[WiP] The Araxmus Affair - Part 2 posted 10/03/2021

[Sinnie]

This is my first ever WiP and the first time I’ve shared any writing in some years, so I’m a little nervous. Please don’t hold back in your (constructive) criticsm though! This WiP is something very different from a typical CS game and WiP. It may not pan out as an idea - we shall see.

The aim of this project is to get me writing more regularly and sharing that writing for comments. I’m also hoping it’ll be a bit of fun for everyone in the community as you all get to choose the plot as I write it. Exciting, huh?

There is no plot or character summary. Why? Because they haven’t been written yet!

What is so different about this story?

I haven’t written 10s of thousands of words or included loads of choices. Instead I have written about 1,000 words with a single choice at the end. That same choice is included in a poll on this post, I invite you all to cast your vote. The winning choice is the one that I will write for the next part.

That next part of about 1,000 words will also end in a choice, to be presented in a poll for your vote. And so on until the story is written - something like 10-20,000 words. Obviously the finished story won’t be a choice based story (as you will have made all the choices already - and I’m only writing the content for the chosen options) - so this is not with a view to write a published game in any way.

I will also have additional polls for story related items that don’t directly relate to an active choice.

Why am I doing it like this?

I want to get more practice at writing and I really like the CS approach - but it requires a lot of time and effort in planning, writing, editing and testing. Whilst I am working on a full blown CS project, I am hoping that this story enables me to write and release more quickly. It should be good writing experience for me.

Each poll will run for 24 hours (at least initially) and then I’ll aim to write and post the next part in the following 1-3 days. By only writing one branch I have less to write to make a meaningful update, I don’t have to worry about consistency between choices/branches, I don’t have to write much code and it makes editing everything a lot simpler. Additionally, this is not a super serious piece of literature, so the story can be a little inconsistent and wild - I will be making up the plot as I write each part after all

I am actively encouraging feedback on my writing, style, grammar, pacing, characters… literally everything. Consider this a very active, open, community driven project. Though it is worth pointing out that having extensive customisation of characters and little events is not practical, as I won’t be putting loads of choices into the game (as each choice requires a post and a poll).

Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/go/7980
Latest part: Part 2 (10/03/2021)

Who is your accomplice?

• Madeline - Your ex-wife and master of disguise. Their silver tongue and elegance belie a cold interior
• Joshua - A long time friend and expert forger. Somewhat awkward and weak willed, they have always been loyal
• Blim - A highly skilled acrobat you hired specifically for this job. They have been very professional and barely speak. You have only met them three times before today
• General Akam - The person who hired you to do this job. You know nothing about them except their face.

What choice will you pick?

• I trust them completely and our plan was a good one. We are in no immediate danger. I’ll follow my accomplice as planned
• This is unsettling. I’m not sure if I can trust my accomplice or that our escape hasn’t been compromised. I’ll make my own getaway and decide what to do later
• I don’t like this at all. It’s looking like a trap. I’ll throw them off by staying on the train

Mods: Please make this post a wiki so that I can come back and edit. Thanks!

[marvelfreak3000]

Shouldn’t the ex-wife be referred to as her?

[Sinnie]

Yes, you’re right. Joshua is also male - not that it matters as I think there’s a clear winner.

[AMER1CANN1NJA09]

Umm how about adding some information on what the game is about. For example: you are the son/daughter of ____. or you are a prince who has been disowned and you need to prove your worth to your family.

[Sinnie]

Do you mean in the post, or story itself?

Part of the reason for why there is no backstory in the post is because I haven’t really written any yet. I’m writing the story as we go and I’ll likely include polls to flesh out specific backstory items in future parts. I can then include a burb in the first post to summarise the key points once they are established.
I know it’s a weird way round of doing things - and it might be that it doesn’t really work, considering that most people are here for ‘proper’ choice games.

[goliath]

This is unique, personally not my taste, but your writing is nice.

[Sinnie]

Part 2 is here, another 961 words, plus various edits to part 1. A day later than I had hoped, but still within my planned timeframe (so taking that as a win).
Our accomplice has transformed into our ex-wife Madeline and we chose to trust her and that everything was under control.

As always, any comments welcome. This is primarily an exercise for me to improve my writing.
On that note, I included a small section as practice on subtle revelation. Who thinks they know why the MC and Madeline broke up?

I do want to focus on my entry for the CHOMP contest and so might park this project for now (as it isn’t a super serious CS game in any case). We will see.

In any case, the choice at the end of part 2 for your vote:

Who is Sam?

• Sam is your technical consultant. You have worked with her for many years. She takes care of all your electronic business. She was responsible for bypassing the security systems today.
• Sam is your man on the street. A childhood friend who preferred getting his hands dirty. He manages most of your contacts and had his people shadowing you the whole way today.
• Sam is in fact S.A.M, or Surveillance, Awareness and Management. A highly sophisticated A.I that you utilise to plan and monitor every mission.

And secondly, who are we?

Who is the MC?

• A criminal through and through. If it pays, we do it. That’s all there is to it.
• A revolutionary, fighting against a broken system. You have cast aside your morals in the pursuit of a higher cause.
• An ordinary citizen driven to desperate measures by a tragedy.
• A disillusioned insider who could no longer take part in the crimes of the establishment. Something had to be done.

[idonotlikeusernames]

Could there at least be a choice to genderflip Madeline to Michael or something? As right now I feel it forces the mc to be either a straight man or lesbian woman.