Wrong pronoun here
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Thank you, I’ll fix it with the next update. 
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Finally finished the update, it was great! Excited for more!
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Just managed to finish reading this. Great story! Need more Murder waifu Elaine tho!
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Keep in mind that Tolkien didn’t wrote the entire lore of the world in the first book, he spread it across the sagas. I think that makes it easier to “digest” than front-loading the first entry. I’m also worried that this might result in the first book being very large and subsequent ones being much smaller; that disparity might make some people / potential costumers unhappy.
Just something to consider.
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Hey, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Don’t worry, you’ll see more of her soon. I’m very much looking forward to writing her scenes.
Well, of course, the MC won’t be traveling to every corner of the world in the first book, and I’m also trying my best to minimize any info/lore dumps to allow the readers to uncover the world alongside the MC as they experience it.
No need to worry about that, since there is plenty of story mapped out for Books 2 and 3. Overall, I’m striving to make each book feel complete/ a standalone experience in its own right, rather than just a prequel to the next.
However, I’m still kind of new to this whole writing thing, so I’ll try my best to improve and deliver the best story possible for you guys. Thank you for your feedback!
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I love the story, and honestly this is one of those WIPs I’m really keeping up with, looking at the forum daily to see if there is a new update.
But I wanna ask, will there be a Caesar/Napoleon esque path for the MC? That is, use military and later political success and popularity to make turn the Republic into an Empire.
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Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it!
Not in Book 1, but yes. It’ll be one of the main paths.
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Great work
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Hey everyone!
I hope you’re all doing great! Just wanted to let you know that I’ve uploaded a new update, aiming to finish up more of Chapter 3 Part 1.
This update brings around 110k new words to the story. There are a lot of new variables, though, so you will need to start a new save to play the update.
As always, if you have any feedback, critiques, or suggestions, feel free to share them with me!
Link to the updated demo: [Here]
List of changes
-Fixed numerous grammar and spelling errors throughout the chapter.
-Fixed a bug where Goren doesn’t appear during the duel scene despite selecting him as your second.
-Added small epigraphs before every chapter.
-Changed the female “sir” variant from “lady” to “ma’am” since it feels more fitting in a military context
-Juna’s gift from Chapter 1 can now be selected on a fresh save and used during the duel scenes (except for the ring)
-Iris’s route was expanded: you can now write a letter to her and have it sent with Hadji
-Your security detail can now join the duel scene as your second
-Added a new security detail path for MCs who didn’t meet the squad on their first day or just didn’t like them.
-You can now choose to refuse leaving the rearguard behind in the village.
Also here is the list of all added choices (excluding the above mentioned additions, of course):
“Argh, why can’t I have a boring future?” (Cassius card reading)
“…Smart” (Zenon-Julia subplot)
You roll your eyes at Nemio. “I don’t remember asking you to follow me around all the time.” (MC wandering around the camp on the first night)
A small smile forms on your lips. “Of course, I’d be a fool to turn away advice while I’m still learning the ropes.” (Ridic shows the MC their tent on the first day)
“Sometimes, I guess,” you say with a shrug. “Depends on the person.” (Zenon-Julia subplot)
“…With good looks.” (Zenon-Julia subplot)
Let’s discuss my security detail first. (Second day, after MC’s second meeting with their centurions)
“We burn them later; there are more pressing issues right now.” (assignment → Route 3)
You grin. “You’re so precious.” (Zenon scene, when you ask him about General Leona)
“Children shouldn’t drink wine.” (assignment → Route 2 → choose to send the villagers away without escort → find Sera and bring her back to her brother)
“But what if we see a great opportunity to strike first?” (Scene where General Leona gives MC their assignment → “Should we be expecting enemy forces in the area?”)
“I do, and I’m not stopping any time soon.” (Zenon-Julia subplot)
“Please don’t make me repeat myself,” you interrupt with a grin. “It never ends well for either of us.” (MC ordering Nemio outside during Hadji’s first scene)
“Well, I don’t” (After Ridic tell his story about Ketterham and leaves the tent)
You almost scoff. “So is that all it takes? Some careful building of sympathy, and you’re convinced?” (After Ridic tell his story about Ketterham and leaves the tent)
You hold his gaze without fliching. “I do not think you will.” (MC trying to get past the militaman barring their way in Route 2/Route 1)
"I will not gamble with the lives of these villagers while I remain sheltered behind stone walls. (MC chooses to meet the enemy commander to propose a duel)
“I believe you should mind your own business.” (When MC tells Mira and her squad about Iris during their first meeting)
“I’ve already said more than I should…” (When MC tells Mira and her squad about Iris during their first meeting)
You simply stare back at her, offering nothing. (When MC tells Mira and her squad about Iris during their first meeting)
“You knew my grandfather, well, then.” (MC’s first meeting with Grand Mage Cassius)
“My grandfather was a traitor,” you say sharply. (MC’s first meeting with Grand Mage Cassius)
“I was under the impression that your orders were to get these people moving, Decanus.” (MC meets the scouts in Route 2/Route 1 who tell them that the Elder won’t abandon the village)
You turn to Gaius and Ridic. “What do you suggest?” (MC meets the scouts in Route 2/Route 1 who tell them that the Elder won’t abandon the village)
“Speak to me in that tone again, and I will have your rank for it,” you snap. (When Optio Juliana flirts with the MC as they watch the rearguard prepare)
“It’s not naive optimism. It’s pragmatism.” (In the “Anyone else I should worry about?” choice - MC needs to have a love-hate romance with Barnabas and then speak with him before the war council)
“What would Kolven think?” (When Captain Flavius invites the mc to a drink in Route 2 - must have sent the villagers away without escort)
“Sure, why not?” (When Captain Flavius invites the mc to a drink in Route 2 - must have sent the villagers away without escort). This choice adds 3 more subchoices
You smile. “That is more than enough.” (When MC talks with Zenon before the war council - must have romance progress + had a big argument in chapter 2)
If he won’t relent, then you simply have to resort to your most tried and true tactic: bugging him until he does. (When MC talks with Zenon before the war council - must have romance progress + had a big argument in chapter 2)
“You’re a damn child,” you snap, frustration threading through your voice. (When MC talks with Zenon before the war council - must have romance progress + had a big argument in chapter 2)
“So you’re the leader of this army” (When MC meets the enemy commander in Route 2)
You nod. “Understandable enough.” (When Mc asks Zenon about General Leona before the war council)
“What purpose could this possibly serve?” (Route 3 - church scene)
You can’t find it in yourself to finish the thought. Instead you approach the tiny figure beneath the overturned pew… Someone will pay for this (Route 3 - church scene)
“What does the fox card mean? Or the bear, for that matter?” (When Cassius draws cards for the MC)
“Why do gods need underlings?” (When Cassius draws cards for the MC)
“Why do the Ceovarii hate the Republic anyway?” (When MC meets Goren for the first time - MC walking around the camp on the first day)
“What history are we talking about exactly?” (You can unlock this after the ““Why do the Ceovarii hate the Republic anyway?”” choice)
Added a choice to Route 1 where the MC comes across Little Brutus (a wolfhound)
Added a small variation to the duel scene where the MC meets Asher once again: now, if the MC brings Nemio, he will react to it.
Added a choice to trust Nemio’s instincts about Ridic (day 1)
Tomorrow, I’ll put a pause on fleshing out Part 1 even more and start working on Part 2, which will also include a fully fleshed-out Route 1, since the two share a lot of early scenes.
Thank you all for your patience and support. I hope you enjoy the new content!
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I wish to know, please forgive me if this is a weird question but I must know this! What is your most favourite book that has inspired you to write this beautiful story. I admit the Letter and all the, style of writing you have used throughout the years has particularly made me fond that I wish to ask what? English isnt my first language but is definitely the most easiest language I have found to study and read and I wish to expand it further! What books have inspired you to write this story and the art style of it. And how do you do it? As an inspiring writer I have never reached the point of writing my own book or game down despite the many ideas I have but never really started it. What schedule or habit do you use?
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So if i understood correctly, This update doesn’t advance the story that much?
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Finally completed my first play through. Oof! This is probably the longest WIP I have read in recent times. I still feel like I missed a few things. Probably requires a reread. Anyways here is my thoughts
My favourites (Spoiler)
- The character menu. It was quite detailed. I could learn more about each character. I appreciate that
- I enjoyed the option of getting extra star points if we have charisma. It was fun gimmick
- The POVs and other snippets all converging and beautifully placed.
- The world building is vast. I really wanted to know more. Especially regarding the paths of magic.
My least favourites and doubts (Spoiler)
- I feel the pace of the story is extremely slow. For 800k words I felt it should have progressed a lot more. It was quite detailed. Yet so slow.
- I usually feel immersion when reading story which is quite detailed and lore rich. Yet this time I didn’t feel much. Maybe it was because I didn’t take proper amount of break while reading this.
- We barely see stat usage/checks. (I think) That was kinda bummer for me.
- I have a good amount of doubts, like when we first return from festival in chap 1, why doesn’t soldier recognise our dad? Is there a way to escape capture? Did Leona know it was Eric who killed Juna? What happened to our uncle’s wife? These are tip of ice berg. I feel like I might have missed few things in this read. Because of burnout. So I will give a reread before I post all my questions.
Anyways I look forward to next update. So I could fully play chap 3 in my reread.
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Correct; this update mostly adds WIP content and some missing variation. The next update, however, will progress the story.
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Not a weird question, so don’t worry; I’ll send you a DM to answer your questions.
Thank you for giving it a read!
Pacing is something I haven’t received much critique on before, but I can understand where you’re coming from, of course. I’m still relatively new to this whole writing thing, so every point of critique helps me improve, and I’ll be actively working on making sure the pacing is better from now on.
There are a couple of hidden checks throughout the whole game, but yeah…there should be more. Chapter 3 onward is where I plan to make stat usage much more visible and, of course, meaningful.
You mean the one at the city gates? The MC’s father hasn’t spent significant time in the capital since his own father passed away decades ago, and even then, he always kept a low profile. Before that, it was really his father who was the public face of House Serin, so by the time the MC’s father came of age, he was little more than a name to most people, which is also part of why he could move through the city so freely with Lucius back in the day.
…Or at least this is my thinking.
Sadly, no…it’s come up a lot, and the honest answer is that it would branch the story so significantly that I don’t feel confident pulling it off well at my current level
It’ll come up properly in the story, but since you asked: she died in childbirth.
You’ll be able to learn more about the official (and Leona’s own) investigation during the later chapters.
Thank you, I’m looking forward to them 
. Critiques and suggestions are always welcome, so don’t hesitate. I’m always open to revisiting things that don’t quite work well… whether that means reworking something that doesn’t make sense or making certain details clearer in-game.
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I remember being a stat check for an option here. So I just wanted to know if it was actually possible.
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The chapter 3 skip doesn’t include the option to define how the MC is dealing, or not dealing, with their trauma.
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Thank you for the heads up; I’ll fix this.
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