I really like what you have so far. The concept is very intriguing. I want to know more about the elven empire and what life is like for humans in it. The elves saying, we helped you, bend the knee, is not too far off from mob style extortion, but apparently they’re also paragons of order. And if the empress and by extension her empire is as over powered as they appear are we being insanely stupid to not bend the knee, when they can easily destroy us and it’s very possible that life is fine or better under her rule.
It reminds me of the Mongols. They would often offer a chance to bend the knee to rulers in the path of their conquests. And if they did, they and their people were treated well. If they refused, of course they were sacked and burned. It’s also said that the Mongol empire was very good at dealing with crime. The silk road was never safer than it was under Mongol rule. Decent quality of life and a chance to avoid the sacking and burning, I’m bending the knee.
The ultimate goal seems to be to create order so that empress won’t want to come in create chaos. But I hope they’ll be the opportunity for some political machinations to avoid following Samuel off a cliff, if it seems like it’s gonna go that way.
Maybe I need more reasons why kneeling to the elves would be so bad. I understand not liking it out of stubbornness and arrogance, we just won the kingdom and nobody likes being told what to do. But these reasons aren’t good enough to have me charge into a battle it seems like I’ll surely lose.
I think the characters have a lot of potential and I understand why you have the plot dividing us up, but it still feels like a shame to be separated from everyone from the intro. Also, you can’t tell us how hot these elves are not have them romanceable.
I think I would make the prince the one to deliver the ultimatum at the beginning. It’s more personal of the empress to send her son and he’s more threatening and awe inspiring. Kamilla can be there too and then it can just be her the second time around and it would work great if you can find an excuse to have her stick around. Add another interesting character and potential RO to your homebase to interact with. With the intrigue of potentially flipping her to your side.
Thanks for the feedback! I love hearing what impression my work has left so far.
I didn’t want to dump a ton of lore in the first chapters but I’ll get more into what the Three Empires themselves are like as the story progresses. The elves aren’t evil or anything, humans aren’t enslaved under their rule. However, part of the reason for Samuel’s defiance is rooted in the history (that I’ll also get into later) between humans and elves. Long story short, the gods of elves and humans were tricked by into going to war with each other which ultimately resulted in most of humanity’s lands being conquered. So there’s a lot of bad blood to start.
The Kingdom of Aelin is like a King Arthur style kingdom, a symbol of humanity. It being reestablished is a new hope for them, so having it swiftly end with Samuel surrendering would pretty much be the end of human independence. So it is partially rooted in pride but said pride runs deeper than Samuel himself. It’s sort of a “are we going to reclaim our own destiny or let Aurelia rule over us forever?” Of course there is also a personal level, Samuel lost his wife to the war so he feels he’d be disgracing her sacrifice if he then surrendered the kingdom anyways.
I’ve got some ideas in mind for how the MC’s actions will play into how the Mandate goes, but I’m still working those out. Suffice to say, the player will have agency even if they’re not the king or empress.
The MC will get to meet up with them during interludes where more dialogue/story stuff takes place, but yeah it’s unfortunate they have to be separated. But I figure they wouldn’t have a lot to do in the manageable phases.
Got an elf RO (who hasn’t appeared yet) in mind but we’ll see. I considered Elasha at first but her character is meant to have more of a mentor/somewhat motherly (depending on player input) relationship with the party and I didn’t think a romance route would enhance the character.
My thought process was that Kamila was basically Aurelia’s version of politely welcoming Aelin to the empires. While sending her son was her way of going, “I’m serious” but that’s an interesting idea. I don’t want to tweak too much till I’ve finished the first draft but I’ll probably make a few changes like that in a future revision.
Kamila herself will appear throughout the story as something of a diplomat, so the MC will get to know her beyond her station later.
