Yeah, that’s intentional.
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The story is soooo great! Can’t wait to see what will happen next
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Once again, just like the bacon you so apparently covet, this story is just right!
I’ve kept my gushing hidden, but if you want to read some specific praise, here you go:
Here’s me enjoying your writing
The cognitohazard has made me the most spooked I’ve been in a while, so thanks bunches for keeping me from sleeping tonight. Really, all of the worldbuilding is fantastic, though—you’ve got a knack for keeping readers immersed and interested at all times. The ambience, the tone of the story, too… man, you’ve got me feeling paranoid—in a good way, of course. The persistence of eyes in the story really made me feel unnerved. By the end of the last chapter, I was more than half-crazed!
Castle’s act of a peppy voice contrasting with her stoic face was also really cool to read, as was (at least my playthrough’s) Whiskey’s possible earlier charismatic capitalization on the police officer’s attraction to her and then immediately going back to a deadpanning, snarky, grumpy-looking disposition after getting into the building—both are definitely professionals, ten times over.
Whiskey’s old ex-partner really intrigues me, and I can’t wait to see what happens in the next update!
There were a few stumbles in homophones and possible spelling mistakes, but I haven’t seen any mistakes frequently reoccurring, so I’ll compile any I see in my second playthrough instead of mentioning any right now. It’s really fun seeing your writing in a universe so different from ITFO’s! Keep up the great work.
7 Likes
I think that’s because, even with a bun, your hair is likely no longer than shoulder-length.
That’s a good idea! I’ve always felt as if I struggle describing skin tones and hair colors.
I swear I can’t help it. Every story idea I have starts with “a war veteran with a troubled past–” and builds from there.
Good catch.
Should be fixed now.
I’ve been going for a sort of action movie vibe, so it’s good to hear this!
I like spoiling my twists in advance. If I have you talk to Callan, and then suddenly the door is kicked in, it’s shocking, sure, but that’s all it is. If I have the reader know a threat is approaching, it makes what might normally be a boring exposition scene a lot more tense.
These questions will get addressed. Let’s just say that the conspiracy goes further than just Uvarov…
I honest to God listened to that song on loop when I wrote that scene.
Fixed!
It really does fit
Good to hear!
Y’all haven’t even met them yet lol
Damn, I’ll certainly take that.
Glad you enjoyed it!
As @Sujan_Dhakal says, that’s intentional.
Glad you enjoyed!
24 Likes
Doesn’t mean we can’t love them 
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Are you sure about this? 
Admittedly, I don’t know how one makes a military bun, but with shoulder-length hair, I’m not capable of making a bun. A teeny tiny ponytail, yes, but not a bun. Or maybe I just misunderstand shoulder-length hair?
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I think you should make that a bit clearer, by calling it medium length.
And I don’t think women in the military (the US military, at least) are that much less likely to have long hair. They would need to put it in a bun or completely cut it off, so why not have it your preferred length?
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I think you might be able to if the bun is at the nape of your neck. But I think it’s probably easier to cut it or keep it long. No bobs
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Lol fair enough!
No, I think this is on me. I’m a bit hair illiterate. The bottom line, I really don’t want Whiskey to start with super long flowing hair, but you’re not going to be mandated to super short hair, either.
I think medium is the best adjective to use.
There’s a character/plot reason for restricting hair styles early on. I was planning to have it change over time, though.
16 Likes
For buns; a length somewhere between shoulder-length and mid-back length (about 12/13 inches maybe?) is about the right amount of hair to do a military one with little trouble, unless you have hair like mine that refuses to be styled without copious amounts of hair product put into it, and Google says anywhere between 6 inches to 16 inches of hair is good for making buns.
For shorter hair (basically those around the 6-inch mark) ballerina-style buns would probably work better/be easier to do which is basically turning a high ponytail into a bun and using pins.
6 Likes
I don’t usually read sci-fi but this one is addicting, great job! I can’t wait for that reunion with him
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The following is a demo update.
Part four is done. I was planning on having more in this part, but I found a spot that I personally think is a fantastic cliffhanger to leave it on, so I decided to cut it here. This whole part is basically one giant 20k words action scene that takes you across the city.
In this part, experience:
- A gunfight
- Actions of questionable morality
- Drone warfare
- Trains
- More gunfighting
- And… someone else
There’s a pretty decent amount of variation, too, so please let me know if there are any continuity errors. Also looking for the usual feedback, so all typos and general thoughts would be appreciated.
Hope y’all enjoy!
101 Likes
Wow you definitely write really fast in less than 1 month 2 updates. Looking forward to playing this chapter.
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I’m not a native of course, but it seems to me that “medium” here sounds quite awkward. Just “play with strands of hair” should do if you have those strands.
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My dude are you ok? Your pumping out updates at an absurd pace.
My mental image of you with every update becomes more and more akin to a goblin hunched over a laptop in a dimly lit room surrounded by microwavable food wrappers(and so so so much coffee)
Follow this with maniacal laughter every thousand words or so.
All that to say good shit homie. Im baffled by the logistics of how you are doing it but i think the answer would just scare me, so i choose my blissful ignorance.
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I called the Cliffhanger and when I clicked next it still hurt- This story is so, so good I just wanna continue reading:sob:
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I keep looking back at the title and getting confused because I get Four and the “Part insert number Released” confused. With memory akin to a goldfish I’m not sure if it was previously Whiskey-Three, or always has been Four? A little flabbergasted
Really looking forward to action and of course, a certain somebody
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Thats an insane speed, 2 updates per month!
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Incredible! I haven’t been this excited over a wip in a long time. I love the way you write action scenes. You had me on the edge of my couch. I’m really excited to see how the reunion with Ulysses pans out, I’m a sucker for complicated relationships and lost loves.
16 Likes