So I read the story, without any bugs . The scene with the laptop was better to understand than before, good work.
I do not hate Jacob and am not sure, why I should but the scene was nice. Everything in the first chapters feels a bit rushed. The day with Jacob could be a bit more detailed, as it is, there ist not much to feel a connection between the MC and him. I suppose he plays a role in the story so having a relationship with him should form. So the only relationship is the one before the game starts. So as a player there ist no connection at all.
If he is not that important, everything is ok.
I must say it seems to me, as if we as the player had not much choice about what happens. More than once I thought the text after a choice felt, like I might have gotten the same text, even if I had chosen a different choice. Even If the choice is only different in the flavor text, you should try to make it unique.
I found some Missing words and mistakes but did not Screenshot them yet. If you would like that, feel free to rell me.
@Kaelyn
Oh and Jacob does have a very good twist in the end. I kinda want him to fade into the background
just like another character in the choicescript. That the reader forgets about but him comes into the ending like a big surprise.
I think I have revealed a little too much. But I want Jacob to seem like a controlling friend.
If youāre a female, Jacob will seem like heās a controlling guy that has a crush on you. (You will get to choose an option if he has a crush on you) But if you donāt he will be a very controlling guy.
I want the reader to have a little bit of hatred towards Jacob. Iām not the best at emphasizing anger. Since I donāt feel it much. Except when saving doesnāt work.
Yea, so if your a male Jacob will seem like a controlling-mean older brother.
And for nonbinary it will be the same as female.
sometimes I forget that quicktest exists.
But now since Iāve learned from many people that my grammar is trash cause Iām always rushing.
I knew quicktest was a thing but never used it for some reason.
@will thanks for saving my WIP for the 9348345millionth time
Iāve been working on chapter three I already have it pretty much doneā¦.totally not lyingā¦
But I want to know what you guys want for chapter 4,
Itās basically coming to the school, like the school is just starting and meeting your roommate,(What personality do you guys want for your roommate. What personality do you guys want for the new RO.
Just give me some context on what you guys want for chapter 4, Iāve already got it all planned but what my readers want.
Ok, so Iāve finished chapter 3 and releasing it on tuesday. I donāt want you guys to wait so long when it 's a 2 sentence chapter! jk jk lol tho still itās gonna make you ask questions.
CHAPTER 4 PT 1 IS HERE. After working my ass off, pulling- all-nighters itās finally here!
I probably say itās gonna be way better than all of the chapters. Iāve made the whole IF just way better!!!
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NEW CHARACTERS AND one RO!!!
Forgot to tell you but I changed Marilyn to Allison if you see anything that says āMarilynā send screenshots!!!
Wow thank you for all the frequent chapter drops. It very consistent of you. However itās nice to give yourself more time to relax and pace yourself too. Reading that you pulled an all-nighter for this one concerns me. Please be mindful of your health and happiness as well. Do not worry about other people. We will always be here to support you and your creativity. Thank you for the update and good luck!
. The scene with the laptop was better to understand than before, good work.
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