draft in a hot minute) I have more side characters that pop up which fit the bill to a degree.
- Yeah, this is totally fair. I thought about this as well.
- I don’t know what else to say to this other than I’m sorry.
- About Min-Jun/Ji, they were born in China but eventually given a Korean name. It wasn’t done out of ignorance or a mistake or anything! And your point with the fighting is something I agree with. I want to get better at action, so hopefully the next book does it some justice?
- Agreed.
- The soul issue is using magic(k) causes extreme pain (yeah, I haven’t explored this very well right now-), hearing voices, and shorter lifespan. Which, I don’t think I added that last part in yet, have I? I will need to add that somewhere, if applicable.
- Don’t worry! I’ve read lots of IFs! And I so hope this does not become a “Wayhaven Killer”. I could not deal with that title lmao. Too much pressure.
11 Likes
Yeah this is definitely a divided and mixed opinion in the IF community, some authors want the MC to be a blank slate for roleplaying purposes while others prefer to have an established MC character. If you ask me having a well written pre established MC gives the writing and story so much more potential on character relationships, character development, plot and even personality.
A good author can do this and still give freedom of choices for the MC in regards to personality such as being sarcastic or intimidating. To each their own but the best stories I’ve read in the IF space never has the MC being a completely blank slate. For example in this story having the MC having their soul taken and being kicked out of the hunters association makes things interesting, having a cool God Hunter nickname as well, these things give uniqueness rather than having 10 flavour text choices for your room being messy or clean or wearing a particular outfit choice.
I just finished reading the newest chapter, the beginning part was nice and but the fight scene was way too short and it ended with the MC passing out again so easily and getting rescued just like another detective who keeps getting beat up that I know in a small town. Like why is the God Hunter weak af? In 17 chapters he/she fought only twice against nobodies and passed out twice for major reason so that bothers me.
Also some errors are there, in this playthrough my MC is female and the gargoyle said “the oracle is dead because of him”
Another one is when the gargoyle said “you look a lot like Halina, a twin sister” and one of the choices that I got was “I go slack jawed, it can’t be because I’m a woman”? I’m assuming this is a mistake.
The POV shift was definitely a nice addition and something I wish most IFs would implement more often so nice one on that, however in chapter 17 the POV shift was unnecessary as this chapter only has the chosen POV character go investigate the house (again) and talk to the gargoyles.
Definitely see where you’re coming from on MC feeling weak. I could possibly tweak it, so that instead of passing out, they’re forced to sit on the sidelines since they got a broken arm. It’d take a little rewriting but it wouldn’t be impossible. The only reason I did it in the first place is simply because of the pain and the body deciding “Eh, nuff being conscious, this sucks.”
The “him” part was intentional.
I’m not sure what you mean when you mention the choice, however. Did I write it wrong? I’ll have to look, because it’s in response to Diantha (somehow) mistaking a female MC for a man.
Bah- I’m sorry you’re so unhappy with it. I hope you don’t feel like you’ve wasted your time by reading it.
7 Likes
I just want to point out that plenty of people like murder mysteries where the MC doesn’t have a personal stake in the cases. If you want to write that, you should.
8 Likes
Thank you!
I’m just a bit… bummed, I guess?, that my only other answer can be “I swear, in book 2, there’s more of this and that!” Whether anyone finds it delivers on that remains to be seen ofc, but I’d understand it if people were frustrated. Because the first book should generally come out swinging, I suppose.
And I think I swung.
I just hit the air instead of the ball
9 Likes
But the writing says the gargoyle was pointing at you as the gargoyle said that so I’m assuming that the gargoyle is mistaking my MC as a man despite my 2nd playthrough playing as a woman.
Also yeah its fine, no story is perfect except FH or maybe the OG Heroes Rise trilogy, I think its great so many authors are trying their hand at writing even if the work is more for fun than professional level.
In fact the best works come from Hosted Games or WIPs that I’ve read, COG works are so soulless in my view, it just feels like “ok I’m gonna write a book for a quick cheque lol”
I like your work trust me, I just think it could be improved and elevated to the next level. I’ve seen WIPs and finished works get roasted and tbh some authors deserve it because they ignore feedback.
For example I think its fine that the MC passes out, but try to emphasize the damage through your writing more, also write in more events and battles so it makes sense, the fight scene was very brief and the MC took some damage but they suddenly passes out, it makes the MC feel like the damsel in distress nonstop.
Also to add to your point yes the first story should come out swinging, kinda like the first pilot episode of a tv show or the first movie in a movie trilogy. Usually the first one is the best and the 2nd one is always not as good for some reason, Matrix/James Bond and Avengers being examples.
But hey once you complete book 1 you can always learn from it and write book 2 with all the new feedback you got. The CWs Arrow for example came out swinging with seasons 1 and 2, 3 was lame and 4 was bad but 5 was a masterpiece.
Please don’t feel bumped out, you really do great and you can’t satisfy all of us to 100 percent. And I feel it’s okay that MC is unconscious around the 17th chapter, she is foremost a human and she already got bumped, hurt and bruised before, not only hurt bodywise but mentally as well, so everything together would be understandable for MC to faint.
4 Likes