Weeping Gods (WIP, 06/JUN/2025) (686K)

This chapter turned out to be very eventful, at first everything starts calmly and we just travel to Memphis, but then everything quickly goes wrong. And now our team is fighting not only to save Egypt, but also their own lives. I was afraid to turn the page from the moment MC entered the pyramid

at the same time Petmes just like:

Besides, the more we get to know Qenna, the sadder I feel. Life just doesn’t give him a break
his route will definitely be the most difficult of all the ROs

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Quick info: There was a bug in the quick character creator where it didn’t set the code for your weapons correctly. It should be fixed now.

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Is there a Zaia and Ahmose poly route?

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O Quenna, my emo sweetheart! Im alrdy so invested in :revolving_hearts: u! I love the update! And Narmer…omg :heart_eyes:

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Thank you everyone for the nice words! :heart:

Oooh that’s a nice pairing :eyes: I usually playtest him like that too, but I think this may be the first time I’m hearing about that pairing from someone else! ^^

Not at the campsite at night? :face_with_tongue:

And omg how did you take a 100% accurate photo of Petmes that’s totally him :index_pointing_at_the_viewer:

Yes.

That unhinged 100% danger sign that flashes above their head just draws people in like honey :raised_hands:

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I also romance Narmer as f!noble MC. Although, I do plan on trying every romance with each background at some point.

Currently, I pair noble with Narmer, theif with Qenna, priest with Zaia, and Im un decided on thief or noble for Ahmose, currently leaning more noble. I always play late twens for their route though. (I actually gasped put loud when I got the “you killed my cat” dialogue with Ahmose playing late teens noble for the first time. )

I finally finished playing all the routes for the new update, and it was so good! The various love interest scenes were so good. Romance is usually the selling point of an IF for me, but this is the first time I’m consisering making a no romance character to play the friendship only route. (For Pihu specifically, I need to make sure my sis is okay after everuthing that happened to her in chapter 3.)

Edit: accidentally posted before I was finished, if you wondee why this post doubled in length.

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When I replayed the game, I came across a random encounter with a tree and words carved into it. Is this a reference to this incident by any chance?:rofl:

In fact, the scene in the camp at night did not scare me. There were a lot of people around the MC who could help them. I even liked the oppressive atmosphere that permeated the entire camp. Unlike the pyramid, where the situation was extremely clear, but there were so many events that I read each page in suspense.

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Aww Pihu :heart_eyes: She would roll her eyes at you hearing that :heart_eyes:

One and the same :index_pointing_at_the_viewer: That poor Secundinus must have lots of hiccups in his grave.

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Summary

DID THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST THROW ME OFF THE SIDE OF THE GREAT PYRAMID?

That’s it. I’m killing him.

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Are the weapons/tablets Petmes offers you references to something? Like famous mythical weapons or items?

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No, but one of them belonged to a real life historical figure in-game.

Who? Zaia, or the guy whose name nobody remembers? :joy:

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Just discovered this WIP and I am in awe!! In love!! 10/10. I’m so invested in the storyline and the characters - Qenna has my heart, although his lil Guardian shares it too. Your writing is incredible and I can’t wait to read more of your work :tada::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I adore how the beginning of the story entangles all origins.
I salute your dedication to writing detailed charter backgrounds - quite a bit of work to type out.

First 3 ish chapters read like a light-hearted adventure. Especially with how informal everyone in MC’s group is, even with the pharaoh.
Moreso I was absolutely unprepared for the train wreck in ch 4.

My poor noble MC, still star-struck from being in someone’s dreams and caring arms got plunged head-first into a nightmare.

And after rightfully lamenting the obvious injustice got a death threat and no chance to set things straight.

Romance counter got wiped out, so game railroaded me into friendship route with the sister. And then demo ended.

Will we get a chance to have a frank talk with the pharaoh before romance lock, or does his path require grovelling before him during and after that horrible scene?

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I am SO going to rub it in that Petmes can’t remember his name!

(Not to mention my teeny, bald priestess is pretty pissed at Petmes over that, too. And pissed in general at Qenna. She’s a little bald ball of rage right now.)

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Qenna is sure gaining popularity since the beginning :smiley: I’m glad you like them! :heart:

The routes all need 2 romance points to be selectable, and there are 2 opportunities for that in Chapter 4. So unlocking another romance route is very much possible.

He will love it. I’ll put that into the conversation every time MC meets him in the future :joy:

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Added a few small fixes to the public demo. Is anyone having trouble getting the crystal? I think the code is fine for the battle options by now but some people have been commenting that they are having difficulties succeeding (although if you haven’t trained in your character’s natural talents, then it’s on purpose because then you will get different training scenes later).

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Qenna’s route… O_O You ok there, bud? That seemed unpleasant. But also very metal. If my noble wasn’t traumatized after his first kill he’s definitely traumatized now :upside_down_face:

Some great downtime and action moments this chapter. Shout outs to quiet MC bonding with Smile, noble buying a portrait of themself (lol. but also ouch), and all of Qenna’s scenes, really.

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mfw


Now to share my thoughts on The Argument™. I waited to dig into this to see if chapter 4 changed any of my feelings, but it did not.

Summary

I was a little surprised the MC has no opportunity to meaningfully react to the domestic violence scene. It makes sense for my sheltered noble who wouldn’t know wtf to do in that scenario, but presumably the captain has dealt with DV cases in the past? Imo MC’s reaction to the scene does not fit a ‘police captain’. Not saying they need to be able to jump in gun sword drawn, but an attempt to deescalate the situation by actually making their presence known? Or if Narmer has the legal right as god-king to beat his wife it should probably be commented on by the MC in-game.

Also, my first time playing this scene I chose the ‘stay back’ option, but when Nefru escalates the situation to physical violence and MC has no option to reassess their passivity I had to reload and choose the other option because it felt too out of character. Maybe delay this choice until after things turn violent, or give the option for the passive path to merge with the witness path?

I thought the aftermath scene of MC checking in with Narmer was handled well, but again felt some friction when we couldn’t also try to check in with Nefru (even if I suspect such an attempt would not be met well). I think being given so many options about how to respond to and feel about Narmer, but no option to consider Nefru an equal party in the scene really broke my immersion playing as the captain.

I was also pretty surprised there was no option to actually talk about the scene with Qenna in chapter 4 when they ask. It feels a bit odd to me that currently the only opportunity to actually do/say anything about witnessing a scene of DV is framed as a hysterical overreaction.


Misc. feedback (from before the new fixes)

It felt a bit out of character for my quiet MC to call out the princess like this.


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Feels like there’s a word missing here, ‘[things] that you are…’


Just wanted to say I liked this moment a lot. Idk exactly what it means yet, but I liked it.


Confusing sentence


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isn’t deep enough?


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Qenna pronoun error


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Confusing/contradictory


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finishing/he finishes


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skittering?


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have had


don’t


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too much ‘more’


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coop


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‘in under’ 5 mins/‘in less than’ 5 mins


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disgruntledly


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them


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unnecessary ‘on’


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‘say with awe’/‘say in awe’

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wandering?


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fall


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resorting?


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missing space


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razed


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weaving?


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Not sure if this is a generic thing Qenna says to everyone or if it should only be for 18YO MC, but I’ll mention I got it for a late 20s MC.


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whizzes


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nock


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A little confused by this bit, I think it’s a Qenna pronoun error?


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Well, considering MC just watched Qenna fall off a pyramid and rearrange every bone in his body, maybe it’s not that surprising :laughing:


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If you check the stats page in ch4 before getting a secondary weapon it appears like this

PS. I was able to get the crystal before the fixes, but I clicked through from the start instead of skipping ahead.

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That reminds me of that metalhead meme :joy: Qenna would be proud!

You can explain anything with ancient aliens. If the characters would know about it, it would be a running joke in the game (or maybe it already is :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:)

Thank you for the feedback. I did not edit anything in that scene yet. The new update added Chapter 4, but every scene, including those, will be revised, probably reworded, and edited later.

I would like to point something out about MC’s and Narmer’s social standing though, if that’s okay.

No matter how casual Narmer talks to someone, he is still a god-king. That was made clear pretty early on in the game, and you said it as well. Assuming that a simple police captain has any right involving themselves in the private business of the royal family, would be unthinkable to an Ancient Egyptian who lives in that society, which is why the MC didn’t even think about doing it. Even the noble MC, the only aristocratic MC, has a lower social status than the king and his family members, which the MC notes as well on several occasion.

The royal family exists in a completely separate hierarchy, and someone from a lower social class has no right inviting themselves into their business. Every MC knows that. Even the thief. The only reason MC felt the right to even go there was because they had an important message for the king.

Nefru demonstrates this situation pretty well when she talks to Ahmose in Ch4 in front of everyone and says that ‘she is having a private conversation’. In her mind, she was. Because she is a member of the royal family, and she has no obligation to consider anyone else around her. They should consider her and not listen when she isn’t talking to them. If MC had tried to approach her on their own, that would have been considered a massive insult. The MC doesn’t even think about her as an equal because she is not. She stands way above MC’s social status, but still not as high as the god-king. Narmer stands above everyone else.

Narmer and Ahmose talking to MC casually is their own personal courtesy to MC, but this is why MC was so freaked out in the beginning, because this is not the norm and no matter how much they can joke with Narmer and Ahmose, MC will never forget that they are still royalty. Alone, inside the royal wing, where MC wasn’t invited to, and when Narmer is having a private scene with his wife? If MC tried to get involved there, according to every societal law, they could have easily earned themselves an execution.

Now, obviously, Narmer wouldn’t have done that. But would MC risk it? Not if they have any common sense. So MC just stood there and waited until the argument was finished and Narmer started paying attention to them.

Even talking about what MC saw is considered a lese-majesty, which Tabiry tells you about if you choose that option. This is why nobody really wants to talk about it either, apart from making sure that MC won’t cause any frictions within the group. And also because Narmer is important to them, and they know him better than MC, so based on their own experiences, they are not going to believe MC’s word over their own judgment, because they’ve known Narmer for years (if not decades) and they only met MC like 2 weeks ago. That’s also why MC just leaves it at that because they know they shouldn’t force the subject. It’s just not worth it, especially since they can also feel that they are missing a huge part of the context.

So, if you keep these in mind, would you have any suggestions about how to improve those scenes? I don’t know, like… making this clearer? But how? :sweat_smile: I honestly thought these things were already clear, based on history. I’m pretty sure that this was (and maybe still is) the norm everywhere involving royalty. I’m just sitting here scratching my head because I can’t come up with anything more than this and I don’t want to do info-dumps about things that I hope a lot of readers already know about…? :face_in_clouds:

Also, again, thanks for all the typo fixes! It’s a huge help. I’m very bad at spotting those things. Also quite bad at continuing a sentence I already had in mind and not starting a new one in the middle of it :sweat_smile:

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I think you have to have the mc think about the situation and in the narration say why they are not intervening.

For the guard captain you can have them think something in the direction of : this is not like domestic squabbles you have been too. To even acknowlegde that it happens in a family like the pharos would be a crime on its own.

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Yeah, that’s actually a good idea. Now I just have to find a place for it :sweat_smile: I don’t want to interrupt the shock and apprehension MC might feel in that moment by having actual, coherent thoughts. But maybe after they leave the room with Narmer? :thinking: I’ll write it down in my notebook to think about it…

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