Hate to say it as much as I love seeing Steel get some depth to his character as well as showing some humanity I can’t wait to fight him and figure out once and for all which of us is the better hero
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Steel is of course the better hero but is he better than us… ?
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Heh true but Sidestep was a hero just not a Ranger
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An additional thought just occurred to me about the Handyman and the potential threat he represents as well as an opportunity. While the MC is contemptuous of his skill and intelligence he was clever enough to figure out our target and arrange an ambush while bringing appropriate equipment with him that could actually disable the MC if he is underestimated. In fact his intelligence and detective skills are impressive enough that I’d be worried about the MC interacting with him in their civilian identity as he would not be blinded by nostalgia like Ortega and Steel or hero worship like Herald and could potentially see through their disguise. That covers the threat the opportunity comes from the possibility to manipulate him if done carefully though I am unable to see how this could be done at the moment with the information that is available
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You have no idea when you became on first name basis with Herald, but you suppose he can’t just call you Sidestep.
We did tell him to call us by name and not “Sidestep” when we first met in Book 1 though.
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@smuteczekbiczo - Goood spot! Forgot that! Fixed!
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Oh damn, this update is fantastic. I read the preview of Steel’s conversation on Tumblr, but playing through it and finding out he was sceptical of what he was told and tried to look for the MC anyway? When not even Ortega did? I think my MC’s respect for Steel just grew considerably, especially when it was implied he found out something that was too dangerous to pursue… it makes me wonder about the sympathetic epilogue with Ortega and Steel in Rebirth, especially since they’re the only two who have a history with Sidestep.
Especially with the choice that the MC might tell the Rangers more about what went on in the Heartbreak incident (and their realisation that the Rangers truly know almost nothing about a night that killed two heroes is heartwrenching) and I really hope we get the chance to make good on that. Although oddly, after that conversation with Steel, I think my MC would find it easier to tell Steel than Ortega (especially since they’re in a relationship with Ortega, they’re slightly terrified of messing their relationship up after only a few months, plus he’s Ortega) which is a strange thing to think.
And the bit where the MC asked if Steel found what he was trying to find and he says “I didn’t find you” just. I can’t remember whether you confirmed a Steel romance or not, but damn that was a fantastic moment (though becoming friends with him looks like it’ll be equally great). My MC was genuinely convinced that Steel hated them, so that entire conversation was just kinda quietly mind-blowing for them.
In other news, Ortega and the MC’s conversation was a beautifully fluffy mess, especially since it looks like Ortega’s going towards confronting Hollow Ground and their entire organisation. Shit, poor Steel and the MC must have had jobs as full-time Ortega babysitters back in the day (not as if that’s really changed for either of them, but Ortega seems a little less reckless than in the Sidestep flashbacks). Herald’s conversation was nice too, but it was mostly the same stuff as the Tumblr preview for that - have to say though, I hope we get some options to act reluctantly mentor-like to Herald, since my MC feels weirdly flattered to realise they were Herald’s role-model when he was growing up
But um, I could probably go on about the update for ages, but I noticed there were a few pages were kinda long so I should probably mention those.
Ah, the media, your biggest ally. The foot soldiers in your war though they have no idea.
As you settle in to wait, you chuckle to yourself as you think back.
A smile on your face.
The studio air is thick with fear, all eyes on you, the cameras rolling quietly. The lights are focused on the set, everything else remains in shadow. Only what is in front of the cameras is real.
The flashback starts around halfway down the page, and I think it’d be better if the flashback was on its own page. I know that would mean the next page would be a bit short, but when it’s flashbacks longer than a paragraph or two, it’s easier to read and more immersive if they start on the next page.
“Just a chat,” you say, doing your best to dial down your threatening tone. “Between friends.”
“Hardly.” There’s the briefest of pauses before he continues. “I know who you are.”
“And I know that you are Mayor Alvarez aide.”
“Are you here to kill me?”
During the chat with Vanderpoel (and later again in the chat with Steel, though someone else already mentioned that), it gets kinda hard to understand who’s talking with the lack of dialogue tags or description.
It’s also a pretty long page, and maybe cutting it between “You brace yourself as it swerves out of control, crashing into the railing” and “What? Who?” would increase the suspense, and make the Handyman’s introduction a tad more interesting.
And then you collapsed.
There was a reason you had the nanovores neutered. You don’t ever want to live through that again.
“Hey.” Ortega’s hand on your shoulder. Warm. Heavy. “It’s over.”
This is another page that’s a bit on the long side, plus having the line break around this bit would work well with the shift of conversation from the Nanosurge to heroism/the MC’s villain persona.
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The scene when Herald takes flight with Sidestep could perhaps use another touch of dialogue for those who are afraid of heights. I chose the cling to him tightly and “get off!” choices once they were both on the rooftop but they played more into the fear of touch rather than the fear heights.
But in the end I don’t know, maybe Sidestep doesn’t have a fear of heights because of their hero work or it might be the fear of touch overriding everything else. You don’t have to include more dialogue or options if it’s too much of a hassle, I just wanted to point it out and get your own input 
Found one more thing.
My MC got to tell Steel he spoke to Argent, even though he did no such thing. I chose to stay with Herald in the elevator.
Still, when I chose: I apologize, I’m here to build bridges, not break them.
I got this:
“Sorry” you say, just in case. You’re here to build bridges, not break them. “I’m not here to complain about Argent. In fact, I gave her a talk about teamwork earlier.”
“That sounds unlikely.” It doesn’t look like he believes you.
Yay! Finally a bit with Herald and as always he’s causing very mixed feelings in my mc.
Minor spelling issues:
You always knew he couldn’t measure up to the hype. Missing a k there.
Steel haven’t hasn’t taken to the field in months and Lady Argent…"
Hollow Ground have has been your obsession for as long as I’ve known you, isn’t it time to let go?"
He’s still here," Ortega says, and you know it’s true. Hollow Ground have has been running the Los Diablos Underground since you started your career, he’s a legend.
and you wonder how much red tape he has gone up against to try to find out the truth. missing an h.
“Because the Rangers needs you.” Herald says it with the kind of conviction you’ve always envied. hould just be a singular need.
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"We’ll continue this later," you growl stepping out of the car, leaving a terrified Vanderpoel behind.
There was a car here, now it’s gone. (I made the nanos ate it, so that piece of text is odd)
*if ortega_relationship = "friends"
The text following this variable is impossible to reach since MC’s relationship with Ortega is “friend”, not “friends”.
"It was bad?" It’s a question he already knows the answer to.
"Of course it was." I cross my arms and lean back.
While talking to Steel, first person instead of second.
My Charlie is going to Terra the fuck out of the Rangers, so I’ll keep building those friendships until everything comes crashing down on everyone’s overly trusting heads >:D
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I just want to say that each update makes me like stubborn Ortega more and more. It seems that the MC only call him by name when he s being annoying. I think they should do that more frequently though; it is just like a sentimental gesture to me 
Heralds is adorable. I mean I don’t think I can hate someone admiring me even if I hate myself. 
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Wanted to hate him. Wanted to. Cant now; I just feel so damn guilty for what happened now.
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Yeah, Heral’s my mc’s rival but he just can’t help but be crazy attracted (possibly in love) with the brat in “normal” persona. Still the kid also has a way of being very annoying, but then my mc has his villain persona to get that part out of his system.
Your villain scared and crippled the poor boy too?
Yup. Uggghhhhhhh, while im loving/hurting Ortega ill be mentoring (in a way)/scaring Herald. and then there is Steel who actually cared to look for my MC so now i dont want to do anything. I blame you @malinryden
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MC could’ve gotten the heat after the fall, but getting the speed enhancements would contradict that.
My character claim Argent almost attacked me even thought she just have been a little bit rude and then walked out of the elevator
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Amazing update! Some things that caught my attention were:
- In Book 1 I remember my puppet flirting with Dr. Mortum but even though they were flirting they didnt go to the gala together. In the choices, there seems to be only options for the puppet to go to the gala with Dr. Mortum if they are anything more than friends.
- Also my MC placed an ace hole in Lady Argent’s mind but already used it in Book 1. There was no option or question asking whether or not it was used, causing a later scene to ask if I was going to use it when I already used it up in Book 1.
- Another note is that I remember my MC beating Lady Argent in battle but my MC never procured her hair or anything. The choice seemed to automatically believe I did though. This is right after I chose “Yes” to the question about beating her >>> (Ignore the question and choices)
-
I chose my puppet to flirt with Ortega (they didnt go to the gala together nor are they dating) but in the flashback Ortega has a conversation with my puppet about breaking up? It is slightly confusing due to the fact that they were never dating in the first place. I guess it would make more sense if Ortega tries to express that he can’t continue their “thing” and maybe exclude phrases like “break up”? Idk maybe it’s just me but the whole “breaking up” conversation feels out of the place for my characters, it would make more sense if it was a conversation about Ortega not being able to keep this flirty thing going on instead of a break up conversation.
Sounds reasonable for a serious relationship, but a little too heavy for just a chill flirty relationship. ^
- Awkward moment where my MC puppet chose to try to fix things with Ortega and he thought I was telling a joke. I think (?) he had the same reaction to a previous choice so it might be a continuity loop or something. Not sure. (tbh his reaction is hilarious though)
- I’ve replayed a few times and I see that in the interaction between the MC and Ortega in his private office, Ortega always says the line "You have a point. Not a point I’m going to listen to but a point nonetheless"
I see how it can work for some choices but I feel as though it takes away the power and the tension that was there previously in a rushed way (for this choice [asking what Ortega told Herald -> “Don’t be ridiculous” (when Ortega asks if MC wants to be remembered as a hero]). Especially in that case/choice (shown below), I feel as though without him saying that, the flow and the mood of the scene would set itself more memorably.
IN CONCLUSION: Loved the update! I am so excited and so grateful for all the time and hard work you put into your story and characters. I cannot express how much respect I have for authors like you who truly bring out their full efforts into creating something life changing for the readers. You guys are the best!
*So sorry for the amount of screenshots, this is my first time giving feedback and I hoped to be as specific as possible to not cause confusion. Sorry if I did though!
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“Is that so bad?” you say, and tries to look innocent as you continue; "I mean I can see how it could be, if you had something to hide in there and never wanted anyone to see.
“you say and try to”, not tries. Or maybe even “you say, trying to”
Eh anyway I keep replaying it and I only love Herald more and more… He’s too cute is2g. Let me smooch him pls. Ortega you have a serious competition.
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Some things I picked up after the updated update:
- Picking to rob the gala still assumes failure in this line
Tearing your future from the hands of the rich, that you lost the cash was nothing but the smallest setback. At least you escaped with your life. For others it was touch and go.
Poking in the code, I’m guessing it’s because in the char creation choosing to rob only sets wealth to “wealthy” and money/muchmoney is always set to false. Guess that might just be a demo-specific issue though?
- This line about Herald (when he was my nemesis and my name was Sidestep) has a somewhat awkward flow:
Does he hate you now? Despise you for everything you’ve done? The legacy you’ve despised? Oh if only he knew the truth. Maybe one day you’ll tell him.
Maybe change “the legacy you’ve despised” to “the legacy you’ve tarnished”
- I think the whole page that begins “It feels longer. Like things have always been this way. Like you have always been dressed in your form-fitting armor, ready to take on the world.” could be split up by character/theme. The lines I’d suggest for the page break selection:
A night you remember clearly.
Lady Argent.
- I’m still getting weirdness implying a confrontation with Argent even when I chose to stay with Herald in the elevator. Here:
“You don’t have to be that powerful to be dangerous.”
“Lady Argent seems to agree with you.” You glance over towards the door. “She attacked me earlier. She’s dangerous.”
In the code, looks like it’s only checking to see if she managed to choke MC or not, not if she attempted to attack at all. Seconding KP_Paul about MC saying " I gave her a talk about teamwork earlier.” when MC just avoided her. Guessing another variable will need to be added here?
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